I Have Some Ideas For This Buffalo Bills Hallmark Christmas Movie

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The Buffalo Bills are getting their own Hallmark Christmas movie.

After the success of the Kansas City Chiefs holiday love story last year, the NFL and Hallmark Media have once again joined forces to bring us a feel-good cinematic masterpiece about romance, football and small-town Christmas traditions.

Sure, it's MLB Opening Day and the Sweet 16 starts tonight. But this is the sports news we were really all waiting for today! And who better to deliver this "early Christmas present" than the walking miracle himself, Damar Hamlin?

"We have big news today," the Bills safety said in a video posted to social media on Thursday. "Hallmark Channel and the NFL have selected the Buffalo Bills in the 2025 ‘Countdown to Christmas’ movie draft. Stay tuned this holiday season for the all-new Hallmark Channel movie Holiday Touchdown: A Bills Love Story.

"We’re so excited to celebrate our team, our fans and shout out to Bills Mafia, and our shared love for football and Hallmark Christmas movies. Go Bills. Let’s go."

Look, I know this would be easy to make fun of. And it probably sounds like I'm doing exactly that. But au contraire, my friends — I think it's tremendous.

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Ever since Travis Kelce started snuggling up to Taylor Swift, the NFL has made a conscious effort to appeal to female fans. You're welcome to get on your macho high horse and talk about why you have a problem with that, but be serious, you guys: If you owned a company that was perfectly set up to bring in millions more eyeballs and dollars, you'd be an idiot not to capitalize.

REPORT: Taylor Swift Has Made The NFL Nearly $1 Billion Since She Began Dating Travis Kelce

Besides, football fans and Hallmark Christmas fans are not mutually exclusive. And I am living proof.

For Hallmark's Consideration: Possible Storylines For Buffalo Bills Christmas Love Story

I look forward to Hallmark's Countdown to Christmas every year. Nothing gets me in the holiday spirit quite like sending my husband out for a night with the boys while I snuggle up on the couch in my reindeer pajamas with a bottle of wine and a cheesy movie about a small-town Christmas parade.

Sure, Hallmark Christmas movies are formulaic, predictable and even laughable at times. But there's a certain comfort about them. These corny productions guarantee 90 minutes of not thinking about all the bullsh*t going on in the world, some festive Christmas tunes and — always — a happy ending.

Damn, I'm ready to bake some sugar cookies and throw some tinsel around my living room just thinking about it!

(Photo by Kevin Sabitus/Getty Images)

So far, details about the plot and the actors and actresses involved in the Bills Love Story have not been disclosed. Maybe they haven't even been decided yet! 

So I thought I'd go ahead and take a crack at it myself. I've wasted entirely too much time today dreaming up six solid storylines for a Bills-themed Christmas movie. And not to bang my own drum, but there's no way Hallmark has anything better than this.

Ready? Here we go:

  • I'll Have A (Labatt) Blue Christmas: A big-city sports reporter is sent to Buffalo to cover the Christmas Eve game, but she gets snowed in with a die-hard Bills Mafia family. At first, she's horrified by their barbaric, over-the-top game-day traditions, and she's screaming at her junior producer to get her on the first flight home when the airport re-opens. Then, she starts to fall for a rugged (but kindhearted) Bills fan. Before you know it, this once-uptight broad is jumping through tables and chugging Canadian pilsners. Will she choose love and football over her fast-paced city life?

(Photo by Brett Carlsen/Getty Images)

  • Miracle On 17th Street: A struggling Christmas tree farm is about to go under — until a mysterious stranger (who may or may not be Josh Allen in disguise) shows up and teaches the owner how to believe in miracles again. As she fights to save her farm, she finds herself swept up in the magic of Buffalo, football, and unexpected romance. Obviously, Hailee Steinfeld stars in this one.

(Photo by Kevin Sabitus/Getty Images)

  • Mafia & Mistletoe: Upset by the drunken, oafish reputation of the Bills Mafia, a newly-hired, buttoned-up marketing executive is assigned to "rebrand" the team's fanbase, convincing sponsors that the people of Buffalo aren’t just table-smashing hooligans who take shots out of bowling balls. Ultimately, though, she has a change of heart after she's visited by the ghosts of Bills past, present, and future (Jim Kelly, Dion Dawkins and whoever they draft next month) who show her that the true spirit of the Bills Mafia family is really all about love, charity and community. She falls in love with Pinto Ron after he shows up to the Christmas Eve game dressed as Santa Claus.
  • Love At First Shovel: When a record-breaking Christmas blizzard buries Highmark Stadium, the Bills put out their usual call for fans to help shovel it out before the big holiday game. A struggling single mom, desperate for extra cash for Christmas gifts, signs up — only to find herself paired with a charming but infuriatingly smug man who claims to be the ultimate Bills fan. As they shovel side by side in the cold, she begins to warm up to him and sparks fly. Then, just before kickoff, she discovers his secret: he's actually the owner's son doing undercover research! Will she forgive him for deceiving her?

(Photo by Sarah Stier/Getty Images)

  • The Grinch Who Hates Buffalo: A grumpy Miami Dolphins fan gets stuck in Buffalo on Christmas Eve when his flight home is canceled due to a blizzard. With nowhere to go, he ends up at a local dive bar, where a fun-loving, wing-eating and unexpectedly attractive Bills fan takes it upon herself to convert him. As he’s pulled into table-smashing contests, Zubaz fashion shows and a surprise Bills-themed Secret Santa, he starts to question his allegiance. Can a division rival truly change his heart or is he just cold and lonely?

(Photo by Brett Carlsen/Getty Images)

  • All I Want For Christmas Is Not You: A die-hard Bills fan makes a Christmas wish for the one thing he wants more than anything: to never have to see the Chiefs ruin another playoff run. The next morning, he wakes up in a world where Patrick Mahomes has never played football. At first, life seems perfect — until he realizes that the timeline has changed everything, including the Bills' history. With the help of a quirky, Christmas-loving bar owner, he must find a way to restore the original timeline, accept that some things (and rivalries) are meant to be, and maybe even find love along the way.

Honestly, guys, I think I missed my calling.

Hallmark, if you need a writer (and you're willing to work around my existing full-time employment schedule), just give me a call.

I'll be there with jinglebells on.