Touch 'Em All: Brent Rooker Costs A Fan $21k, James McCann Is Built Different & A Hilarious T-Shirt Misread

If You Learn One thing from "Touch ‘Em All," This Week, It’s That Brent Rooker Could Not Care Less About Your Parlay

Alright, moment of confession here: I’m not a sports gambler.

I know that’s not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but it still feels awkward. After all, sports betting is legal in my home state (New Hampshire), and gambling on sports seems to go hand-in-hand with every sport fan’s experience these days.

But nevertheless, I have not had the guts to bet my greenbacks on a moneyline, spread, same-game parlay, or player prop. In fact, the only time I’ve ever made a legitimate bet was a grand total of one dollar on a four-spot in Keno…and I won. The numbers 4, 14, 33, and 71 made me a happy customer that night.

What's your wildest gambling story, either on a baseball game or anything else? Let me know: john.simmons@outkick.com.

Alright, enough of my brief - yet illustrious - gambling career. Because this one fan had a far better story.

An X user with the handle Skunkii_Plays had a massive parlay going on Saturday, July 27. He was betting on an extensive list of players to hit home runs in their respective games, and he was literally one leg away from turning a five-dollar bet into a payout of $21,759.53. The last thing he needed was for Oakland Athletic’s designated hitter Brent Rooker to jack one over the outfield wall at Angel stadium, and he’d be one happy dude.

ANAHEIM, Calif. - Oakland Athletics designated hitter Brent Rooker. Photo: Jonathan Hui-USA TODAY Sports

Can you imagine how stressed out and excited this guy must have felt? Like I said, I’ve never made a parlay before, but I can only imagine the anxiety and anticipation that was racking this dude’s mind.

Unfortunately, he had to watch as Rooker went up to the plate four times, and failed to get a dinger. He did get three singles, but that wouldn’t do it for our gambling friend.

If I were in this guy’s shoes, I’d be pissed with a capital P. You literally are one outcome away from winning almost $22k, and you fall agonizingly short. Devastation isn’t a strong enough word to describe that emotion.

So like most of us would, our pal Skunkii sent Rooker a DM saying how disappointed he was in his at-bats. To his credit, he wasn’t profane with his language, which is better than a lot of fans would have done.

But I don’t think that he expected Rooker to respond - and boy did the A's DH fight fire with fire.

Here’s a screenshot of how the interaction went down, and the parlay that Rooker didn’t help out with.

Man, tell us how you really feel Rooker!

Fortunately for us, Rooker followed up on that tweet with an explanation on why he initially responded in that way. Oh, he also said he’d be logging off X for the rest of the season.

You can interpret the logging off element as cowardly, or the biggest mic drop moment ever (I choose the latter). But after thinking about his more lengthy explanation, I can’t say I blame him.

After all, his job is to do his best to win games, not make sure he helps everyone win their parlay. Of course, it's sad that Skunkii didn’t get his big payout, but it is gambling after all. You’ve got to deal with the possibility of severe disappointment - and Rooker isn’t obligated to care about it.

Gambling is a harsh world. If I ever get into it, I’ll proceed with caution - and maybe avoid betting on Rooker for anything.

James McCann Must Eat Nails For Breakfast

Have you ever been hit by a pitch while playing baseball? It’s not fun.

You usually have no time to get out of the way, since the distance between the batter's box and the mound is pretty small. Sometimes, you get a glimpse at a pitch and realize "Uh oh, this is gonna hurt," and you try to contort your body like Neo in the Matrix just to avoid the oncoming pitch (most of the time unsuccessfully).

No matter where that pitch strikes you, it hurts: knee, hands, ribcage, it’s gonna suck no matter what speed its coming at.

But could you imagine being in James McCann’s shoes earlier this week?

The Baltimore Orioles’ backup catcher got hit with a 95-mph pitch, which would suck by itself. But to make things worse for McCann, he took a Yariel Rodríguez fastball to the dome.

Sweet baby jay, that is downright awful. If you look closely enough, you can see blood gushing from his nose like a waterfall (I would recommend not going back and looking for this part of the clip if you’re afraid of blood).

If I got hit in the face with that pitch, that would make me bedridden for at least a week. But McCann proved on that day that he is a man among boys when it comes to pushing through pain.

Instead of walking off the field, the athletic training staff stuffed some swabs of cotton up his nostrils, and he remained in the game. Because, you know, that’s a normal thing to do.

Can we dwell on this for just a second?

The guy takes a fastball to the head, and not only does he remain in the game, he records a hit and continues to play what I think is the hardest position in North American sports. 

After the game, he revealed that he never doubted he could remain playing.

"I take a lot of pride in being tough and doing everything I can to stay on the field," McCann said.

Some men are just a little more masculine than everyone else.

A Diamondbacks Announcer Had One Of The Worst Blunders Of The Season

Imagine this: you’re a young baseball fan showing up to watch the Diamondbacks play the Nationals on a Monday night with the boys ready to have a good time. 

Then you hop on social media, and you realize that you’ve become a viral meme on the internet because someone misread your t-shirt.

To be clear, it’s not the kid’s fault. Diamondbacks play-by-play announcer Steve Berthiaume apparently needs glasses, because he definitely can’t read very well.

The kid wore a t-shirt which said "I can’t, I’m Mormon" (this was a reference to the strict lifestyle that Mormons follow). We don’t know if the kid wearing it is a member of The Church of Latter Day Saints, but my gosh, it’s a hilarious choice either way.

Berthiaume thought it was quite funny as well…but for a different reason. I’ll let you listen to this clip so you can find out what he thought it said.

As Prince Zukho from "Avatar, The Last Airbender" would say…

That is a horrible mixup. Can you imagine how much this kid is going to get picked on when he goes back to school because Berthiaume couldn’t read a t-shirt with only four words on it? Good night!

Berthiaume had better schedule an eye doctor’s appointment…and maybe buy that kid a pair of Diamondbacks tickets as an apology.

Throwback To The Best Roast In An MLB Game Ever

Do you guys remember Grady Sizemore? I certainly do.

Before the Indians went woke, this guy was a hitting machine for Cleveland, where he earned three All-Star nods, two Gold Gloves, and a Silver Slugger award. Not only was he super talented, he had a phenomenal name to go with his baseball prowess. I mean, just say it a couple of times, it really does roll off the tongue.

Naturally, good players across all sports get heckled by fans who were trying to get in their heads. And since today is his 42nd birthday, this perfectly-timed jeer from a fan has made its round on the interwebs.

This is genius. If even half of all the heckles we hear were as clever, fairly clean, and hilarious as this, heckling would be an art.

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That's it for this week! If you have any ideas you want to see me write about, email me at john.simmons@outkick.com. Have a fantastic weekend!