The Wussification Of America: Liberal NFL Fanbase Gears Up For 'Hottest Game Ever' With Embarrassing Strategy
Look, I didn't want to come out of the box on the first Friday of October ripping the folks of California. I will, because they deserve it and California is the worst, but just know that I didn't want to.
Unfortunately, though, they've left me no choice. No wiggle room. None. When I stumbled upon this Reddit thread filled with San Francisco 49ers fans complaining about the heat, and then realized that all of San Fran is currently prepping for Sunday's VERY UNSAFE GAME against the Cardinals, I simply had to address it.
I'm a Florida guy. I won't say I'm OutKick's resident Florida Man because there are a few of us who have the luxury of living here, but I do think I speak for all of us. So, I feel confident in writing this:
As Florida Man, I've gone ahead and declared 49ers fans – and all of San Francisco – the softest group of people on the planet. I don't know for sure that they're all libs, but … I know for sure that they're all libs.
Not even really a question after this:
This 49ers Reddit thread is actually real
Sunday’s forecast will surely bring one of the most consistent complaints about Levi’s Stadium back to the forefront: how the stadium’s orientation means the majority of the fans in attendance sit in direct sunlight on the east side of the stadium.
When the 49ers recently announced $200 million in stadium renovations, none of the plans entailed trying to add shade or reduce the impact of the sun.
For the most part, the team’s way around the heat impact has just been to try to avoid getting scheduled to play afternoon games early in the season, 49ers owner Jed York told the Athletic in a story last month.
"We’ve really pushed for that," York said. "Obviously, the NFL has 32 different teams they need to work with as far as scheduling. But they’ve been great and willing to help us."
On the surface, it doesn't seem that bad. Sure, it's embarrassing to worry about a little heat at kickoff, especially when that heat is 94 degrees, but whatever.
Sure, it's super embarrassing to have an NFL owner beg the league for later kicks to avoid … 94 degree heat … but whatever.
Again, it's the West Coast. They're built different out there, and not in a good way.
All of that probably isn't worthy of a story, though. But what is worth a story is this next part:
The weather is already a subject of heavy discussion on Reddit, with multiple posts up about the heat.
One Reddit user wrote that last week’s game against the Patriots was "rough" even in 75 degrees and was dreading the heat this week. Another said they were considering attending Sunday's game, but since they "can’t afford a suite" — suites are mostly on the west side of the stadium and out of the sun — then "f—k that lol."
WHAT?! I thought that HAD to be fake. There was no way fans were really bitching about 75 degrees. Just not possible. But nope. I found the thread – and it's real.
Let's check in and get a pulse (certain parts in bold for obvious reasons):
Last weekend it was about 75. I’m in section 214 and the heat and sun was rough. This weekend it’s gonna be 90. Pray for me… I’m sure I’ll have to duck inside every now and then to cool off, but those TVs are tiny. Anyone got tips for a hot game?
Bring in lots of water. Order a sun shirt long sleeve from Amazon to wear under your jersey. Wear a hat! Don’t over drink alcohol night before. Sunscreen!
I've only been twice in late October and Thanksgiving weekend but both times were absolutely boiling even though it was only high 70s...
Freeze some water bottles, feel good to rub on your neck. I will be there too though I will be in the shade hopefully by kickoff.
Bring a hand towel, soak it in sink water, let it evaporate on your neck. Rinse and repeat every quarter.
Get Cooling towels and water. Now that they have the blitz grab and go, super easy to walk in and grab 4 bottles of water right off the bat.
It's official, this fanbase has embarrassed all of us
This is why the 49ers never win Super Bowls anymore. Right here. This is also why we all constantly make fun of California. I've truly never seen anything like it.
We've got 49ers fans in an absolute PANIC over 90 degree weather. 90! They're talking about sneaking in frozen water bottles and going sober the night before to make sure they're not dehydrated. Sober!
They're cutting off alcohol because it's gonna be hot for Sunday's game. How in the hell can we be taken seriously as a country with this bullshit? And how about the Kamala voter in section 214 complaining about last weekend's heat wave … of 75?
Seventy-five! That's called winter time in Florida.
We keep our house at 73 all day and I'm usually in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. Seriously. If it dips to 75 down here, we crack every single window in the house and start blasting jingle bells all day. I'm throwing on some crock-pot chili to celebrate the occasion. Our outdoor fire pit is lit up like a Christmas tree before LUNCH.
And if it drops in the 60s down here, it's game over. Look out. We basically turn into Whoville. It's insane.
But you're telling me you had to duck inside for 75 last weekend? The pussification of America is a real thing, boys and girls.
This is Kamala's America and Gavin Newsom's California. If you're as embarrassed by this as I am, get your ass out and vote next month. We can't let these people win.
Cardinals by a MILLION on Sunday.