Joey Chestnut Can Crush Ice Cream, Ippei Mizuhara Lost His New Job & And A White Sox Announcer Calls His Shot
Before we talk about baseball, I need to talk about America first.
On Thursday, we celebrated the 80th anniversary of one of the most consequential days in the history of Western Civilization.
During the morning of June 6, 1944, over 130,000 Allied troops landed on five different locations of Normandy Beach in France in the D-Day assault on German forces. Despite enduring heavy casualties, the invasion was successful and began the steady decline of the Nazi powers in Europe (and thus the end of World War II).
D-Day veterans gather in Normandy for the 80th anniversary of the biggest invasion of the war. Photographer: Nathan Laine/Bloomberg via Getty Images
If you enjoy the freedoms you have as a citizen of the United States, you can thank these men for preserving your way of life. That is, unless you are a hard-core progressive, in which case you probably don’t give a rat’s you-know-what about what these men did.
Did you celebrate D-Day? Let me know what you did: john.simmons@outkick.com.
Thankfully, former Los Angeles Dodgers announcer Vin Scully (may he rest in peace) did care about what these men did. Every year on June 6, he would recount stories about the Normandy invasion, and the Dodgers posted one of his touching tributes on X just two days ago.
Get your Kleenex ready.
This is just one of the many reasons why Scully was the G.O.A.T. of his profession.
Now that you’re feeling a little extra patriotic, let’s dive into "Touch ‘Em All."
Pints Of Ice Cream Don't Stand A Chance Against Joey Chestnut
Picture this: you’re at a minor league game in Toledo, Ohio, watching the Mud Hens play. All of a sudden, you see a guy eating ice cream as fast as he possibly can.
Okay, maybe that’s not super out of the ordinary. In fact, I’d be more surprised if people weren’t trying to eat as much ice cream as their stomachs could contain at a baseball game.
But this wasn’t your average Joe just trying to put himself in a food coma. This mystery man speedily shoveling ice cream down his esophagus was the most spectacular Joe(y) of them all.
The one and only Joey Chestnut graced the crowds with his presence, and blew the minds of spectators by eating not one, not two, not three, but four pints of ice vanilla ice cream - in under a minute.
How in the world is this possible? I’m an ice cream fanatic (side note: Reese’s peanut butter cup is the best flavor, don’t @ me), and I couldn’t down this much desert in one sitting on a good day.
Plus, could you imagine the level of brain freeze Chestnut endured to reach that mark? While he didn’t show signs of a struggle (because he’s a gigachad), he must have felt his brain core temperature (that’s a thing, right?) drop a significant amount.
All I can say is this dude is a legend, full-stop. I’ve never seen someone make eating a grotesque amount of food at uncanny speeds look so cool.
Ippei Mizuhara Lost His Job…Again
Ippei Mizuhara is mostly famous for all the wrong reasons. He used to be Shohei Ohtani’s interpreter, but got himself into a mountain of trouble by spending an obscene amount of Ohtani’s money on sports gambling. As such, he’s facing up to 32 years in prison.
He has a sentencing hearing on Oct. 25, but until then, he’s got some time on his hands. How, you may ask, is he spending it?
No word of a lie, Mizuhara is now working as an Uber Eats driver.
The New York Post obtained photos of the former interpreter casually dropping off some victuals to citizens of Los Angeles.
Part of me thinks that he’s working to pay off the nearly $17 million in debt that he owes. If he gets good tips, that could take him, oh I don’t know, 40 years to pay it off?
Unfirtunately for him, any hopes of using that job to earn some extra income were dashed on Saturday morning.
Ippei Mizuhara (left) used ot interpret for Shohei Ohtani (right). Now, he works as an Uber Eats driver. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports
After photos of him delivering food fort leaked, Uber Eats fired the convicted felon and banned him from being a part of its service.
That's a new low. The guy went from being the interpreter for the game's biggest star, and now can't even make a living as an Uber Eats driver. Talk about a fall from grace.
How long do you think Mizuhara should be in jail for? Let me know: john.simmons@outkick.com.
A White Sox Announcer Called That His Team Would End It's Franchise-Record Losing Streak
Do you smell that odor that reeks of defeat and sustained failure? That's the Chicago White Sox.
They've had a terrible year. They didn’t get their tenth win until May 9, and on the morning of June 8th, they only had 16 wins (yikes). So yeah, it’s been a year to forget for the Southside squad.
On Thursday night, they lost to the Boston Red Sox, 14-2. Everyone in Boston’s lineup was raking; they pounded Chicago’s pitching staff for 24 runs, and utility man Jamie Westbrook got his first career home run after spending 11 years in the minors. Literally nothing could go wrong for the Red Sox on offense that night.
The loss was Chicago’s 14th straight, and broke the franchise record for the longest such streak (that’s depressing). But White Sox announcer Steve Stone confidently declared that Garrett Crochet would pitch Chicago to a victory on Friday and end that horrific streak.
You might be thinking, "Well, he just jinxed his team and basically guaranteed a Boston win." But in fact, the opposite happened.
For once, an announcer's prediction didn't jinx his team. The White Sox (at long last) snapped their losing streak on Friday night, with Crochet recording his sixth win of the year. After a 7-2 victory, John Schiffren was ecstatic and loudly declared to the city that the streak of misery was finally over.
Of course, that doesn't change the fact that the White Sox are in firm control of landing the No. 1 pick in the 2025 Draft. But at least the streak is over!
One More Thing…
For no good reason, you can see some of the best sunrises at an MLB ballpark (see Fenway Park).
But have you ever seen a dope sunset and a double rainbow on the same night? If you were at the Double-A Amarillo Sod Poodles game on Thursday, that’s exactly what you saw.
I might just go ahead and make that my phone lock screen, even though I don’t care one bit about that team (what the heck is a Sod Poodle anyway?). Baseball isn’t just a beautiful game. Sometimes, It’s played under beautiful skies.
Just kidding…One More Thing (I Promise)
The Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Mets are playing in the London Series over the weekend. Before the games actually began, Phillies outfielder Nick Castellanos said he went to walk around the city to observe how people live thier daily lives.
Then out of nowhere, he said that he noticed that all the private school students looked like they just got out of classes at Hogwarts.
We have no way to tell if this was true. But given that the Harry Potter series is one of the most popular fictional worlds in England (and the world), I wouldn't be shocked if many of them did look like they just came from a wizardry class. Plus, he seemed pretty serious when he said it.
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That’s it for this week, and if you've been reading my work, thank you for doing so. If you have any comments on my work, or you want to send me your signature for that petition, or if you have any ideas you want to see me write about, email me at john.simmons@outkick.com. Have a fantastic weekend!