NASCAR And Dale Jr. Shove DEI Down Our Throats, Hooters Gianna Let Loose At Her Wedding & Driver Caught In Bed
We are halfway through December, boys and girls. That means in 17 days, we'll be in January, which means we'll be one month away from automobile season.
That's right. They don't call it the shortest offseason in sports by accident, you know. You get three months to do whatever the hell you want, and then BAM – it's time to clock back in for 36 weeks of work.
But, we ain't there quite yet. In NASCAR terms, we're probably at the end of Stage 2 in the offseason. Shit's about to get real. Strap in.
Let's see, what racing news do I have on this Dec. 16 edition of class? Well, for starters, Hooters Hall of Famer Gianna Tulio tied the knot with Angry Ryan Blaney over the weekend in Aspen. How does THAT sound?
Gianna has been a staple around here for years now, and she's finally all grown up. Same with Ryan. What did Michael Scott once say?
I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It's every parent's dream!
We'll dive into Rhino's big day, which featured a cameo from Chase Elliott and his not-so-secret girlfriend, and ended with a glossy-eyed Blaney dancing his heart out for the world to see.
What else? Well, I've also got some Dale Earnhardt Jr. news! Actual news, not the fake crap you read on ESPN. Junior's bringing DEI back to NASCAR. That's right. DEI is back! Who's excited?!
Dale Earnhardt Incorporated, you animals. Not the insufferable WOKE DEI. The good kind! It's finally back on the track after rotting away in Teresa's basement for decades.
And guess what? It's perfect.
That's it for actual racing news. Sorry. Once we're done with that, maybe we'll get back to the WAGs, like Sam Busch, who got cozy in bed with Kyle over the weekend. Or Erin Blaney, Ryan's sister, who hasn't been to this class in a MINUTE.
No time like the present to welcome her back!
Four tires, enough fuel to get us to Aspen and back, and maybe an Advil for Ryan this morning … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘It’s NASCAR Wedding SZN!' edition – is LIVE!
NASCAR's new First Lady
Obviously, we're going to start with Hooters Gianna. Lord knows we've talked about her enough over the years. Frankly, I'm a bit annoyed I wasn't invited to this lavish Aspen wedding. There ain't a website in the world that's given Gianna more free pub than this one, right here. And … nothing. Sad.
Oh well. I reckon when you're a Hooters HOFer, you don't need free pub. Sort of just comes with the title. It is what it is.
I'm just glad these two finally made it official. What a journey. From this:
To this:
What a journey! You know you've made it when People – grab you a copy next time you're in the Publix checkout line! – covers it.
Blaney tied the knot with his girlfriend of more than four years, Gianna Tulio, in a "whimsical" winter wedding at Hotel Jerome in Aspen, Colo., on Thursday, Dec. 12 — exactly one year after he popped the question atop a snow-covered bridge in Washington.
Notable celebrity guests include: Chase Elliott, Tim Dugger, Scott McLaughlin, Daniel Hemric, Austin Cindric, Kevin Coleman, Bubba Wallace, Josef Newgarden, Dale Earnhardt Jr and Amy Earnhardt.
The "foodie" couple and their guests enjoyed an extensive menu which included butternut squash arancini, warm potato poppers, smashed heirloom potatoes, charred broccolini, short rib pierogi, roast chicken, fried chicken, caviar, sage-and-thyme-roasted bison and more. Dessert was slices of red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting.
Let's get down to business
A lot to break down here.
1. Unreal menu from the Blaneys. Home run. Short rib pirogi, caviar and sage-and-thyme-roasted bison? My God. Just exudes wealth.
2. Solid guest list. Chase and Bubba are the two standouts. And Junior, of course.
Fun fact: Ryan used to live on Dale's property years ago when he was still trying to make it in the racing world. True story.
OK, let's get to the good stuff. Thanks to social media, the entire wedding was basically live-streamed on Instagram and Twitter.
Let's break it all down. First off? A CLASSIC white folks wedding moment in Slide 3 here:
Singing Mr. Brightside 15 drinks in on the dance floor to end the night? Perfect. We've all been there before. It's a wedding staple. No SHOT Chase was anywhere close to this mosh pit.
Speaking of …
Welcome back to class, Ashley Shae! I have a sneaky feeling that Chase may be on deck in the #NASCARWeddingSZN batting order. If not, he's at least in the hole. Maybe needs a guy to reach to get to the plate? I don't know for sure, but he's at least within striking distance.
We'll see.
I've long said Chase is following the Dale Earnhardt Jr. timeline. Popular young racer built on his last name, starts winning races, becomes even more popular, has a down season (y'all can figure out why), and then finds a girl, starts settling down, and comes out on the other side a man.
He's in the settling down phase right now. Right on schedule.
Speaking of JuneBug:
Jesus, Dale! Look alive for me, one time. At least ACT like you don't wanna be literally anywhere else in the world at that very moment.
That's the look of a man who is just a bit too old for all of this, but still wants to act like he belongs. He's exhausted at this point, probably ran out of Bud Heavys in the cooler he snuck in, and just wants to get the hell to bed.
But Mr. Brightside just came on, and he knows the night is, unfortunately, just getting started.
Dale Earnhardt Jr. put the DEI 8 back on the track
All in all, a solid wedding here from the Blaneys. Congrats to them! From Hooters Hall of Famer to NASCAR's First Lady.
What a career path for Gianna. I think Blaney's in for a special 2025, too. He was the odds-on favorite to win a title before this, and I'm thinking a fancy Aspen wedding with Hooters Gianna only strengthens those.
Can't wait for the honeymoon #content! Do us proud, Gianna.
OK, let's quickly get to some actual racing news before we end the day with more WAG talk. Before Junior was forced to fly out to Aspen, he spent the early part of the week reintroducing his famous DEI (the good kind, not the woke kind) No. 8 back to the track:
Sam and Erin take us home
For those who haven't kept up with the saga of the No. 8 number and font, you are in luck, because I covered it like the OJ trial last summer.
Teresa Earnhardt has held the rights to the iconic No. 8 for decades now, which is part of the reason race have dubbed her the Wicked Witch of NASCAR. They HATE Teresa. Hate, hate, hate.
Anyway, she didn't renew the rights last spring, prompting Junior to swoop in and take his number – and font – back. The font is important, because that's what makes the No. 8 the Dale Jr. DEI No. 8.
Junior did all of this last summer, and decided last week to finally bring the iconic look back to the track for the first time since … 2007!
That's a long time, boys and girls. Can't wait for Daytona. No pressure, Sammy!
OK, that's it for today. I'm gonna go ahead and let Samantha Busch AND Erin Blaney take us home.
And, of course, Larry McReynolds.