Toys 'R' Us Movie That No One Asked For Is In The Works

Once we tore through movies about Legos, Barbies, Transformers, G.I. Joe, Troll dolls, Monopoly, and pretty much any other toy that can have box office returns squeezed out of it like a big, plastic grapefruit, I thought we were done with toy movies.

I mean, aren't there somewhere between four and thirteen Toy Story movies too?

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Well, apparently not…because the latest idea isn't just a movie about toys, it's a movie about the place where you buy the toys, specifically one bankruptcy-plagued retailer with a giraffe mascot.

Yes, a Toys ‘R’ Us movie is in the works.

According to Variety, which broke this story, Story Kitchen and Toys 'R' Us Studios are teaming up to bring the iconic toy store — whose last location near where you live is probably either still vacant or becomes a Spirit Halloween for a couple of weeks a year — to the silver screen.

A Toys ‘R’ Us movie sounds weird, but it's already a better idea than live action <i>Snow White</i>. (Photo by Artur Widak/NurPhoto via Getty Images)

"Toys ’R’ Us is a cultural touchstone that continues impacting the child in all of us today," said Story Kitchen co-founders Dmitri M. Johnson & Mike Goldberg, announcing the project. "As ‘80s kids who considered Toys ’R’ Us one of the most magical places on Earth, we’re honored to partner to create a film that will capture the spirit of adventure, creativity and nostalgia that Toys’R’Us represents."

Alright, I get it. Nostalgia is one hell of a drug. That's why I still swing into Five Below and snag some packs of Big League Chew more frequently than I'd care to admit.

But how exactly is this supposed to work?

According to the initial report, it's "in the vein of Night at the Museum, Back to the Future or Big, plus other successful toy-inspired narratives like Jumanji and Barbie."

So, I'm going to guess they don't have a clue yet either. That's not a description of the story; that's just a bunch of movies that made money strung together; a classic movie pitching technique that everyone learns from film school and screenwriting books, where you rattle off a bunch of successful films and say you're working on something that combines all of them.

Like if walked into a studio with no script and said that my idea for a movie was "You guys like Star Wars, Harry Potter, and The Avengers? Because my movie is like that… also it has dashes of The Godfather and Pulp Fiction," the executives would be really tempted to give me money to produce a script.

Nonetheless, I hope it works out for them, and it'll probably make plenty of money unless they do something stupid like cast Rachel Zegler or make Geoffrey the Giraffe gay.