ESPN Story About Transgender WNBA Player Uses An Impressive Number Of Pronouns

I know it's Saturday, and you probably don't want to dive into an ESPN story about an outgoing transgender WNBA player you've never heard of until now. 

I get it, trust me. There are literally 1 million other things I'd rather read about on the internet than a trailblazing nonbinary transgender WNBA player with enough pronouns to make your head spin. I think I'd rather read all of Project 25 before that, and I'm pretty sure it's over 900 pages. 

BUT, trust me on this one – you HAVE to at least indulge me here, for just a second. Look, I did the math for you. I read it, so you don't have to. 

This little novel is a rollercoaster from the jump, and it checks literally every single ESPN box known to man. It may win a Pulitzer for virtue-signaling. Hell, it may earn this author a pay raise. A substantial one, at that. 

Behold, the wokest, most progressive story on the internet today:

Layshia Clarendon walked so Caitlin Clark could run

Again, I read it so you don't have to. Let's dive right in! Here's the real crux of the story, and the point when you know you're gonna be in for one hell of a ride:

Clarendon, who uses she/her, he/him, and they/them pronouns, was drafted ninth by the Indiana Fever in 2013.

What is that, six different options? SIX! Finkle is Einhorn … Einhorn is Finkle! Credit to Layshia Clarendon for giving us some runway, though. As long as you don't call her/him/they/them a cat, I think you're good. 

You'll probably still get yelled at because you'll inevitably say something offensive by accident, but at least you tried. 

Now, seeing this, the author of this Pulitzer winner – Katie Barnes – had a decision to make. Pick one pronoun and stick with it from start to finish … or just jam them all in at various points. A giant, woke – but delicious – pronoun sandwich, if you will. 

Katie, thankfully for us, chose the latter!

They averaged 7.6 points, 3.2 assists and 2.7 rebounds per game during their 12-year WNBA career.

She posted a triple-double in the Sparks' season opener against the Dream in May.

She also played for the Atlanta Dream. 

During the 2020 bubble season, Clarendon and the Liberty wore "Trans Lives Matter" shirts, but Clarendon hadn't publicly shared their gender identity. That changed after the season, when Clarendon shared that they were nonbinary and transgender.

They advocated for LGBTQIA+ inclusive policies across the league as well as for racial justice.

He averaged 16.4 points, 4.0 rebounds, and 2.8 assists as a senior.

Clarendon said that whenever he ran out of the tunnel and saw signs from fans who were members of the LGBTQIA+ community, he always felt special. Same with fans who bought his jersey because of what he represented.

My God. Could you just, for one second, imagine if your grandpa or someone accidentally wondered onto ESPN.com and clicked on that article? It would be pure chaos. He wouldn't know what hit him. He'd have a heart attack, right there on the spot. 

There's virtue-signaling. There's pandering. There's being progressive. And then there's … that. Calling an actual person, he, they, them, and she at different points in the same story is one of the most impressive, yet ridiculous achievements I've ever seen in this industry. 

Kudos, Katie. Ya nailed it. Cronkite would be proud. 

Anyway, congrats to Layshia on the big retirement! Thanks for all you/him/they/them/she did for the WNBA. 

You walked, so Caitlin Clark could run.