NASCAR Champ Rips New 'Woke' Car, His Wife Has A Sexual Message For The Fans & Dale Jr.'s Return To Racing
Whew. What a race! Right? Eh. Maybe not? I don't know. I'll be honest with you – it was Mother's Day. NASCAR has no business racing on Mother's Day. That used to be a sacred holiday in this sport.
So, no … I didn't watch a ton of yesterday's automobile race in Kansas. I have two kids. It was in the middle of the afternoon on a day devoted to my wife. Sure, that's most days, but still, I had to take yesterday just a bit more seriously.
Now, I got the gist of what happened in Kansas. It was on the TV in my house, just more background noise than main event.
Kyle Larson dominated. Shocker. Chase Elliott's team screwed him over. Shocker, again. Bubba wrecked. Shocker, AGAIN!
And, of course, Kyle Busch ripped everyone a new one – from this crappy, woke, CHEAP new car, to the shitty drivers he has to compete with every single week.
How'd I do? Good? Good! Let's get this water-cooler talk going, then!
What else? Well, while Kyle was undressing the sport, wife Samantha was undressing … period. Wait till you see these hats those two lovebirds wore last month in Cabo. You ain't finding these bad boys at the merchandise hauler outside Charlotte this week!
Oh yeah! I've also got Kurt Busch's smokeshow girlfriend checking in with a May the Fourth message for all the haters. That's right. May the Fourth! Who says this class isn't cultural?
Four tires, a splash of Sunoco fuel, and maybe a goodbye message to the FOX booth as we head into Charlotte … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘Kyle Busch Loves Ass!’ edition – is LIVE!
Kyle Busch had a great Mother's Day!
Look, I love Kyle. He's maybe my favorite driver in the garage, mainly because he has an ounce of personality and doesn't give a shit about the Gen-Zers. He says what he means, and means what he says.
And, he's got a rocket ship for a wife, as you'll see in a bit.
Anyway, he hasn't won a NASCAR Cup race since the Biden Administration, and I'm talking the early days of Sleepy's run – not the part where he couldn't put together a cohesive sentence.
June 4, 2023. That's when Rowdy last visited Victory Lane. Do you understand how long that is for a dude who's won 63 times over 23 years? He's so backed up right now, and there ain't a slumpbuster in sight.
So, naturally, he takes his anger out on this new shitty car he's forced to drive, and the dumbass drivers he's forced to drive next to:
AJ Allmendinger's Sunday wasn't much better
That's the Kyle Busch I know and love, baby! There ain't an angrier, more bitter driver in the series right now than Kyle Busch. Not even close.
He left Joe Gibbs Racing two years ago after a nasty final few months with the team, won three races the first three months at RCR, and hasn't sniffed a win since. I'd be constantly pissed, too. Hell, I am constantly pissed, and none of that applies to me.
Thank God he has Sam. Seriously. She'll be here in a bit. Not yet. Hang tight!
First, though, let's quickly check in on AJ Allmendinger, who blew an engine five minutes into Sunday's race and was pretty level-headed about it.
And by that, I mean he threw an entire team under the bus and ran them over like a bunch of rabid dogs:
Fox's goodbye, Sam's HELLO, and time for a reset
Tell us how you really feel, AJ! Good God. What fury. What rage. What … honesty. I don't know. Sounds like a good way to get fired to me, but whatever.
It would be like me taking all your angry Fox emails from the past four months and airing them all out today and then saying, "God, I'm so glad the All-Star race is Fox's final broadcast of the year. Those guys STINK!'
Obviously, I'm not going to do that. A) because I like my job and Fox signs my checks, and B) because I truly don't believe it.
I know it's been a bumpy spring for the production. I get it. I'm not immune to it. I've seen it. But I'm not going to sit here and take it out on Mike Joy, who is the best in the business by a mile. Or Clint Bowyer, who I love. I know he ain't for everyone, but – like Kyle Busch – at least he has an ounce of personality.
Anyway, after this weekend's All-Star race, the series shifts to Amazon Prime for the next month, beginning with the Coke 600. For a refresher, that means we're getting five straight races (May 25-June 22) of DALE EARNHARDT JR. back in the booth.
Thank God. It's been 18 months since Junior last called a NASCAR race. Welcome back, big guy. We missed the hell outta you.
More on the Amazon schedule next week. For now, we get one more Fox call this year before all the mamaws across the country can't find a race for the next month. Can't wait!
Couple quickies on the way out …
… starting with a points update.
Since we're making a broadcast switch next week, it seems like as good a time as any to get a pulse-check on the season.
So, Brad Keselowski (33rd) is obviously in big trouble here. He feels like a dude that's probably gonna have to win a race this summer to get in. He was fast yesterday. He just needs some damn luck. I'm not overly worried … yet.
Kyle Busch (18th) isn't in quite the same boat as of now, but that doesn't mean he won't get there.
Ryan Preece at 16 is a pleasant surprise. He's been excellent this season. Chase Elliott at 4 is annoying given he's won one time in the past two years. Probably had a car to win yesterday, and his pit crew bent him over late in the race.
His career is feeling awful Ryan Newman-ish at this point, and that's not a great thing.
Kyle Larson, William Byron and Christopher Bell running 1-2-3 right now is maybe the most boring podium in the history of sports. Not racing. Sports. No offense, though!
You know who wasn't boring – on or off the track? Kurt Busch!
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelcome back to class, Kurt and Lyda! Missed you two. Been a minute. Love the energy I see right now from you two. Let's have a big damn summer.
OK, that's it for today. Kyle may be miserable on the track right now, but don't you for one second think that's affecting him off the track.
Drive fast, eat ass.
Amen.
See you at Charlotte.
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