Touch 'Em All: A Cubs Fan Breaks The Bro Code, The White Sox Might Actually Be Cursed, & More

PublishedApril 12, 2025 10:24 AM EDT•UpdatedApril 12, 2025 10:24 AM EDT

We have a major, and I mean MAJOR - need for a refresher on the bro code.

An unspoken agreement between the homies is that you never, under any circumstances, try to flirt with or steal another man's girlfriend. If you do, you should be excommunicated from your group of bros and shamed for the rest of your life.

Robby, a Cubs fan, didn't seem to care about that on Wednesday. He was sitting next to a random girl, Tristen, that he had never met before, and they both decided to eat a hot dog, Lady and the Tramp style.

Now if these two were both single, I'd say this was cute and harmless. But they aren't both single.

In a radio interview later that day, Tristen revealed that she had a long-standing boyfriend at home - and still accepted no accountability and tried to play it off like this whole situation was being overblown.

"I actually didn’t know that this is going to go viral, so my boyfriend at home is going to be pretty upset about it," said Tristen.

You're damn right the boyfriend is upset, and he should be! No guy wants to turn on a ball game and see his girlfriend stuffing her face with a hot dog inches away from a random dude - who is stuffing his face with the same hot dog!

The "not knowing it would go viral" part also pisses me off. Would she have done it if it were unseen? What a complete lack of respect for her boyfriend. If I'm the dude at home, I'm cutting ties with that girl ASAP.

But remember, this is about Robby too, and he is equally to blame for this fiasco. Apparently, this guy is a lawyer. Don't you think he should have asked a few questions about the girl?

Like, "Before I get all romantic with you, are you dating anyone?" The fact he didn't - and showed no remorse for his actions in the interview - is sickening. Doubling-down on playing popcorn catch (with a date set up for later in the week) is the nail in the coffin.

His bros had better do the right thing and treat him like an outcast. There's no coming back from this one.

I Hate Torpedo Bats - But They Aren't Going Anywhere

I already talked about this in last week’s column, but I think they are going to make teams’ approach to offense very one-dimensional. Players are just going to try to hit home runs instead of having a more well-rounded plate approach, and the league is going to devolve into a boring product. Yes, I’m a purist, but I don’t really care if that makes me look bad.

However, MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred and torpedo bats apparently have a blossoming romance with each other. If he could have his way, Manfred would make sure torpedo bats exist until the end of time.

Rob Manfred answers questions during an MLB owner's meeting at the Waldorf Astoria on February 10, 2022 in Orlando, Florida. (Photo by Julio Aguilar/Getty Images)

"They’re absolutely good for baseball," Manfred told The New York Times. "I believe that issues like the torpedo bat and the debate around it demonstrate the fact that baseball still occupies a unique place in our culture, because people get into a complete frenzy over something that’s really nothing at the end of the day.

"The bats comply with the rules. Players have actually been moving the sweet spot around in bats for years. But it just demonstrates that something about the game is more important than is captured by television ratings or revenue or any of those things, when you have the discussions and debates about it."

Please, get a room.

"Something that’s really nothing?" I know Manfred is not the brightest commissioner in the league’s history, but this dude needs to take off his rose-colored glasses.

In their first game using the bats, the New York Yankees hit nine - NINE - dingers in one game.

Yes, we need more data than just that game to see if torpedo bats are really affecting the overall MLB product. But to say that torpedo bats aren’t doing anything to change baseball is incredibly disconnected from reality.

Then again, Manfred does have a knack for being completely out of touch with what’s going on, even in his own league.

Do you like where my column is going? What do you want to see more of? Let me know! john.simmons@outkick.com.

The Chicago White Sox Have All The Marks Of A Cursed Team

The Boston Red Sox went 86 years between World Series titles, and the Chicago Cubs went 108. But if this form of play continues for the Chicago White Sox, 2005 might be their last title.

Last year, they lost a record 121 games, which, if you think about it, is kind of impressive. It takes an astounding amount of consistency to be that bad at something and not improve.

It's 2025, the White Sox are still doing an amazing job at replicating last year’s form.

On Tuesday, Chicago and the Cleveland Guardians were tied at 0-0 in the bottom of the ninth. The Guardians had the bases loaded, no outs, and the count full. White Sox pitcher Mike Clevinger fired home the payoff pitch to Nolan Jones - low and inside.

We had a walk-off walk, a most humiliating outcome for a losing team.

Not only was that literally the worst possible way you could lose a game, it was Clevinger’s third-consecutive walk of that inning. You’d think he’d eventually find the strike zone after three batters in the most important inning of the game!

Apparently not!

Now, I say that’s the worst way you could lose a game. But less than 24 hours later, the White Sox somehow outdid themselves to earn another L.

This time, the White Sox were the team with the bases loaded, down 3-1 in the top of the ninth inning (with two outs). Miguel Vargas stepped up to the plate and immediately hit a bouncing ball between third base and shortstop to drive home one run. Outfielder Mike Tauchman was rounding past third and should have been the game-tying run.

And that’s when his hamstring gave out.

About halfway down the basepath, Tauchman started hobbling, making him an easy out to end the game. The hamstring that had bothered him in Spring Training came back to haunt him at the worst possible time.

Good teams win. Great teams find creative ways to win. But the White Sox? They have the opposite trait: they just find ways to lose, with shocking frequency.

I have literally never seen a more unlucky baseball team in my entire life.

Have You Ever Seen A Pitcher Act This Dumb?

One of my favorite things to witness in sports is cocky players getting put in their place. After his humiliating outing on Monday, Minnesota Twins starting pitcher Simeon Woods Richardson should probably never show his face in public again.

Early in the game, this dude thought it would be a good idea to blow a kiss at a man on second rather than focus on pitching. The result? He wound up giving up two runs that inning.

Karma.

In the fourth inning, Kyle Isbel - the No. 9 hitter - steps up and lays down a perfect bunt to get on base. The next time Isbel comes up to the plate, Woods Richardson taunts Isbel and makes the bunting gesture, implying that he thinks Isbel was a coward for bunting.

Evidently, Isbel is a stand-up guy, because he accommodated the pitcher by not bunting. Instead, he took Woods Richardson deep - on the first pitch of the at-bat.

Here’s a full breakdown from Jomboy.

That chain of events is certifiably insane. It’s only right that Woods Richardson got dealt that payback after acting like a punk. Moreover, he cost his team that game.

Lesson learned? Focus on pitching and not acting like a pompous jerk.

Around The Horn - Quick-Hit Highlights And Oddities From The Week

What do gloves and fried dough have in common? They can both be used to catch pop flys.

In Thursday’s matchup between the Toronto Blue Jays and Boston Red Sox, George Springer covered a ton of ground to make this awesome sliding catch into foul territory.

Not to be outdone, the Red Sox made a spectacular snag of their own.

Well, strike that. I should say a Red Sox fan made an epic catch, and he didn’t use a glove. A piece of fried dough was his weapon of choice.

We can’t really call that "flashing the leather" (maybe "flashing the fried?" What about "On no you dough-n’t?"). But that is pretty sick nonetheless.

Bryson Stott Evidently Hates Old People

The Philadelphia Phillies and Atlanta Braves have a pretty heated rivalry, but outfielder and gender-reveal expert Bryson Stott needs to learn how to take his animosity for the Braves out on the players, not poor old ladies.

A few innings after the conclusion of a two-hour and 45-minute rain-delay, Stott came up to bat in the top of the ninth, trying to spark a rally. On a 1-2 pitch, he fouled a ball into the stands and hit an elderly female usher.

That’s unfortunate, but not malicious. Sometimes foul balls find human targets. But Stott seemed to want to inflict more pain on that lady.

Four more times in the same at-bat, he fouled the ball into her direction, nearly hitting her a couple more times.

I mean seriously, Stott should be charged with assault and bat-tery for that one.

Also, trying saying these names back-to-back three times fast:

Have You Ever Seen A Pitching Form This Bizarre?

Former Reds and Red Sox pitcher Bronson Arroyo kicked his leg up perfectly horizontal before firing to home plate. San Francisco Giants reliever Tyler Rogers nearly touches the ground when he pitches.

But Ethan Getting from Wayne State? His pitching form is…well, just take a look.

How has this dude not herniated every disc in his spine?

Some People Will Do Anything For A Klondike Bar. Julio Rodriguez Will Do Anything For Nerds

Some fans will show up to a game early to get a ball from their favorite player. But this Seattle Mariners fan had a brilliant idea: why not give outfielder Julio Rodriguez some Nerds (a top-tier candy), in exchange for a souvenir?

The plan worked to perfection.

Happy ballplayer. Happy fan. Everybody wins.

Speaking of the Mariners…

Victor Robles Is The Front-Runner For The Catch-of-the-Year Award

It’s going to take something pretty miraculous for an outfielder to come up with a better catch than this web gem from Robles on Sunday.

Unreal stuff. Way to sacrifice the body.

Other Great Baseball Coverage From The OutKick Staff

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That's it for this week! Thanks for reading, and let me know what your thoughts are about this or anything else MLB-related at john.simmons@outkick.com.