Great News: Wild Forward Mats Zuccarello Still Has Both Testicles

Minnesota Wild forward Mats Zuccarello avoided a major, and I mean major, scare.

In the first period of a game against the Montreal Canadiens on November 14, Zuccarello was trying to set a screen in front of the opposing goalie when defenseman Brock Faber took a shot from the point. Unfortunately, Faber’s speedy shot hit Zuccarello right in the batteries.

That just hurts to watch.

Being the up-to-date hockey expert he is, OutKick’s Matt Reigle broke the news for us that Zuccarello would be out indefinitely - and I can’t blame the guy. After taking a hockey puck to the family jewels, you need to rest up and make sure you’re 100% before skating again.

Fortunately, Wild forward Marcus Foligno said that while his teammate suffered a ruptured testicle that required surgery, he does indeed still have balls (emphasis on the plural form of that word).

"We thought he was gonna lose one nut, but it actually survived and he’s got them both still," Foligno told the 93X "Half-Assed Morning Show" on Wednesday. "Poor guy got hit where the sun don’t shine and it ruptured his testicle. He can’t even lift anything. It was hilarious. It’s funny after, now that he’s OK."

Someone, give me three cheers for intact nuts!

For the immediate future, Minnesota is going to have to find a way to replace Zuccarello’s offense. He was the third-highest scorer on the team with six goals and eight assists in 16 games when he got a puck to the nuts.

But the good news is that no one will have to find a way to replace Zuccarello’s balls! That would have been a lot harder to do.