Race Wife Pops Out Of Her Dress, NASCAR's Dumb Cost-Cutting Strategy & Danica Spends Cyber Monday In The Pool
Thanksgiving in the rear-view, Christmas out the windshield, and the Daytona 500 about 10 exits up ahead.
That's right. Another month ticked off the NASCAR offseason calendar – the shortest in all the sports – and one step closer to smashing skulls in 'Tony Beach.
And yes, I can call it that. I used to live in Daytona Beach Shores and just last night hung my ‘Tony Shores’ ornament that we bought at the Eckerds (Walgreens) near our house.
What a magical time of year!
OK, enough vamping … we've got a NASCAR offseason to cover like the OJ trial. While the wokes over at the AP and ESPN take lush vacations this time of year, I'm working my nuts off to keep you up to date on all the happenings in the racing world.
Oh, you don't think there's much going on? Well tell that to Samantha Busch, who spent last week in Vegas trying her hardest to keep her dress in the upright position. Spoiler alert: she did – barely, and I mean barely.
What else should we hit on today while we all slog through a Monday after a short week?
I've got JJ Yeley – yep, he's still around – giving an all-time interview, Hooters Gianna gearing up to be Hooters Gianna-Blaney, woke NASCAR cutting costs in the dumbest way imaginable and maybe we'll check in with Danica Patrick on Cyber Monday.
Those candles ain't gonna buy themselves, you know.
Two tires only today – it is Dec. 2, after all – a splash of Sunoco racing fuel, and a cigarette for JJ … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘Tossing Steerin’ Wheels & F-Bombs' edition – is LIVE!
Get 'em, JJ!
Might as well start with that, I reckon. I know you're here for Sammy B., but just bear with me a minute, OK?
We have some class, after all. I know it's the offseason, but I have to at least act like I'm blogging about things other than hot NASCAR wives.
And you know what? JJ Yeley, who actually ran eight NASCAR automobile races this past season (and led a lap!), ripping folks a new one is a solid consolation prize! It ain't boobs, but it was nearly a brawl.
Rollllllllllll tape!
Old Smoke, Baby Smoke!
Grab his dick and twist it!
What a liner. I'm gonna use that at some point this holiday season. Don't know exactly how just yet, but I'll work it in somewhere. Lord knows my family will give me plenty of opportunities.
Solid little scrum here from JJ, but the real winner was interview and wheel-toss. The calmest I've ever heard someone talk about beating the piss out of someone else. Just like he's making a grocery list.
Need some eggs, a gallon of milk, gonna beat his ass and grab whatever meat is on sale.
Reminded me of this all-time Tony Stewart moment from back when we were a proper country and a proper sport:
Thanks Tony … ‘Thank you!’
The best. God, I loved Smoke. These liberal Gen-Zers who grew up racing simulators wouldn't have lasted four seconds on a track with Tony Stewart.
Speaking of youngins … congrats to Tony and Leah!
How do we think Tony would've felt about this new woke NASCAR rule?
Welcome to parenthood, Tony and Leah! You'll love it. My girl just turned 3 and my son is now three months. It's great. She woke up at 1 a.m. this morning, and he woke up at 2:30. I've been up since 4.
I'm sure that's rare, though. No worries!
You miss Smoke? Email the show! Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
OK, back to business (what little of it there actually is on Dec. 2). How about THIS little mandate handed down by the penny-pinchers over at NASCAR HQ?
Sam, McCall & Dale, oh my!
From Matt:
In the name of cutting costs and meeting safety regulations in the Craftsman Truck Series, NASCAR is placing design restrictions on both over-the-wall and behind-the-wall fire suits for race teams next season.
A memo sent to teams on Tuesday outlined the following guidelines:
Behind the wall pit crew members will need to have a submitted design for their fire suits. These suits cannot have sponsorship branding and must follow the general guidelines of the attached.
- Colors are at the team’s discretion
- They must be consistent across an organization
- No sponsorship branding allowed
- The Craftsman, Sunoco, Goodyear and NASCAR bar logo’s shown in the guidelines are highly recommended but not required
Over the wall pit crew members will need to have a submitted design for their fire suits that you will use for the entire season. The fire suit design is at the team’s discretion. Sponsorship branding is allowed.
Crew member garage shirts are at the team’s discretion. Sponsorship branding is allowed.
The idea is to discourage teams from printing one-off fire suits for individual races and keeping a generic look off camera for every participating team.
You think this crap is happening in a Trump economy? Don't think so. Thanks, Joe. Maybe less pardoning, and more economizing? Just a thought. Bidenomics my ass!
Couple quickies on the way out. First? Ain't nobody in the US of A doing Thanksgiving better than Dale Jr.:
My God. Does Junior still got it, or what? He managed to plug THREE sponsors in one post. How much you reckon he made with those six sentences? More than you or I will in the next year.
PS: covering a turkey with mayo? Psycho stuff. Never heard of it. But I reckon Junior knows best.
PPS: the first-turkey-frying-beer-of-Thanksgiving is the best beer of the year. By a wide margin.
Next? Let's check in with Samantha Busch, who missed last week's NASCAR banquet because she was melting hearts in Sin City.
And you know what? I don't blame her:
That's our girl! She may have missed the banquet, but she still managed to win the night. That's why she's atop the NASCAR Wives Power Rankings. Has been for quite some time.
Gooooooooooooood luck catching her! Speaking of those rankings, McCall Gaulding – another powerhouse – had a big week, too!
Thanksgiving in Florida? That's a girl who knows the way to my heart. Can't beat it down here, although it's 37 degrees at my house right now, which is unacceptable.
Global warming MY ASS.
Finally, happy wedding month to Hooters Gianna and Rhino Blaney!
Take us into Cyber Monday, Danica Patrick!
Can't WAIT for the big day. Frankly, I can't believe I haven't gotten an invite yet, seeing as Hooters Gianna has been promoted more on this site than any other Hooters HOFer in the history of time.
Whatever. There's still time. I'll check the mail later.
OK, that's it for today. Another NASCAR offseason in the books. Everyone enjoy Cyber Monday – and maybe grab you a candle from Danica!
Take us home, Larry Mac.