Dale Jr. Admits He Raced Better After Drinking, Smoking And Partying: 'We'd Kick A**'

Dale Earnhardt Jr. continues to say the quiet part out loud in his post-NASCAR Cup Racing career. 

Whether it's taking a dump on the current short track package, or burying the dummies in marketing for racing on Easter Sunday, Junior has pretty much been a sounding board for the rest of us NASCAR fans over the past couple years. 

This latest rant, though, may be some of his best work. His finest hour. His Mona Lisa. 

To all you young, Gen-Z, hipster, organic-food-only NASCAR drivers (and 48-year-old Jimmie Johnson), here's a memo from Dale Jr. and the rest of us old-timers: we race better when we're fat, drunk, and buzzing. 

And that's just the way it is. 

"This is not advice. This is bad advice. But this is what I did. I felt like I didn’t run as good or race as good if I didn’t blow off some steam on a Tuesday or Wednesday night," Earnhardt said earlier this week on his Dirty Mo podcast before launching into an old story from his Hendrick days when the gym nerds in the building convinced him to workout like Jimmie Johnson. 

"I’m gonna work on it. I’ll do better," he continued. "I’m gonna lose some weight, I’m gonna work out. I’m gonna do these new things to try and be in better physical shape and better mental shape. I would abstain from drinking or something for a couple of weeks and the results didn’t change for me.

"And then I’d go party with my buddies or something or have friends over on a Tuesday night and we’d damn kick ass on the race weekend. I was like, ‘Maybe I’m just one of the old guards man. I need to drink and smoke cigarettes and go kick ass."

Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Kyle Busch try to make NASCAR great again

Raise hell, praise Dale! Say it louder for the folks in the back, Junior. 

Hell, say it loud enough that my wife can hear you, because Lord knows I'm on your side here. I'm not the only one, either. 

Kyle Busch – another one of them old guards – hopped on the Pat McAfee Show yesterday and was asked which plan he subscribes to: Dale's, or Jimmie's …

Take a guess at which one Rowdy prefers. 

Ya can't drive a slow car fast. God, I loved Dick Trickle. Great name, even better racer. 

"He'd show up to the track with Coors Light in one hand and a cigarette in the other."

When the old folks bitch and moan about NASCAR and how it's nothing like it was in the good old days, that, boys and girls, is what they're talking about. Right there. 

You wanna fix the ratings? Put asses back in the seats? Let the drivers show up to the track hungover and ripping Marb Reds. Let ‘em have a roadie under one of those stupid stage breaks. Let ’em light one up during a pit stop and flick the butt straight onto the ground like a real man. 

Thank God for Dale, Rowdy, Dick, and all the other semi-fat, fully tanked NASCAR drivers out there today. Long live. 

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