NASCAR Champ Calls Out 'Sh*t' Drivers, Dramatic Bubba Wallace Returns & OnlyFans Racer Leads Laps At Daytona
Whew. What a weekend. Felt more like a month, but hey, the payoff was worth it …
I think.
Look, the Daytona 500 was good. Always is. Tough to mess it up, frankly. But it could've been better. Probably should've been, if we're being honest.
Should NASCAR have declared the race over when they did? Eh. We've all seen the replay. Feels like one of those, "It's been a long ass weekend, let's just get out of here" calls to me.
I get it, by the way. It's a business decision. You have to make those all the time in life.
Hell, I chose to buy a more expensive, 12-ounce Busch Light draft beer yesterday instead of the cheaper, 25-ounce can because the line for the draft was shorter.
Business decision. Not a good one in a financial sense, but a good one in a buzz sense.
Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah! It was a good little race yesterday, and the place was damn near sold out even though it was postponed by a day. Impressive.
We'll talk about the finish here in a minute. We're also gonna check in with Bubba Wallace because he was all over the map this weekend, and then maybe call out some of the dips--ts and dumbasses around the garage.
How's that for a tease?!
I reckon we'll also check in MMPS star and OnlyFans racer Natalie Decker, who actually finished a race last night! She did it.
Didn't see it coming. Not sure anyone did.
Four tires, enough fuel to make Richard Childress happy (you'll see), and maybe a few days of sunshine, so we can all dry off down here … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘Dipshits, Dumbasses & Dramatic Bubba Wallace’ edition – is LIVE!
I'm so tired of NASCAR ending the Daytona 500 under caution
Let me preface this by saying this …
I was thrilled that William Byron won. Seriously. I put $10 on Billy the Kid to pull it off, and the $200 he won me will almost cover all the beer I drank over the past week. Almost.
So I was pumped NASCAR ended the race when they did. But it's also such a letdown when the Daytona 500 – your biggest race of the year – ends like that.
For starters, I'm not sure they should have ended it. The wreck happened before the white flag, the yellow was thrown after it. Sticky little spot.
Second, was William Byron the leader when the yellow was thrown? The internet erupted with conspiracy theories that Alex Bowman should've actually won, prompting NASCAR to clarify with this tweet:
Eh. Still don't know that I'm buying it, but whatever.
My overall point here is that the Daytona 500 should never, ever end under caution. Just shouldn't.
I know the rule is to end the race if a yellow is thrown after the leader takes the white flag, I know. But I truly don't care.
Guess what? The NFL changes their overtime rules for the postseason, which obviously includes the Super Bowl.
This is NASCAR's one and only race each year when everyone is watching, many people who don't ever watch. Those are the important ones.
And you need to give them a reason to come back. Ending the Super Bowl with a couple kneel-downs is pretty anticlimactic, and ending your biggest race with a cool-down lap is equally dumb.
Rant over. Thanks for the money, Willy. I doubt it can fix this hangover, though.
Bubba Wallace was all over the map this weekend
Can't have a Daytona 500 weekend without talking about everyone's favorite driver, right?!
Look, I wouldn't do it if Bubba didn't do anything noteworthy this past weekend, but he did, and I have to be fair. You can hate him all you want, and I know most of ya'll do, but the guy is a content machine.
And we like content around here.
First up? Did Bubba try to murder a photographer during practice? You make the call!
I wrote about this Saturday, so read my full Xs and Os breakdown here. Long story short, I'm calling … no foul!
Boys will be boys, and that's Bubba's own personal camera guy on the receiving end of that near-collision. Fake running into one of your buddies with your car is a tradition like no other in this country. No harm, no foul.
Next!
This is a tough one. On one hand, I'm not really sure Bubba did anything wrong here. If anything, it's just more annoying.
Just another case of Bubba being a drama queen, but, again, it creates #content, so I can't be too irritated by it. Just seems a little unnecessary.
Like, dude, can't you just wait until you get to the hauler to have your big "teachable" moment? The guy just got out of his car two seconds ago. Can he take a piss first before getting his ass reamed? Lordy.
Finally … here's one I think we can all agree on:
Dumba-- Kyle Busch, dipsh*ts everywhere & congrats to Nat!
I'm with Bubba and the other 39 (or whatever number it is nowadays) drivers on that one. Fuel-saving races SUCK to begin with. We should all revolt if this stupid new car turns the Daytona 500 into a fuel-saving race.
I will walk away. I'll do it. Don't make me. I'm begging you.
OK, let's get to the radio darlings from the Daytona 500 before we get to the actual darling from late last night.
First up? Boss man Richard Childress!
That last one had nothing to do with last night, but I stumbled across it on Elon's insufferable Twitter and laughed. That's funny.
Richard Childress still using Windows 98 is objectively hilarious and, frankly, not all that surprising.
Next!
Goodness, what a hit. It's always wild to watch these in-car cameras during a Daytona wreck. So violent.
Also, good to see Angry Ryan Blaney is BACK for another year! Thought maybe winning the championship and then proposing to Hooters Gianna would calm him down a bit, but nope. He hasn't changed a bit.
That's called having standards, boys and girls.
Finally, let's end the day with the girls of NASCAR – Hailie Deegan, Toni Breidinger and Natalie Decker.
One is the Xfinity Series' Most Popular Driver. Another scored a Victoria's Secret sponsorship last year. And another constantly wrecks, is mocked for her online following and adult content, and struggles to find any sponsorship at all.
And guess who became just the third female driver to ever lead laps in the Xfinity Series last night?
Let's go! We've been steering the Natalie Decker train for months now. While all you losers are upset that she posts heaters on social media, we applauded it.
While you shied away from the OnlyFans and Adult Content subscriptions, we embraced it.
And now, Natalie delivered for us. Take that.
See you at Atlanta.