NASCAR 'Pride' Post Backfires, Tony Stewart Grabs Some Married Butt & Angry Bubba Wallace Lashes Out
Nothing like a big Austin Cindric win to get the juices pumping on this first Monday of June, huh?
Huh!?! Come on …
Stand up, Cindric fans! Make some noiiiiiiiise! Y'all waited 18 months to get back to Victory Lane. Let's get wild!
Hello? Anyone there? Bueller? Crickets.
Relax. I'm kidding. I know there are at least a few happy NASCAR fans today ... right? I like Austin Cindric – anyone who rocks spectacles in the cockpit and wins a race is good in my book – but I also like needle-movers.
And Austin just wasn't the needle-mover I was hoping to come back to from a week-long vacation. I see the numbers. I speak to the analytics fellas. Ryan Blaney running out of fuel with a few miles to go ain't what we needed today. Frankly, it made my Monday morning a little tougher.
But … he did get kicked in the balls, so we have that going for us. You'll see.
What else should we talk about today to get the ‘ol Google Algo pumping? Tony Stewart is leaving NASCAR after this season because his team STINKS, so we’re gonna take a trip down memory lane and beat some ass with Smoke.
I've also got depressed Kyle Busch on today's menu, birthday girl Sam Busch, Hooters Gianna in Italy and a quick hitter on the silly Kyle Larson drama. Sound good?
Good!
Four tires, just a tad more fuel for Angry Ryan Blaney, and a glass of that good Italian stuff for Gianna … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘Who Had A NASCAR vs. Kyle Larson Dick-Measuring Contest On Their 2024 Bingo Card?’ edition – is LIVE!
How about the nuts on NASCAR?
… I didn't! Did you? If you're nodding your head yes, you are lying. Get outta here.
Look, I don't wanna spend a lot of time on this today. Frankly, if yesterday's race was more exciting, I'd probably just skip it entirely, but I can only spend so much time breaking down Austin Cindric's win.
Here's the bottom line for those – like me – who checked out last week entirely: NASCAR has yet to grant Kyle Larson a playoff waiver after missing the Coke 600. What does that mean?
Well, as of today, the best driver in the series with two wins this year is not eligible for the playoffs in a few months. The rulebook says you have to participate in all points-paying races to be playoff eligible, unless, of course, you receive one of them golden waivers from NASCAR.
Chase Elliott got one last year after his leg snapped in two while snowboarding. Kyle Busch famously got one a decade ago after his leg broke at Daytona and went on to win the championship. Everyone assumed Kyle Larson would get one after rain ruined his chance at The Double last Sunday, but … nothing.
Just an agonizing three minutes to sit through, huh? (Ain't the first time I'll hear that today!)
How miserable is Kyle Larson right now? His Indy 500 debut was derailed by rain and a bad pit stop. He never got to run at Charlotte because of more rain. Now, NASCAR is weirdly holding him hostage and, so far, refusing to grant the waiver they've granted a billion times before. I don't get it.
Now, I do think they will eventually give it to him. I can't imagine they won't. But is this some sort of weird punishment for Kyle Larson choosing Indy over NASCAR? Like, really? You're gonna make an example out of Kyle Larson? That's the flex you wanna make right now?
It's truly amazing how dumb NASCAR can be sometimes. If you idiots would focus a little more on this crappy Next Gen car, and a little less on punishing your best driver for GIVING YOU FREE MARKETING DURING ARGUABLY THE BIGGEST AUTO RACE OF THE YEAR, I promise you'd be happier. Just try it. One time.
Might as well keep the momentum up with this annual NASCAR Pride tweet that pisses everyone off
Come on, Bubba! You had such an easy softball here, lobbed right up at ya, down the cock … and you whiffed. I do respect you taking your role as NASCAR's chief villain a little more seriously as of late, though.
Love it for us here in the #Content game.
Anyway, NASCAR discouraging their drivers from running The Double, which is one of the cooler things in racing, is just such a piss poor move. And so unnecessary. Like, if they had just given Larson the waiver the next day like normal, nobody would've batted an eye.
Instead, here I am spending 1000 words on it on my first day back from vacation. Thanks.
Is NASCAR stupid, or am I? Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
While we're sort of dumping on NASCAR this morning, which I didn't intend to do, by the way, we might as well check in on BY FAR their most hated tweet every single year:
Sad Kyle Busch and Blaney kicked in the nuts
I look forward to this tweet every single year. It's the best.
On one hand, it's just so on-brand for virtue-signaling NASCAR to send it out. Same with MLB. Same with all the stupid car companies like Mercedes and BMW – but only the American branches, of course:
Hilarious. It's all just virtue-signaling. Oh, it's June 1? Hurry, send up a Pride tweet about ‘love’ so we don't get canceled even though literally nobody is asking for it. Go, now!
Anyway, that annual NASCAR tweet got dragged through the mud – like always – and went mega-viral, which is great for us in the #content game, but not great for them. Oh well. Nothing like a little engagement farming to start the month!
OK, we've gone wayyyy too long today without talking about the actual automobile race from yesterday afternoon. When the dust settled and Austin Cindric had an important win fall smack-dab into his lap, I'm pretty sure he was the only person in the garage who wasn't pissed as hell:
Let's quickly remember how great Tony Stewart was
I didn't bet on yesterday's race, but I just can't imagine a worse beat than having that Ryan Blaney ticket in your back pocket with one lap to go only to see that happen. Brutal. Not sure you ever truly come back from a loss like that.
PS: how absolutely miserable is Kyle Busch right now? He hasn't won a race since this race, last season. That would be 364 days, for those keeping track at home.
Good thing he's a level-headed guy to begin with! Phew.
Before we get to Ms. Kyle Busch, and soon-to-be Ms. Ryan Blaney, let's quickly pour one out for Stewart-Haas Racing, which announced late last week that they would close up shop at the end of this season.
Tough loss for NASCAR, but I think we all saw it coming. The organization has struggled for years now, and I feel like Kevin Harvick retiring after last season was pretty much the final nail.
If you know Tony Stewart, he ain't got time for shitty racing – and that's pretty much what SHR has turned into. Just sort of meh racing. Not good enough for Smoke.
Exhibit A:
Sam Busch and Hooters Gianna take us into Sonoma
I mean, he's just the best. This sport was so much better when Tony Stewart was racing full-time. He ran The Double decades ago, for those who don't remember.
How do you reckon he'd respond to NASCAR withholding his playoff waiver. Goooooooood luck.
And head on a swivel, DeLana!
OK, that's enough for today. Take us home, Gianna and Sam. Fine, you too, Natalie!
See you at Sonoma.