Man Accused Of Using Steel Nuts To Cheat In UK Chestnut-Cracking Contest Cleared

It appears we've got a resolution to the cheating scandal that rocked the world of conkers worse than the chestnut blight of the early 1900s, and it's good news for the man accused of using steel nuts to crack and conk his way to a men's division title.

If you're unfamiliar with conkers — where have you been, by the way? — it's a game played in the UK in which chestnuts on strings are knocked together in an attempt to shatter the other player's nuts.

This year, 82-year-old cooking great Dave Jakins was the King Conker. This meant that he was responsible for stringing the nuts used in the competition.

However, he was found to be in possession of a metal replica chestnut that he claimed was used as a goof. However, other players who had their nuts smashed to bits by the octogenarian conker didn't find it so funny.

So, that led to an investigation which would have potentially put Jakins' win in the men's tournament in jeopardy.

Had that happened, it would have been a dark day for the sport of conkers. It'd be like the Black Sox Scandal… but with nuts.

Fortunately, however, for Jakins and all who like their conkers fair and on the level, Jakins has been cleared of any wrongdoing.

According to the Associated Press, investigators looked over the game film — yes, someone was apparently recording these matches — and spoke to judges and eyewitnesses to determine that there was no way that Jakins could have performed a sleight of hand miracle and swapped the phony, steel nut for the real deal and back during competing.

King Conker David Jakins has been cleared of any wrongdoing after being found in possession of a metal nut this year at the World Conker Championships. (Photo by Jacob King/PA Images via Getty Images)

Well, I'm just glad to hear that this year's edition of the tournament was on the up and up, and even if Jakins had decided to pull a fast one, it didn't help him in the long run. 

While he won the men's side of the tournament, he wasn't the overall winner. That honor went to Indianapolis' Kelci Banschbach.

That's right: first, we won the Revolutionary War, and now a conkers championship.

USA! USA! USA!