The Gripe Report: Lane Slicers, People Who Don't Want To Pay When A Job Is Done

I know we haven’t even hit the summer solstice yet — a day that new-age douches like to think is magical, although it is in the sense that drinking a beer at almost 9 pm while it’s still light out is pretty magical — but in my mind and in the world of The Gripe Report, it’s officially summer right now.

Memorial Day is the unofficial official start of summer, but I think we need to make it the official official start of summer. That’s how everyone sees it. Who cares what the universe has to say about it? Once we throw some burgers and dogs on the grill at 1 pm on a Monday, it’s officially summer in my book.

Got a Gripe?: Send it in!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com

So, considering it’s now summer, I’m gearing up for a nice summer road trip with my girlfriend. We’re the only people on the planet leaving Florida and driving 12 hours north to go to the beach on North Carolina’s famed Outer Banks.

Still, it’s great up there and a bunch of family is going to be there too, and it’ll be a great time. But if you don’t think there will be some gripe material to be plucked from this experience, then you must be new around here.

I’m already dreading the packing process. I’m a chronic over-packer because I factor in every conceivable scenario that could put my shirts, shorts, or — God forbid — underwear out of commission. So, a week’s worth of clothes for the beach looks more like a month’s worth of clothes for a sub-Saharan expedition.

Then, Tetris-ing everything in the car has been getting me wound up. Don’t get me wrong, when you flip the seats down in a 2022 Kia Forte it’s nothing if not spacious, but we’re going to be tight on space, what with all the beach gear we’ve got. Hell, I don’t even think there’s space for me to bring a boogie board if I wanted to (and I do want to, I just don’t want other beachgoers to feel self-conscious about their boogie boarding skills when they see me carve up some waves, bruh).

I’m the kind of guy that won’t be able to relax on this trip until I’m at the beach house with a brewski in my paw looking out at the ocean, but I’m sure the pre-stress will be worth the stress.

At least, it better be…

So, given the summer is just getting started. I want to hear your summer, vacation, and road trip gripes.

Go ahead and send them to me: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com.

Now, let’s get on with some griping, shall we?

Intentional or not, people who careen across traffic are some of the worst who walk among us. (Getty Images)

People Who Cut Across Traffic

Since we started with some road trip talk, I think that our pal, Joe "Not That Joe" In Ohio has a gripe that’s rather apropos:

Lane slicers. That is the name, at least in central Ohio, for drivers on freeways who suddenly cut across three (or more) lanes of traffic, sometimes to access an exit or a business driveway but often just for the heck of it. No signal. My purely unscientific research has resulted in the conclusion that approximately seventy percent of them obtained their driver's licenses in Addis Ababa within the previous year.

…

I’m ashamed to admit this as a seventh-grade Geography Bee champion (and eighth-grade runner-up; politics, they robbed my school chums of seeing a dynasty), that I had to look up Addis Ababa, but it’s the capital of Ethiopia and features some nightmarish traffic that makes your normal rush hour commute seem as wide open as the Bonneville Salt Flats (again, Geography Bee champ… and runner-up).

This kind of thing is all too familiar to me. 

I live in a very touristy area, so a car flying from several lanes over to hop off at an exit isn’t just common, it’s expected.

Of course, it happens to all of, us, especially in unfamiliar places.

But I’m always struck by how frequently I see this move from taxi drivers and hotel shuttle drivers. Anytime I pick one up from the airport, there’s at least one moment when I have to stand on the brakes to avoid clobbering the back of a shuttle bus bound for a Hyatt.

I swear; every single time.

There’s no excuse — aside from just being an ass — for that when they’re driving in the same area all the time for a living.

Ugh. It’s the worst, and I’m ready for this sort of thing on my 12-hour trip up I-95. 

Some people don't realize that when someone does a job for you, they want to be paid. (Getty Images)

People Who Don’t Want To Pay After Someone Finishes A Job For Them

We’ve got a gripe from Anthony about something I can’t believe happens, but he says after a day of offering his landscaping services, some people can’t grasp that he would like to be paid for his services:

I am a landscaper. How come after a long day of digging holes the customer asks me If I "need a check today"   UMMM f–k YA! is what I want to say.  

Chaps my ass.  

…

Get me some Burt’s Bees because my ass is also chapped after this one too.

Who does that?

Just think about pulling this move if you go to get any other service. Let's say a haircut. 

You go through the whole process, the barber hands you a mirror and asks what you think, so you lie and say "Looks great!" because you don't like confrontation, then you hop out of the chair and he says to you, "Alright, you can come to the front desk and pay."

Then you freeze in your racks.

"Pay? Now?! I thought you wanted that when it grew out a little and I stopped looking like Lloyd Christmas."

If you can't or don't want to pay for a service when it's being done, then you probably shouldn't have wasted the person's time. It's just rude, and it's wild that there are adults who walk among us who do this.

A phenomenal reference to Alex DeLarge has led us to a conversation about how younger people don't appreciate history.  (Photo by Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images)

Circling Back (To Borrow Some Annoying Corporate Jargon): Droogs And Comptrollers

I don't say this often, but last week was a phenomenal edition of The Gripe Report. Just top-tier from start to finish.

But I wanted to revisit two things we talked about because some readers had some comments.

First off is my droogie Chris who was a fan of the A Clockwork Orange reference I shoehorned in when we were talking about people who complain about reality TV:

Excellent reference, Matt! Now let’s see how many of the young bucks have to wonder who the hell you’re talking about.

Your droog,
Chris

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You can't blame the youths for not knowing about something that came out before they were born… wait, yes you can.

Not knowing Alex DeLarge is trivial, but unfortunately the way younger people don't know some of these things speaks to a certain mindset.

It does seem like having an appreciation for history — be it in the most literal sense or even just works of art and people — is a top priority for younger people.

I think you can learn the most by looking backward. For instance, if you like someone's music, movies, or writing, go look at who influenced them and then check out their work. You'll find some pretty cool stuff, and it'll help you grow no matter what your pursuit is.

I'm not sure why a lot of kids don't seem to do that as much. It could just be that it takes time and effort (*ding ding ding*) but it's kind of a bummer.

Anyway, enough of doing my best Grandpa Simpson "Old Man Yells At Cloud" impression. Let's learn something.

In that same Gripe Report, I mentioned not having any clue what a comptroller did.

Fortunatley, MP From Virginia has the answer:

Matt, per Wikipedia: a comptroller is a management-level position responsible for supervising the quality of accounting and financial reporting of an organization. Hopefully, this will answer your question. Have a good weekend. 

MP from Virginia

…

It certainly did MP, and it also taught me I have no interest in becoming one. 

Supervising accounting and financial reporting? You mean working with numbers?

Guys, that's exactly why I became a writer; I can't do math.

Alright, if I want to get in on municipal or county government, I'm going to need to look elsewhere.

Maybe a tax collector, I think I'd be good at that.

(*taps knee-capping crowbar menacingly against hand*)

…

Well, that's it for this week, folks. We'll reconvene next week and in the meantime, keep those gripes coming!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com