The Associated Press Is Clutching Its Pearls Over Recycling Tennis Balls
There have been some problems at this year's edition of the US Open. First, players dealt with intense heat. Then you had a cloud of pot smoke hanging above one of the courts like a Dead & Company show was happening next door. Then, on Thursday night some dopes staged an environmental protest, one of whom glued his feet to the stands.
Why? I don't know. I'm not even sure they really know why they did it.
But speaking of environmentalist dopes, the Associated Press pointed out yet another issue plaguing the US Open: the number of tennis balls.
...and?
Well, they're difficult to recycle.
...and?
The Associated Press published a piece titled "Tennis ball wasteland? Game grapples with a fuzzy yellow recycling problem." Of course, they're not "grappling" with it in fact, this probably never occurred to anyone outside of the AP editorial office's orbit.
"Tennis has a fuzzy yellow problem most players don’t think about when they open can after can of fresh balls, or when umpires at U.S. Open matches make their frequent requests for 'new balls please,'" the piece from writer James Martinez begins.
It goes on to say that 330 million tennis balls are manufactured every year — including 100,000 for the US Open alone. Once those fuzzy green balls have served their purpose, they get hucked in the garbage.
Experts Seem Far Less Concerned About Tennis Balls Than The AP Does
Tennis balls — like a lot of things — are tough to recycle and you'd think that environmentalists would be sounding the alarm on this issue.
As one of the experts consulted in the piece said, wasting any energy fretting about this — the way the Associated Press did — is a waste.
“Anyone who would say you shouldn’t play tennis because of the tennis balls is misinformed,” said Jason Quinn, director of Colorado State University’s Sustainability Research Laboratory. “In terms of the impact, it’s a blip on the radar."
While he added that sure, you can help by reusing balls as much as possible, that's the case for anything. And even so, the impact of doing so would be marginal at best.
Of all of the environmental issues that have been brought up over the years, this one registers above cow farts on the stupidity scale.
And I say this as someone who loves recycling.
People sometimes forget that an easy way to recycle a tennis ball is to give it to a dog. (Getty Images)
Tennis Balls Are Recyclable In A Way
I know recycling is a bit of a scam, but I still like doing it. I'm always looking for ways to superficially up my social cache, and recycling does the trick beautifully.
I like to make a big deal about it so everyone sees me. Sort of like when you drop a dollar in the tip jar at Starbucks. The whole point is so everyone sees you and realizes how great you are.
I always make sure what I'm recycling hits the bin with a crash, or I yell "Kobe!" and launch one in from 3-point land. I just want people to know that I'm the kind of guy who is aware of recycling.
Still, I would never even consider recycling a tennis ball, because in my experience, I've never reached the end of a tennis ball's lifespan. In my experience, most tennis balls are a lifetime commitment. Sort of like a marriage or adopting one of those birds that live for 70 years (You mean a wife? HIYOOOOOOO!).
I agree that tennis balls are virtually indestructible, but I've found they never end up in the trash. They're like energy in that they can’t be destroyed, they can only change form.
Like after a fresh Wilson loses its spring and isn't court-worthy anymore it takes on a new job. It becomes a dog toy or gets stuck to the bottom of some geezer’s walker.
So in that sense, they are recyclable.
Obviously, we can do better when it comes to limiting the amount of trash we throw out. And the AP's story did touch on efforts to create new tennis balls that are — everyone's favorite buzzword — sustainable.
Still, to say it's a major ecological issue that the tennis world is "grappling" with, couldn't be farther from the truth.
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