Touch 'Em All: Olivia Dunne Impersonates Paul Skenes, Joey Votto Retires & Greg Maddux's Insane Pitch-Calling
I must admit, sometimes it's hard choosing content for "Touch ‘Em All."
There are weeks when I have 4-5 story ideas, but I can only run with three for space issues. Sometimes, it takes a long time to find enough content to keep you guys engaged.
But this week…oh, boy, there was tons of good stuff, and I just couldn’t bring myself to exclude any of it. After all, I don't call this column "Touch 'Em All" for nothing.
While I can normally go on a long-winded rant about my writing, I didn’t do that this week due to the sheer level of content. I tried to keep the stories short, sweet, and funny, because who wants to read a 1,500-word article and not have a good time? I certainly don’t.
So here’s the content goldmine I found through the week, with everything from an adult male dancing with broccoli at an Oakland A’s game to the intricacies of Greg Maddux’s pitching mastery.
Let’s dive in, and let me know your thoughts at john.simmons@outkick.com. I always love it when you do.
Olivia Dunne Did Her Best Paul Skenes Impression At The Fanatics Fest
They say imitation is the highest form of flattery. If that’s the case, then Olivia Dunne must really love Paul Skenes.
To be fair, I’m pretty sure she already does. The LSU gymnast and Pittsburgh Pirates rookie phenom already have what seems to be a solid relationship from the outside looking in. Frankly, it’s one of the few celebrity pairings that seems to be fairly healthy and not full of toxicity. But I digress.
Last week at the Fanatics Fest in New York City, Dunne decided to make her own appearance. Like any good girlfriend, she wore the jersey of her boyfriend to the event.
Actually, she did more than just wear a jersey, wore an entire outfit, with a mustache!
It’s not even September, and she’s already in the Halloween spirit!
As the final step of her MLB transformation, Dunne threw a pitch that was supposed to mimic Skenes’ pitching form. I’ll let you be the judge on whether she actually did a good job.
Obviously, the throwing form needs work. But you know what doesn’t work? Her willingness to show support for her boyfriend - which is far more important.
That's #couplesgoals right there.
Joey Votto - One Of The Best Humans In Baseball - Is Officially Retired
The baseball world lost a good one in Joey Votto.
Don’t worry, he’s not actually dead. I apologize if I gave any Cincinnati Reds fans a heart attack by writing that sentence.
While Votto is very much alive, he is retired. The 17-year veteran officially posted his retirement on his Instagram earlier this week.
While his attempt to play for his hometown Toronto Blue Jays didn’t go so well, he will always be remembered for his incredible run with the Cincinnati Reds. In addition to being a stellar hitter and first baseman, he was consistently one of the best personalities in all of baseball.
Naturally, many in the Queen City were saddened to learn that a franchise legend was officially hanging up his cleats. But OutKick’s Dan Zaksheske, a lifelong Reds fan himself, offered one of the most fitting tributes to the man that remains his favorite baseball player.
"As a lifelong Reds fan, Joey Votto is my favorite player of all time. Despite Cincinnati never really putting a team around him, he stuck with the Reds for virtually his entire career. In today’s day and age of guys flipping teams and chasing the bag, Votto’s commitment to the city will always be remembered fondly. He should be a first ballot hall of famer."
(Here's a picture of Dan with his dad in Cleveland for a game, with dad proudly prepping a Votto jersey).
Frankly, with his 350+ home runs, 1100+ RBIs, and six All-Star selections, it's going to be hard to keep him out of Cooperstown on his first try.
Zaksheske’s thoughts on Votto reflected the sentiments of many Cincinnati fans on X.
So, now that he’s not going to be terrorizing opposing pitching on the daily, what does he want to do? He gave us a bit of insight back in 2018.
In all honesty, more power to him. I think after toiling away in baseball obscurity for over a decade, he should be able to do whatever he wants.
Greg Maddux Was So Good At Pitching, He Would Literally Call His Own Pitches
Greg Maddux was hands down one of the best pitchers to ever take the mound, full stop.
This guy had unbelievable control, durability, and smarts that separated him from the vast majority of pitchers in his career (1986-2008). In his 23 years of pitching, he pitched at least 200 innings in 19 of them, won 355 games, made eight All-Star teams, accumulated 18 gold gloves, and earned four consecutive Cy Young awards (1992-1995) - while striking out nearly 3,400 batters.
If you need to take a break from this and just let all that information sink in, don’t worry, because I needed to do the same thing. No wonder this guy was known as "The Professor."
DENVER - National League pitcher Greg Maddux of the Atlanta Braves pitching during the 1998 MLB All-Star Game at Coors Field. Photo: V.J. Lovero-USA TODAY NETWORK
But what’s amazing is not just all the games and awards he won, it's how he mastered his craft to an uncanny level.
Back in the days before pitch com, catchers and pitchers communicated pitch calls through nonverbal hand motions. In pretty much all cases, the catcher was primarily the guy in charge of making these calls.
But not with Maddux. "The Professor" knew exactly how he wanted his classes to run.
Evidently, Maddux found a way to expertly communicate with catcher Eddie Perez about what pitches he wanted to throw, and he was so good at disguising it that no one ever caught on. This clip from a special titled "One of a Kind" (which will debut on Sunday on MLB Network) gives a glimpse into his method.
Sweet mercy, that’s diabolical! This is definitely harder to hide than any method that a catcher could come up with, given that he’s standing out in the open for literally everyone to see. And yet, Maddux knew exactly how to get the job done without tipping off his strategy to the whole world.
Genius. There will never be another Maddux.
A Man Danced With Broccoli At An Oakland A's Game Because Why Not
Do you like broccoli? I certainly do.
Look, don’t get the wrong idea. I don’t regularly eat it for a snack whenever I’m hungry, but it's still a great vegetable. Put it in a salad, or cooked with some butter on the side of some grilled salmon and rice, and you’ve got one fine meal in the works.
Darn it, now I’m hungry.
Anyway, all that is to say that I love me some broccoli when the time is right.
But that doesn’t mean you’re ever going to see me with it out in public - like this guy.
For absolutely no reason whatsoever, this one fan at an Oakland A’s-Tampa Bay Rays game decided to walk into the Coliseum with a head of broccoli IN EACH HAND, and shamelessly sway to some unheard rhythm in front of the 20 fans who showed up for the game (yes, that was an Oakland fan attendance joke). Mind you, he was also wearing a broccoli-themed shirt.
I mean come on, should anyone love any vegetable this much? I get it, it's pretty great. But why in the everliving heck are we dancing with it in public, and at a baseball game no less?
The Oakland A’s will no longer be a franchise soon, so I guess this guy will have to find another sport avenue to express his broccoli love.
NESN Broadcasters Apparently Didn't Care About Jarren Duran's Home Run
Don’t you just love home run calls? If done by the right person, they can be some of the most electric parts of an entire broadcast.
However, NESN - the network that covers the Boston Red Sox - apparently couldn’t care less about them.
The Red Sox were playing their opening game against the Houston Astros at MinuteMaid Park earlier this week, and Boston center fielder Jarren Duran crushed the first pitch of the game to the Crawford Boxes in leftfield. Sure, he didn’t exactly win the World Series for Boston, but that’s still a pretty cool moment nonetheless.
Wanna see how NESN called the moment? If you’re sitting down…stay sitting down.
Utter silence, really? Not even a single word (even a lackluster one) from one of the guys in the booth?
Come on NESN, us Red Sox fans deserve better than that.
Beau Brieske Regrets Sharing His Reason For Why He Wants To Meet Abraham Lincoln
Who is a person that, if given all the money and access to a time machine necessary, you’d want to meet?
For me, I’d probably want to meet J.R.R. Tolkien, the author of The Lord of the Rings (which is objectively the best fantasy world in existence, don’t @ me). I’ve seen each movie probably a dozen times (the "Return of the King" is my favorite), and I even have a poster depicting Frodo and Sam’s journey to Mordor on my bedroom door.
Heck, I even made mention of my LOTR fandom in my X bio (this is the part of the article where you go follow me if you haven’t).
But enough about me, let’s see what Detroit Tigers pitcher Beau Brieske would want to do.
As part of the broadcast for the Little League Classic game between the Tigers and New York Yankees, a bunch of players answered some simple get-to-know-you type questions (favorite food, favorite movie, etc). Brieske said that he would most want to meet Abraham Lincoln, and I can’t say I blame him - he’s my favorite president.
But things took an incredibly morbid turn when Brieske gave the reason he wanted to meet Honest Abe. To be fair, it wasn’t a bad reason, but the word choice was what he messed up big time.
As everyone with a relative level of competence knows, John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln at Ford Theater on April 14, 1865 - right in the head. I’ll avoid getting too graphic now, but you can probably guess why Brieske’s choice of words could make a few heads turn.
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That's it for this week! If you have any comments that you'd like to share, you know where to find me; john.simmons@outkick.com. Have a fantastic weekend!