Bryce Harper Helps Teenager Find A Keeper, The ABS Sounds Brilliant, And Here's Why You Must Visit Fenway

Are you ready for Week 4 of Touch ‘Em All? Well, it doesn’t really matter, because it’s here!

Last week, I talked about three different stories that left me confused and or shocked. But this time, we’ve got several things that should make you feel joy and excitement instead.

I mean, talking about baseball - the greatest game in the world - should already get you brimming with happiness. But in case your week is going as badly as the Washington Nationals’ (one win in the past seven days, yikes), here’s a little extra to give you a serotonin boost.

Bryce Harper Helped A Teenager Find A Girl Who Is Wife Material

The first bit of news involves a "promposal."

Okay, I know that’s not really news; we’re at that time of year where those are happening left and right. But I bet not many of the ones that you may have seen involved a professional baseball player.

Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Jake Portello, a senior who goes to Haddonfield Memorial High School in New Jersey, was one of the few (only?) exceptions.

Apparently, this teenager lives close to Philadelphia Phillies star Bryce Harper. Portello wanted to impress his potential prom date (Giulia), so he swung for the fences and asked Harper to help him out.

Needless to say, the whole thing was a smashing success and Portello landed his prom date.

But the best part about this isn’t that the two teens have agreed to awkwardly dance with each other for an evening (because that’s all people really do at proms). The best part is that from this interaction, Jake now knows Giulia is a keeper.

How do we know this? Think about it. Just look at how ecstatic she got when Harper showed up at her front door. She tried to not cry from excitement and rushed to give him a hug; to her, it was like Jake wasn’t even there!

RELATED: Will Cain Debates Best Wingmen In Sports After Bryce Harper Promposal Assist

If I were Jake, I’d take it as a sign that I found someone worth keeping around. Young girls that appreciate baseball are few and far between these days, and you’ve got to capitalize when you meet one.

Maybe in a few years, Harper can help with a marriage proposal?

The MLB Could Install A Great Umpire Change Really Soon

If you’re like me, the thing you can’t stand the most in a game (other than batters looking at strike three, gosh that gets me frustrated) is umpires messing up balls and strikes calls.

By proxy, that means that guys like Ángel Hernández are routinely on your MLB crap list. For me, he’s only slightly behind the Red Sox’s ownership group and anyone who plays for the New York Yankees.

Who's your least favorite MLB ump? Let me know at john.simmons@outkick.com.

Guys like him (and there are several) will continuously make horrible calls in massive situations that will (rightfully) infuriate coaches and batters. To make it more frustrating, they’ll throw out anybody who dares argue with them over objectively horrific calls.

Gosh I’m getting amped up just thinking about this.

But have no fear, the MLB is strongly considering a way to significantly mitigate the damage done by these clowns.

MLB commissioner Rob Manfred has hinted that the MLB could be installing an ABS system (automated balls and strikes) in the near future. 

What exactly would it look like?

Take a look at this clip below from a Triple AAA game. 

So the pitcher and catcher believe that the pitch is a strike (though called a ball) and tell the umpire they want to challenge it. With the help of the automated strike zone, they’re able to figure out it was a strike and play continues. 

Basically, we could soon live in a world where we no longer have to fully rely on the capabilities of men like Hernández to get balls and strikes right, while not having to remove the human umpire element of the game.

I can’t wait for the league to get to that new horizon.

You Need To Visit Fenway Park, If Only To See An Incredible Sunset

I’ve gone to Fenway Park dozens of times growing up, and it's become one of my favorite places on planet Earth. There are countless things that I could talk about to convince you that going to this iconic stadium is an experience you won’t regret.

But I’ll give you one that’s a little unconventional.

Picture this: you’re sitting in your seat on the first base line. The Green Monster towers straight ahead in the distance, you pick up the scent of popcorn, hot dogs, and ice cold beer, and a gentle breeze provides just the right balance of summer warmth and coolness.

But if you tilt your head just slightly upward, you see a sunset fit for a Claude Monet painting. 

I don’t know what it is about the geographical positioning on Fenway that makes it a hotspot for fantastic sunsets, but gah lee they will leave you speechless. 

BOSTON, MA - AUGUST 14: Alex Verdugo #99 of the Boston Red Sox looks on during sunset during the third inning of a game against the New York Yankees on August 14, 2022 at Fenway Park in Boston, Massachusetts.(Photo by Billie Weiss/Boston Red Sox/Getty Images)

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS - SEPTEMBER 05: A view of a sunset behind the grandstand and Fenway Park sign during the second inning of the game between the Minnesota Twins and Boston Red Sox at Fenway Park on September 05, 2019 in Boston, Massachusetts. (Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)

Not only do you get to eat a dog and a beer while watching a baseball game featuring the best sports team to ever exist, you get to witness the majesty of the heavens unfold in front of your very eyes.

What more of a sell do you need to visit Fenway Park?

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That's it for this week! As always, thanks so much for reading. Let me know your thoughts or any stories you might want me to talk about by emailing john.simmons@outkick.com.