Stephen F. Austin Beat A Team So Bad They Started Playing 5 Minute Quarters

The college football season is underway, and as is often the case for Week 1, there were some serious tune-up games dotting the schedule, but only one got so out of hand that they started playing five-minute quarters, and that's what happened when Stephen F. Austin State University Lumberjacks took on North American University Stallions on Thursday night.

Stephen F. Austin is an FCS school that plays in the Southland Conference, and there's a good chance you're at least tangentially familiar with the name.

On the other hand, there's a good chance that you're unfamiliar with North American University. It's a private university from Stafford, Texas, and part of the NAIA, not the NCAA.

Based on the last tidbit of information, I think you know where this story is headed if you didn't already…

After one half, I couldn't have been more clear that this game was more than a little lopsided. Stephen F. Austin led 70-0, racked up 565 yards of total offense to NAU's 33, and led the first downs battle 25-3.

Considering how much the Stephen F. Austin offense was on the field to score that much in one half, it seems like a wonder that North American University even managed those 33 yards and 3 first downs.

I mean, in a game that lopsided, it's not fun for anyone. It's not fun for the team dominating (alright, maybe it is), it's not fun for the team eating a plate of s--t, and it's not fun for the fans or anyone watching at home.

So, both sides agreed that to put this Week 1 game out of its misery, the third and fourth quarters would only be five minutes each.

Yes; things got so rough for the poor NAU Stallions that they started playing by EA Sports College Football 25 rules.

The Lumberjacks won by a final score of 77-0, so halftime did help NAU regroup at least a little.

At least for the Stallions, there is literally nowhere to go but up after that one, and I think they might have a fighting chance to put one in the win column when they take on Wayland Baptist University next weekend.

As for the 1-0 Stephen F. Austin State University Lumberjacks (Jeez, guys; why didn't you go with the long name?), they visit the North Texas Mean Green on September 7.