Losing Stinks: Syracuse Coach Says Losers Don’t Deserve Soap

Syracuse football coach Fran Bowen is familiar with the stench of defeat… and unfortunately, for those around him, they might be too.

On Monday, Brown spoke to the media and revealed that following a loss, he feels like he doesn't deserve soap.

"Honestly, I’ve got like a ritual when we lose," Brown said. "I didn’t even get into the shower until earlier this morning. I just be mad, brush my teeth. It’s like, ‘I don’t deserve soap. I don’t deserve to do all that.’"

Interesting. Most people would want to rinse off that loser stench. Not Brown. He uses it like an olfactory dunce cap to shame himself into coaching a winning football team. 

"I’m just focused on trying to get back and try to make sure that our players mentally understand that I let them down," he continued. "They didn’t do it. I just wake up all night. Especially when we lose. I wake up like, damn, that really happened that way. And then I just move on."

I'm not going to lie: I love this.

If I ever find myself in a position to hire a football coach, I will be asking about their post-loss shower habits.

I don't think I want a candidate who would answer that by saying, "Oh yeah, I turn on the rainfall shower head and those car wash jets, or I hop in the whirlpool tub with a bath bomb and just unwind. Maybe throw on some Enya..."

It wouldn't be disqualifying, but it would be an uphill battle from there for this hypothetical candidate.

You want a coach who won't even glance at a bottle of Irish Spring after a loss. A coach who would be offended that you would even think he'd consider bathing after a loss.

Fortunately, despite being 3-3 in conference play, Brown has been able to shower up after most games with his team posting a 6-3 record so far this season.