I Checked Out Universal Orlando's Epic Universe While It Still Has That New Theme Park Smell

Orlando, Florida is the unquestioned theme park capital of the world, which is why one of the biggest stories in town for years has been Universal Orlando's newest park, Epic Universe.

It's the first full-on theme park to open in Orlando in more than 25 years, and everyone was pretty excited to see what a quarter-century of technological advancements could do to a brand-new theme park.

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Me? I've been patiently twiddling my thumbs for years for the opportunity to get face to face with the iconic Universal Monsters and wheel around Bowser's Castle in a go-kart, and this week I finally got that opportunity.

Let me tell you right up front: Epic Universe is impressive as hell…

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So, full disclosure: my fiancée and I have had tickets to go to Epic Universe for months, but those tickets are for June 2, about two weeks after the park officially opens on May 22. 

However, we have annual passes to Universal Orlando, which gave us the privilege of buying additional tickets for passholder previews.

"We don't need to do that," I told my fiancée. "We'll go in June, no need to buy another pair of tickets when we already have them."

She reasoned that the lines would be shorter and that it would be worth it. I wasn't so sure, but I figured this was good practice for our impending marriage and decided that she was probably right.

She was.

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Epic Universe is a couple of miles away from Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure, which have been around for many years, and a lot of people are familiar. The new park sits closer to the Orange County Convention Center, a part of town I never really go to unless I'm headed to Top Golf to crush some drives or to Andretti Indoor Karting to lay down some track records (neither one of those things is true), so when we pulled into the parking lot, that was our first glimpse of the new park and it's pretty incredible.

We walked to the gate and were greeted by what will become one of the park's most iconic features: its entrance, known as The Chronos.

After snapping some pictures, we walked into the central area of the park called Celestial Park. It's full of water features (I'm a sucker for a water feature), gift shops and restaurants. At the far end of the park sits the Helios Grand Hotel, a deluxe hotel that has direct access to the park.

The Grand Helios Hotel at Universal Orlando's Epic Universe. (Photo courtesy of Matt Reigle)

At 11 am on the dot, the park's four themed lands — Super Nintendo World, Dark Universe, the Isle of Berk, and The Wizarding World of Harry Potter: Ministry of Magic — were opened.

Each land has its own "portal," a themed entranceway that you walk through to enter.

We decided to try to do whatever the other park guests didn't do, and assumed that most people would go to the Universal Monsters-themed Dark Universe or the Harry Potter-themed Ministry of Magic land, so we went to the Isle of Berk, themed after the How To Train Your Dragon movies, which I was completely unfamiliar with, though I was pretty confident that there would be dragons in some capacity.

Our plan was to do a reconnaissance lap around each land, but because we hadn't had time for breakfast, we decided to get some grub in the Isle of Berk, and we knew just what we wanted: a bread cone stuffed with mac and cheese.

This Keto diet adherent's nightmare comes in three varieties, and we got the one topped with Nashville hot chicken, chimichurri, and onion straws.

It was, in a word, "un-freaking-believable."

Move over Wheaties, here's the real breakfast of champions. (Photo courtesy of Matt Reigle)

After that, we need something to drink. So, we walked into the Harry Potter area — which is themed after Paris and the Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them movies. 

There, we hit the "American sports bar," which was full of Quidditch team banners, and ordered a concoction called a "Lobe Blaster."

It sounds aggressive as hell, and was a blend of moonshine, limoncello, absinthe, lemon juice, club soda, and simple syrup with a rosemary sprig, and topped with this green liquid.

Now, I like a Sazerac — which has absinthe in it — but if you don't like that black licorice-y taste, this bad boy isn't for you.

Now that we were full and our thirsts were satiated, it was time for some rides.

First we went to Super Nintendo World, which is the only land that exists in other Universal parks around the world. It's very cool, and there we rode a little ride where you sit in a giant Yoshi and look for eggs, which you can see in the distance.

It's a kids' ride, but still not waiting more than like 20 minutes for it, but, hey, it got our feet wet before we hit the most talked-about ride in the park: Monsters Unchained.

Now, here's a peek behind the curtain: Many days when I work, I have the Universal Monsters channel on in my office before games pick up in the afternoon and evening. I love that stuff, so I was pumped to walk into the Village of Darkmoor (which even features the Invisible Man skulking around outside the Lion's Head Inn) and be immersed in those classic movies.

It also features a pretty good restaurant called the Burning Blade Tavern that even catches on fire like the windmill in Frankenstein.

We had two things to eat from the Burning Blade Tavern. The first was the Garlic Stake, which is a pretzel dripping with garlic because, well, vampires. It was great.

You might want a Tic-Tac after you down a Garlic Stake. (Photo courtesy of Matt Reigle)

Later in the day, we tried a burger at the same place, and while it tasted good, the bun was very dry. Not ideal, but this is something that happens in theme parks sometimes when they're trying to feed thousands of people.

The highlight of Dark Universe, however, is the ride Monsters Unchained, which takes place in Frankenstein Manor.

Now, I've been on just about every ride at Disney World and Universal, and I'm telling you, this is the best one I've ever been on.

I mean, just look at the animatronics in the pre-show:

The ride has you seated on a big robotic arm as you navigate the catacombs under the manor and run into pretty much every Universal Monster, including Frankenstein's monster, Dracula, the Wolfman, the Mummy, the Gillman (from The Creature From The Black Lagoon), and more.

We went on the ride twice — the only one we doubled up on — and whatever the wait time is, I assure you, it's worth it.

And if you're scared of getting motion sick, don't be. I'm prone to motion sickness and had no issue on this ride. Now, the spinning coaster next door called Curse of the Werewolf? That's a different story, and that's why I skipped it.

In fact, the only other ride that made me a bit queasy was actually the Mario Kart: Bowser's Challenge, which uses an augmented reality headset and spins a lot, a combination that could be a recipe to see your lunch again. 

As far as rides go, we got on all but I believe four or five, and one of the big standouts was the roller coaster in the Isle of Berk called Hiccup's Wing Gliders. It was phenomenal. Highly recommend it, even if there's a bit of a wait.

I can't necessarily say the same thing about Mine Cart Madness in Donkey Kong Country, an offshoot of Super Nintendo Land. Don't get me wrong; it's a fun ride, but I don't know that I'd wait more than an hour for it because it's pretty short. We waited about 85 minutes, and that was a bit much.

But, speaking of Donkey Kong Country, that land is so cool. The theming is great and the music awesome. And the banana ice cream float with pineapple Fanta? Delicious.

Banana ice cream and pineapple Fanta are a match made in heaven (and, no, you don't have to buy the souvenir mug, but it's pretty cool). (Photo courtesy of Matt Reigle)

While we're on the topic of grub, let's talk about the pricing. That Donkey Kong drink in the souvenir cup was around $18. That's a little steep, but that's standard in Central Florida theme parks.

Fortunately, my fiancée and I split everything, which makes the price sting a little less.

The only item that I thought was a little ridiculous was the Butterbeer crêpe in the Harry Potter land. It was on our list of things to try, but we didn't realize until we ordered it that it was $20.

Photo: Matt Reigle

Delicious? Yes, and I'm not even a big Butterbeer fan. But worth $20? A resounding, "Hell nah."

In fact, that crêpe cost more than the best thing we had all day, which we picked up at the pizza place in Celestial Park called Pizza Moon.

The inside of this place is kind of nuts. It's based on the 1902 silent film A Trip To The Moon, but ends up making it feel like you stepped into the cover of the Smashing Pumpkins album Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness.

There we got the Pizza Lunare, a pie that has roasted garlic béchamel, ricotta, pancetta, a cheese they call "fromage de lune," and a garlic confit, with all of it sitting on top of a purple-ish crust, which is all thanks to ube, a purple kind of sweet potato.

Theme park pizza is notoriously awful 99.9 percent of the time, but this pizza was so, so good and not just by low theme park standards. It would be good even if it were from the local joint near your house.

That was $18 and fed us both. That's not a bad deal, especially in an Orlando theme park.

Also, we stumbled upon something here. The Coke Freestyle machines in Celestial Park have an option called "Celestial Spritz" that is some kind of citrusy, blood-orange-colored soda that is absolutely dynamite, especially on a hot day.

We spent all day at the park from 11 in the morning until just after 8 at night, and there's still a ton of things we didn't get to do. 

More rides to do, more food to eat, and more Gillman hats, shirts, slippers, boardshorts and gloves to buy.