NASCAR Wives Wear See-Through In South Beach, Buffoon Jemele Hill Goes On Racist Danica Rant & What A Finish!
Man, what a great automobile race. What a great track. Miami – you did us proud. Frankly, in this new (woke) Next-Gen car, you've been one of the reliable venues year-in and year-out.
We know you're going to produce. We know the racing is going to be solid-to-amazing (yesterday was the second one, by the way) every time we go. And you're a playoff race?! Great work, NASCAR!
I rag on the wokes in the big glass building across from Daytona International Speedway a lot, but they got this one right …
… wait, what's that? Oh yeah! Miami isn't a playoff race next year! NASCAR, for some idiotic reason, decided to take Homestead OUT of the playoffs in 2025, put it in March (great drama there!), and replace it with tracks like … New Hampshire.
New Hampshire!!!
I take it all back. They're idiots. All of them! One step forward, two steps back. Oh well.
Yes, we're gonna dive into yesterday's wild race, which included a full day of passing and ended with Michael Jordan picking up Tiny Ty and spinning him around like it was Dirty Dancing. What a scene.
I've also got the OG NASCAR wives enjoying South Beach – weird – the woke media asking Christopher Bell just the dumbest question of all time, and insufferable – and I mean INSUFFERABLE – Jemele Hill going after Danica Patrick because she voted for Trump.
Hey, Jemele – I promise you don't want this smoke. You can piss right the hell off with your racist takes and shitty shows that get watched by fewer people than a Bomani Jones HBO special. This chick is just the worst of the worst. It's incredible.
OK, four tires, some fuel, and maybe some SPF 100 for the NASCAR wives in the Miami sun … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘See You Next March When Nobody Cares, Miami!’ edition – is LIVE!
Credit where it's due, Miami is the best the Next Gen has to offer
I still can't get over NASCAR just yanking the best intermediate track on the schedule out of the playoffs – the Round of 8, no less! – and replacing it with places like New Hampshire and Gateway.
You think we're getting stats like THESE next year at New Hampshire?
Of course not. And while we're at it, let's go ahead and ask the next obvious question … Why in the hell is Phoenix still the championship race? Probably time to give it back to Homestead.
I get it. The racing at Miami in the old car wasn't the best, but the sample size in this new car is plenty big enough at this point.
What we saw yesterday is what we've seen at Miami for three years now. It's time to kick Phoenix's crappy racing to the curb and put the championship race back in South Beach where it belongs.
Checking the mail!
Yeah … you think you're getting that at New Hampshire? Don't think so. Actually, scratch that. I know so.
Again, credit where it's due on this new car. I generally hate it and think most of the garage does, too, but when it's good, it deserves to be praised. It was good yesterday.
It was not good last week at Vegas, where the racing was … meh. That led to longtime fan (NASCAR, not MMPS. But maybe MMPS!) Ken R. putting this bad boy in the mailbox and moving the red flag into an upright position:
As you said, 26 almost meaningless races, then it’s balls out for the home stretch. I want to see every lap of every race of the whole season be important, no, DAMN important.
I’ll offer up a suggestion. Make qualifying count, and not just for starting position. The pole position should get points, the rest, nada. After that, make every lap count like it’s the last lap of the final race.
Here’s a possibility:
Long tracks, say 2.0 miles or over, lap leader gets 2 points. Under 2.0 miles, because there are more laps, leader gets 1 point. Winner gets 100 points, second 95, third 90, etc. Below twenty, you ain’t trying hard enough, no points.
So, the driver that puts on the best show by leading gets the most points. Heck, you could push and lead all but the last lap and still come out ahead of the winner because you put on the best show.
Thanks, Ken!
Don't hate it. Not sure I love putting any added emphasis on qualifying because A) nobody really watches qualifying, and B) qualifying trim and race trim are very different. Unless you're going to have more Daytona Duels type events throughout the season to determine starting positions, I'm not sure it's worth it.
PS: good luck to the sorry soul who has to keep up with those points every race. My God. You'd need a degree from woke Harvard just to do all that math.
(Wanna be like Ken R. and email the program? Go ahead! Zach.Dean@OutKick.com)
Tiny Ty, Danica & Potty mouth Chris
For now, though, the math is pretty simple for a couple guys …
Chase Elliott and Ryan Blaney need to win at Martinsville to make the Championship race. It's pretty cut-and-dry for them because they're a billion points under the cutline.
Everyone else? Well, they can all race their way in, while Christopher Bell can race his way OUT. He's got a 29-point cushion, which is solid, but he'll need to mind his Ps and Qs this week to make sure he advances.
As for Reddick and Logano – I'd be doing anything and everything I could to keep Kyle Larson from advancing. Anything.
PS: I have a Tyler Reddick-to-win-the-title betting ticket in my pocket right now that I've had since the spring. Don't know why, but I had a feeling back then that he'd win it all this year and put $5 on it to win $85.
I'm #TeamTinyTy from here on out, baby! Hugs for everyone!
The height difference between Tyler Reddick and Michael Jordan will never not be funny. Gets me every time.
PS: I'm amazed at how invested MJ is in his NASCAR team at this point. When he became an owner a few years ago, I figured it was more of a ceremonial thing. Like a silent partner.
Now, the guy is at damn near every race and going bananas on pit road. I would've lost that bet.
OK, couple quickies (my specialty!) on the way to Martinsville. First? Rinse that mouth, Christopher!
I mean, my God. Did someone seriously ask a grown man about his use of the f-word? Seriously? What are we doing here? Just the dumbest question of all time.
Slow news day, I reckon.
Speaking of idiots asking idiotic questions and people hating them … let's get a wellness check on looney-tunes Jemele Hill!
I mean, you just don't get any dumber than Jemele Hill. It's impressive how dumb and racist she really is. The party of love and inclusivity, though!
Don't forget, Trump is the mean one who insults people, not the Dems! They never do that. Ever. Remember, it's the Dems who accept everyone, not the Republicans! We're the mean party. OK.
PS: what exactly is unhinged?
PPS: "This is why a lot of people do not trust white women in this election." What? Literally nobody has said that, you buffoon. God, what a special kind of idiot.
Take us home, NASCAR wives
Whew. OK. What a rant! But if anyone deserves that on a Monday morning, it's Jemele Hill. I say it every single week, folks … choose your fighter. We have eight days left.
OK, take us home, ladies. Welcome back.
See you at Martinsville.