Edible Mascot On The Way For Pop-Tarts Bowl Which Will Be Interesting Considering How Filthy Mascots Can Be

I didn't think we'd have some serious mascot innovation when the news broke that the beloved Cheez-It Bowl was being rebranded as the Pop-Tarts Bowl, but I don't think about a lot of things that turn out to be true.

However, "innovation" doesn't always mean a great idea. Crystal Pepsi was technically an innovation in the field of colorless beverages, but look how that turned out. That's how I feel about the idea of an edible mascot.

Innovative? Yes. Rife with problems that could lead to inevitable failure? Also yes.

If you haven't heard, the bowl game which takes place at Orlando's Camping World Stadium, announced that it will unveil the world's first edible mascot as part of the proceedings this year.

Talk about coming in with a bang, albeit one that could turn out to be more of a thud.

Prince Cheddward was the mascot for the Cheez-It Bowl. It was always going to be tough to fill that sentient wheel of cheesy royalty's regal shoes. If not impossible. That's why I think they went the gimmicky route with this new mascot.

Look; I like mascots, and I like Pop-Tarts (or I did until I read the nutrition facts. I guess I still like them, just a bit more shamefully). Not once did I ever think that I needed those two worlds to crash into each other.

Here's why, if this is going to be an honest-to-goodness edible mascot — not some statue of a Pop-Tart — some real problems need to be contended with.

The edible Pop-Tart mascot will have to fill the regal shoes of Cheez-It Bowl mascot, Prince Cheddward, who while not edible, did a hell of a job during his reign. (Photo by David Rosenblum/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Mascotting Is A Dirty Business, Eating One — Even A Walking Pop-Tarts Mascot — Is Ill-Advised

First and foremost, mascots are absolutely filthy. Those costumes are disgusting. I hate to shatter the illusion, but inside that goofy-looking costume is some dude sweating his absolute balls off while he entertains the crowds. Credit to him, it's a hard job, but do you know what they don't do with those costumes after every game? Wash them.

I still remember going to the American Hockey League All-Star game as a kid and dry-heaving through the concourse because I was stuck behind one mascot whose costume had clearly not been aired out properly in weeks (screw it, I'll put him on blast: it was the Bridgeport Sound Tigers' mascot).

Mascottery is a filthy business. People spill beer and popcorn on them while kids grab their fur with sticky, boogery hands. Add to that the human performer's sweat and you've got yourself a recipe for something far less than appetizing.

So, knowing this, even after the biggest win of your collegiate career would you take a bite out of the mascot? No, you would not. Hell, it'd need to be a New Year's Six game before I even considered it. Unless this edible mascot performs its mascotly duties — firing t-shirt cannons, harassing fans, wandering around the concourse before the game, etc — in one of those mylar-looking Pop-Tart wrappers then taking a bite would be a no for me, dawg.

Also, don't the optics look weird too? No one wants to see a Gatorade-soaked coach take a big bite of pastry and filling from a giant Pop-Tart with a face.

Pop-Tarts are having a moment right now. Between this mascot, Jerry Seinfeld's movie about them, and... well, I guess, that's it.

But still; what a time to be a Pop-Tart.

We'll find out who has to weigh their options about whether or not to dig into a mascot when the Pop-Tarts Bowl takes place on December 28th.

Come to think of it, maybe whether or not the winning coach actually does it would make for a decent prop bet.

Follow on X: @Matt_Reigle