Big-Boned Dirt Racer Sprints To A Beating, Race Official Nearly Decapitated & The Angriest NASCAR Driver Ever
We are IN it, boys and girls. In the thick of it.
The NASCAR offseason is short – we're less than two months away from it being OVER – but that doesn't mean it's not a drag. This happens every year.
We start the offseason strong, and really find our groove right around Thanksgiving. That's when NASCAR holds its annual banquet, the NASCAR WAGs come out to play, and we pump out the greatest non-woke Monday racing column this side of the Mississippi.
But then, we hit December, and I have to wake up on a cold Monday morning and scratch and claw just to find something to get you guys to come to an offseason class.
So, long story short, we're gonna go ahead and skip today and regroup next week. Sorry, I just don't have it in me. Just being honest.
Some days you go to the mound with your best stuff. Some days you go out there and get the piss beat out of you for three innings until the manager finally puts you down.
We're getting the piss beat out of us today. I'll see you next week …
… just kidding! We're Patriots. We fight. Trump didn't take a bullet for us just for me to take an offseason Monday off. This ain't the AP. We win awards for Mondays like this. Let's roll.
I've got the best fight you'll ever see down at the Gateway Dirt Nationals, a car flipping out of the same track, Kurt Busch checks in with a couple expletives and his hot new girlfriend, and the NASCAR muckity-mucks are trying to ruin the Xfinity (Busch) Series.
How's THAT for mailing it on an offseason Monday? Take that, F1! We haven't raced in a month, and we're STILL gonna do better numbers than your lame-ass series this morning.
OK, four tires, we'll skip the fuel today, and maybe a Gatorade for this fella in the Dirt Nationals … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘We Are GRINDING In December’ edition – is LIVE!
I'm all in on this effort
The great thing about this column is, unlike other major sports, when NASCAR goes into hibernation, the rest of the racing world does NOT.
I've long said that if you really wanna experience racing, go to a local track on a Friday and Saturday night and take it all in. That's where you'll fall in love with the sport. Not some woke Chicago street race where the bullets fly in Turn 6.
Grassroots racing is the best. These guys are scratching and clawing for every single inch, and I'm fairly certain they ain't making a ton of money by doing so. They do it because they love racing, and they're chasing the dream.
Speaking of chasing …
Flippity doo-dah!
Incredible. What a specimen. What an athlete. First off, it's impressive that this youngin' had the stamina to get from A to B with his body type. Zero shot I could do that, and I'm a solid 90 pounds less fat.
Notice I said less fat. Not skinnier. I know my worth.
Anyway, it's perfect from start to finish, including the finale when some random dude finally makes his way over to this crime scene and nonchalantly breaks it up. I mean, absolutely no eagerness on the track's part to stop this ass-beating (I use that term loosely here, obviously). Boys will be boys, I reckon.
And hey! Good news. Blake DID ultimately talk to Dakota Smith:
Yep. Thought I'd love this dude based on what I saw in the first video, and I was right. Simple, to the point, and honest.
Just being stupid … wasn't no sense in it.
Amen, Dakota. Dale Sr. couldn't have said it better himself. You in on Dakota? Lemme know! Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.
OK, let's hang with the Dirt fellas a little longer:
Solid week for Kurt Busch
My God. See? This is why I refuse to get anywhere close to the action at my local dirt track.
PS: that would be Volusia Speedway in Barberville, and it's the greatest place you'll ever visit in this county. Just follow the Trump signs and you'll eventually find it.
I've been to a ton of races there, mostly during Speedweek(s), and I've taken enough dirt pellets to the eye to know to keep my distance. Great corn dogs and Busch Light, too. And if you love fried meat on a stick (hey now!), you'll be in heaven.
Speaking of fried meat on a stick (what?), Kurt Busch has been weirdly making the internet rounds recently because A) his current girlfriend is a smoke show, and B) he used to be an absolute joy to watch:
Cupping up the Busch Series & random stuff to end the day
That last comment? Come on. That's funny. Kurt has, like, a billion DUIs over his career, including one earlier this year. Nobody got hurt or died, so I can laugh at it. Sorry, those are the rules.
And hey! Welcome to this damn column, Lyda! Let's go ahead and make that Instagram public so we can make you the star you are destined to be.
Welcome to the show!
OK, couple quickies on the way out. First up? Actual NASCAR news!
Hey, Steve Phelps … leave the Xfinity car ALONE. The Next Gen car STINKS. It's awful. We hate it. Busch racing is better. Truck racing is waaaaaaaaay better. Unless the Cup fellas are on a mile-and-a-half track, the racing generally sucks in the Next Gen.
Leave the Busch Series alone!
Speaking of trying to run something into the ground …
Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Nellie! That kneecap was nearly a goner. My God. Close call, but also, maybe don't stand in the middle of a live track at night in a purple jacket? I don't know. Just a thought.
I don't fault this guy too much, though. It's the Wild Wild West on a live track. I've nearly been hit by so many automobiles in Daytona I lost count somewhere back in 2019.
While we're talking about the old days …
Incredible. God, I used to love Christmas shopping this time of year. Does Sears still exist? No shot, right? I wish, because buddy, it was the BEST. And by the way, $35 for a NASCAR jumpsuit? Unreal deal.
We used to be such a great country.
OK, that's it for today. Over 1,000 words on a Monday in December? The wokes are TREMBLING this morning. This is why we win awards.
Take us home … NASCAR's Danielle Trotta – and Larry Mac!
NICE.