Lewis Hamilton Taste Tests Foods In Broncos Schedule Release Video, Is Definitely Not A Grits Guy

NFL teams are now engaged in an arms race to put out the best schedule release videos in hopes of capturing the magic of last season's Tennessee Titans reveal. 

For this season, the Denver Broncos decided to inject a little bit of Formula 1 flavor by having seven-time champion Lewis Hamilton — who is part of the team's ownership group — taste test foods from the cities that some of teams they'll face this season call home.

Lewis Hamilton brings some serious star power, but I was fascinated by two things about this video: the first was the food choices for certain cities, while the other was the fact that Hamilton seems to be one of those guys who has a thing about food textures.

Let's unpack some of these grub selections and see what Hamilton thought about them.

Indianapolis Colts — Ranch Dressing

It's important to note right up top that Lewis Hamilton is somewhat famously vegan. So, that might factor into why some of these food choices are kind of strange.

Like right up top, the Indianapolis Colts are represented by… ranch dressing?

Look, I'm not a ranch guy — I'm on record saying once you're over 12 years old it's time to graduate to blue cheese — but it's harmless. But there's a better representative for that part of the country and that is the pork tenderloin sandwich.

Of course, with a vegan handling tasting duties, that's a little tough.

I assume they gave Lewis a little bit of vegan ranch, and I'm sure on a carrot stick it was just delightful. 

Hamilton himself described it as "Bangin'" before saying "Gosh darn it" in an American accent the way everyone, without exception, does in Indianapolis.

Pierogis carried the torch for the City of Pittsburgh, and did so admirably. (Getty Images)

Pittsburgh Steelers — Potato Pierogi

I may be ill-informed, but I thought all pierogis had potatoes in them. It's like how Heinz (shoutout Pittsburgh again) puts "tomato ketchup" on their bottles. We don't need to do that. 

I'll assume it's potato unless it's not.

Anyway, pierogis are phenomenal I was thrilled to see it was the Steel City's representative instead of some bastardized version of a Primanti Sandwich which might be the only thing more disappointing than the Real McCoy.

Also, cook that "yinzer" is now part of Lewis' vocabulary.

New Orleans Saints — Creole Gumbo

I get gumbo mixed up with jambalaya because I'm an idiot, but it's a kind of stew, and right off the bat, Lewis fired a shot at it.

"This smells and it tastes a little like something Roscoe would eat," he said.

Roscoe is his English Bulldog, who I'm sure eats pretty well these days, but that's not what you want to hear about your gumbo.

I think this may have been another dish that was knee-capped by Hamilton's veganism.

He may not have been big on the grub, but that'll be a fun matchup as it marks Sean Payton's return to New Orleans.

Atlanta Falcons — Peach Cobbler

This one absolutely stunned me, and was what made me say, "Wait a second, is Lewis one of those weird texture food guys?"

Peach cobbler is delightful and the perfect food to represent Atlanta. I'm not sure if you knew this, but Georgia is known for its peaches. They don't talk about it much, it's not like it's on their license plates or anything…

But Hamilton took one bite and was anything but impressed.

"This is not good," he said. "This is southern food? This is southern's finest."

Peach if you're not big on the texture of a cooked peach I can see having a problem, but that's the only explanation, and as you'll see with the dish, the texture appears to be the issue.

Lewis Hamilton is <i>definitely</i> not a grits guy. (Getty Images)

Carolina Panthers — Southern Grits

I don't know that I think of grits as a North Carolina food, but I guess it's far enough south that they sneak in there somewhere. 

I'm okay with grits. I don't speak them out, but if they're slapped on my plate I'll eat them. They do not make me gag immediately, but for Lewis Hamilton, they may as well be Ipecac.

"That one is definitely the worst one," Hamilton as he tried to keep the peach cobbler, pierogies, ranch dressing, and Gumbo down.

I can understand how that's a rough one for the texture-averse.

You've got to think Hamilton won't be hitting any southern restaurants anytime soon.

"That's prison food," he said. "That one really offended me."

Again, not a grits guy.

It's got a bad reputation, but as Lewis Hamitlon can attest, avocado toast is bomb. (Getty Images)

Los Angeles Chargers — Avocado Toast

Now this one is Lewis' vegan wheelhouse.

"This is bomb," Lewis said after taking a bite of toast.

I'll be honest: I f--cking love avocado toast.

I know there's a stigma around it because annoying millennials are obsessed with it, but — to quote Hank Hill — I'll tell you what, it's delicious every time I've had it.

Leave your preconceptions about avocado toast at the door, maaaaaan, and expand your breakfast horizons.

Cleveland Browns — Dog Treats

I get the reference, but what a ricochet shot at Cleveland.

Is it that big of a culinary black hole that dog treats were the only thing they could think of?

Hamilton has a little something-something to take home for Roscoe, but like he said, I don't know that Roscoe would even choke those dry-ass dog treats down.

Kansas City Chiefs — Barbeque Sauce

I like that the Broncos realized that the only option for Kansas City was something with barbeque, and instead of trying to cook up some kind of vegan ribs, they said, "Screw it give him two cups (for some reason; not one) of KC Masterpiece and let's move on."

"That is damn good barbeque sauce," Hamilton said.

Most of us don't usually just dunk utensils in BBQ sauce and just eat that (although I have definitely thought about it) but I guess if you're not a meat-eater your options are limited.

Cincinnati Bengals — Chili

Was there any other choice for Cincinnati? Of course, it had to be chili and cheese on top of spaghetti. This video would have lost all legitimacy if they missed this one.

"I actually like it," Sir Lewis said, sounding somewhat surprised. "I get the hype. This is actually okay."

That quote should be hung over the door at every Skyline Chili Location: "This is actually okay."

Although, that sure doesn't look like Skyline to me, and again, that's the veganism's doing.

I will say, I am partial to a more bean-forward chili.

…

You've got to hand it to the Broncos, that was a fun video and was definitely in the top half of the schedule release videos in my humble opinion.