Kyle Busch Sets Table For Stunning Move, NASCAR Wife Visits Bikini Bottom & Driver Makes Sexual Plea On Camera
You know what? After hearing all week about how bad Iowa was gonna be because of the repave, I've gotta tell you … I've seen worse. Hell, wait till New Hampshire next week, you'll be begging for Iowa.
Decent passing, blown tires left and right, it wasn't follow-the-leader all night … and hey! Angry Ryan Blaney actually won an automobile race in 2024!
Better yet: Hooters Gianna was dominating Italy whilst ARB dominated the NASCAR corn fields. Win-win! What a day.
Now, did I miss Mike Joy, Clint and Kevin during this little race? Of course. I know people love to bitch and moan about FOX's coverage, but if you think that telecast was the same without Dale Earnhardt Jr., you're insane. It was fine, but it wasn't the same. Come on. Don't bullshit a bullshitter.
But we ain't here to be negative today, so let's mix a little optimism in this weekly water-cooler Meet N' Greet and get the week started right …
… just kidding! We're gonna check in with Kyle Busch, and he is literally more miserable than any driver I've ever seen in my entire life. Things are so bad, he even weirdly left the door open for a possible Joe Gibbs Racing reunion in the future. Odd.
What else? I've got Hooters Gianna in Italy, OG NASCAR wife McCall Gaulding visiting Bikini Bottom (her words, not mine), everyone and I mean everyone hating Ross the Boss Chastain last night, Dale Earnhardt Jr. officially killing the Wicked Witch of NASCAR last week AND … this ain't technically NASCAR, but you HAVE to see this crash.
Whew. OK, I'm good. You good? Good! Let's roll.
Four tires, enough Sunoco Racin' fuel to get me from this Salem Hampton Inn to Scranton (Biden Country, can't wait!), and maybe a peace offering from Kyle to Richard Childress … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘You Built It, They Came’ edition – is LIVE!
Kyle Busch wants this NASCAR season to die
Yes, I'm road-tripping up the East Coast(ish) right now. Spent Saturday night in Georgia. Spent last night in Salem, Virginia, at easily the nicest Hampton Inn I've ever seen (can't hide money!). We're trying to get to Scranton today, which leaves us just five hours to Hyannis – and, in turn, Nantucket (again, cannot hide it) – on Tuesday.
The good news is, I have an almost-three-year-old traveling with us, so it's been a really peaceful, stress-free, quiet, blissful trip up the right side of this great country. Easy!
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, NASCAR.
Kyle Busch has had just an awful season. He hasn't won a race since the Trump Administration (it's called hyperbole, look it up), got the piss beat out of him by an old man a few weeks ago, is somehow outside the playoff bubble right now and can't stop breaking parts/crashing in this new POS Next Gen car.
Nobody – besides maybe Kevin Harvick, and he's retired – hates this stupid Next Gen car more than Kyle Busch. Guy DESPISES it. He might as well have just said, ‘this cheap ass car stinks and I can’t wait to quit like Martin just did.'
Which brings me to my second point … Martin Truex Jr. announced Friday that this season would be his last as a full-time NASCAR driver. After about four straight years of speculation, he's finally retiring. See ya later, big guy.
Anyway, I say that … to say this:
Everyone was happy as a lark at Iowa!
I guess you can leave that interview with two different POVs (hey now!) …
1. Kyle didn't say anything wrong or weird, he was just answering a stupid ‘media-manufactured’ question with the most non-answer of all time.
2. Or … Kyle is being held hostage at RCR, is practically looking at the camera and BEGGING for someone to save him, and wants to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible.
I, of course, choose … No. 2! Duh. I mean, come on:
Right now, I'm at RCR, with my group of guys … with the deal that I have in place.
Good God, Kyle. At least act like you wanna be there, just for shits and gigs. If ESPN courted me (YUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK) and my boss got wind of it, and I said, ‘You know, right now I’m with OutKick with my group of guys with the contract I have in place,' he'd fire my ass into the sun so fast my head would spin.
PS: ESPN HATES NASCAR, so that would never, ever happen. If it ain't LeBron, Caitlin, the Cowboys, Aaron Rodgers, or males pretending to be females, they don't care.
Moving on …
Well, wait. If YOU wanna weigh in on the Kyle Busch drama, feel free! Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
Now, let's move on … to some of the best radio chatter from last night!
Hooters Gianna, Dale kills the NASCAR witch & what a quote
Gee, I don't know, Kyle … maybe because you were in his way!? Move! We gotta GO.
By the way, how about Denny Hamlin AND Kyle Larson both sucking last night? Wild. Anyone wanna guess who your points-leader is right now? Anyone?
Chase Damn Elliott! That's right. Oh, you thought he's had a bad year just because he's only won one race? Think again. He's in the midst of a career-best season, finished third last night and hasn't finished outside the top-20 ALL YEAR.
At the same time, he only has the one win, one stage win, and a measly 137 laps led. Y'all remember when Matty Kenseth won the 'chip in 2003? Look it up, because it may be happening again.
OK, couple quickies on the way to Scranton. First? Put this AJ Allmendinger interview in the soundbite Hall of Fame:
I mean, just insane delivery here from AJ. Perfect. Stone-faced, doesn't smile once, the perfect amounts of awkward and uncomfortable … A+ stuff.
Give that crotch hell, Tara!
Speaking of hell … The Wicked Witch of NASCAR – Teresa Earnhardt – has finally been defeated! It's official. The paperwork is IN. It's signed, sealed and delivered:
I've written about this saga a dozen times at this point. Seriously, it's been my life the past month. If you want a full, detailed rundown, go ahead and click here. See you when you get back!
The bottom line? Dale Sr.'s wife, Teresa, has held the trademark of the No. 8 hostage over at DEI for two decades now – ever since her and Junior's falling out – but she did NOT renew it for next year, and Dale scooped it up. It's his, once again. Let's roll.
PS: what the hell was Teresa doing with No. 8 air fresheners?
Actually, I know one lad who could use one after nearly soiling himself last week …
My God. After that, you're playing with house money for the rest of your life. Do whatever the hell you want. If you die, you die. You shouldn't have made it that far anyway.
Play the lotto on the way home, go to a brothel, go all Walter White and become a drug lord – doesn't matter. You've already defeated death. You've won. Go live life.
And maybe, hit up Italy!
NASCAR Wife McCall Gaulding visits Bikini Bottom
And remember, be Ryan F--king Blaney is such a badass thing to hear before you go out and dominate a NASCAR race. What a life.
OK, that's it for today. On to New Hampshire – with a stop in Bikini Bottom along the way!
See you there.