We all go through patches as gamblers, it’s part of the inevitable evolution. No one wakes up one morning, makes the decision to become a professional bettor, and achieves instant success. Like any skilled vocation, picking winners often enough to call it a career takes time and comes with plenty of life lessons on the journey. However, I’m not here to tell you what it’s going to take for you to quit a job, move to Vegas, and fire large sums on football games since that would make me a real career counselor. Instead, here are 10 signs choosing gambling as a full time career pursuit would be a bigger disaster than taking over as head coach of the Kentucky football program.
You know you shouldn’t be gambling when…
10) Your bookie calls you with lines each weekend from his hand selected menu of games offering “discounts” only if you bet every national tv game. Sure, some people call them value plays when you beat him for a free half point but he just calls you a sucker for taking his bait.
9) Your goal is to bet the better team every time you’re wagering. Easy enough right? There’s no reason to let an impost like -35 in a conference game get in the way of you declaring it a sure thing because laying 5 TD’s always guarantees you’re betting the elite side.
8) To kill 2 birds with 1 stone you’re consistently betting on the fantasy players you think will have good weeks. It never enters your handicapping equation that a team’s defense and special teams rank dead last so their QB throwing for 400 yards only means you lose by 10 instead of 17.
7) The weekend betting card is loaded with moneyline favorites. Plain and simple, you ascribe to the theory that juice is only paid when you lose so risk management holds no bearing for you.
6) Making a bet before consulting Bill Simmons handicapping podcast is out of the question. If the former players and talking heads can’t pick winners for you to coat tail, how the hell can you go it solo?
5) College football Saturdays start and stop with betting every team in the top 10 of the BCS. The bottom line is these teams must win and somehow winning a game outright is synonymous with covering in your head.
4) Parlays are the answer to turning a small beginner’s bankroll into an endless supply of cash. Never has the idea crossed your mind that sportsbooks offer these exotic wagers because they’re a losing proposition for the player.
3) You’ve tried using numerology to help steer you to bet numbers however your growing familiarity with Miss Cleo’s website hasn’t correlated to your winning percentage.
2) Breaking even is your definition of a good week.
1) Your wife or girlfriend roots against you each week hoping that 12 consecutive losing seasons makes you realize it’s time to officially retire from betting games.
What to expect in the SEC…
Ole Miss (-3) vs Vanderbilt
This is a big game for Ole Miss and their hopes of gaining bowl eligibility. Vanderbilt is much improved but their last 2 wins over UMASS and Kentucky by an 89-7 combined score are a product of the competition, not a high powered offense.
Alabama (-13.5) vs Texas A&M
Will the 3rd tme be a charm for Johnny Football against an elite defense? The obvious letdown factor for Alabama is already built into this surprisingly deflated opening line
Georgia (-15) at Auburn
The Gene Chizik dismissal countdown is in full effect. Expect the Dogs to put another nail in War Eagle’s coffin.
Tennessee (-3.5) vs Missouri
Missouri has struggled to score consistently but there’s not a team in the country having trouble with that against these beleaguered Vols
South Carolina (-14) vs Arkansas
Can I really endorse a play on the Hogs? Gut level instinct says this price is too steep for a retooled Gamecock’s offense.
LSU (-14) vs Mississippi St
How in the hell does LSU show up for this game after being gutted by Alabama? It’s Bulldogs or pass for those looking to invest in this one.
Florida (-26) vs UL Lafayette
Will the Gators be motivated at all for this game? If they want to be there, it’s a Ragin Cajun whitewash.