Ángel Hernández Retired (Praise), The A's Announcer Jinxes Her Team & An O's Fan WHISTLED The National Anthem
My biggest gripe about non-baseball fans is that they inconceivably claim that not many exciting things happen during the regular season.
No seriously.
They think that in a 162-game season featuring 30 teams of the best baseball players in the universe (by saying this, I’m assuming aliens aren’t real…or are they?), barely anything happens that’s worth mentioning.
I beg to differ.
Just this past week, we saw the worst announcer's jinx of the year, an Orioles fan whistled the national anthem with mind-boggling clarity, and Ángel Hernández retired.
*insert record-player screeching noise*
Wait, what was that last one?
Let’s start there with "Touch ‘Em All" this week. Send any thoughts you have on the column to john.simmons@outkick.com.
Ángel Hernández Is Retiring…For Good
For those of you who may not know, Hernández is the single worst umpire in the MLB over the past 20+ years, and it’s not close.
If I had a dollar for every missed balls and strikes call he’s made in his career (which began in 1991), I could buy an island home in Tahiti and live there comfortably for the rest of my life. His presence behind the plate was usually anything but angelic.
Many MLB players and fans rightfully despised his otherworldly ability to screw up the most obvious of calls. But at long last, the nightly fiascos of Hernández are done.
Is Ángel Hernández's retirement the best thing to happen in the MLB this year? Ever?! Let me know: john.simmons@outkick.com.
He appeared behind home plate for a May 9 game between the Chicago White Sox and Cleveland Guardians. A couple of weeks later, news broke that this was indeed his last game.
Can’t you just hear a choir belting out "Hallelujah" in the background? Or is that just me?
Anyway, his retirement is effective immediately. No need to delay celebrating until the end of the 2024 season. Pop the champagne bottles and light the fireworks, he is going, going, gone!
Maybe you’re thinking I’m the only one excited about this, but I’m not. The X universe erupted in euphoria over the news.
But perhaps the funniest reaction came from the "Umpire Auditor" page, where the author typed up a hilarious (and somewhat sarcastic) tribute to Hernández.
The A's Play-By-Play Announcer Delivered The WORST Announcer's Jinx Of The Season
On Wednesday, Tampa Bay Rays centerfielder Jose Siri hit a walk-off single in the bottom of the ninth inning to seal a 4-3 victory over the visiting Oakland A's.
The next night, with his team losing 4-3 in the bottom of the ninth, Siri walked up to the plate in the clutch once again.
Jose Siri got the last laugh on Wednesday. (Photo by Julio Aguilar/Getty Images)
With the memory of the previous night's defeat fresh in her mind, Jenny Cavnar (who calls A's road games) wanted to get a verbal jab in at Siri. So, after he swung wildly the first pitch of the at-bat, Cavnar came up with a clever (yet not totally original) roast of the player.
"Hey Siri, it's not your night," Cavnar said.
(Unless you've had an Android your entire life, you get the reference).
Okay Cavnar, I see you. Talking trash on live TV might not be the wisest thing ever, but I'm here for it.
Unfortunately for her, so was Siri. I doubt he actually heard her say that, but it seems like he took it personally.
On the next pitch after the jab, he pelted a fastball into the left field bleachers to tie the game.
Any more entries for the "Worst Announcer's Jinx" award for 2024 will no longer be accepted, because we have a winner.
Can't you just hear the "What have I done?" energy seeping into every word of her unenthusiastic home run call? I can only imagine how a torrent of embarrassment likely engulfed her after that sequence of events.
To make things worse for Cavnar, Tampa Bay ended up stealing a 6-5 win in 12 innings to take the series. Maybe next time, she should wait until he's actually out to drop that one-liner.
Speaking Of Anger Management Issues…
Okay, that's not really a perfect segue. But I really just want to show you this hilarious clip from 50 years ago.
Back when I was negative-26 (you do the math on how old that makes me), Lenny Randle was up to bat for the Texas Rangers against the Cleveland Indians (back when they weren't politically correct). Pitcher Milt Wilcox threw behind him in one at-bat, which ticked off Randle.
Now most batters would handle this by barking at the pitcher or just charging the mound. Instead, Ranlde found a more creative way to get his revenge.
On the next pitch, he laid down a bunt (back when MLB players were actually capable of doing this on a regular basis) down the first baseline. This forced Wilcox to field the ball, and…
Well, just watch.
Can you imagine this happening in today's league? Guys would get thrown in jail. But back then, brawls like this happened multiple times in a season.
Were those the good old days? Maybe not. But man, was it entertaining.
An Orioles Fan Literally Whistled The National Anthem And It Was Incredible
Before each baseball game, the fans pay their respects to America by singing the National Anthem.
Personally, I love it. Why not stir up a little patriotic pride before cheering your team on to victory?
But you've gotta admit, there's nothing really memorable about these things. Sure, every once in a while someone kills it in front of the mic (or doesn't), but usually those couple of minutes before the game don't produce anything unusual.
That is, unless you went to Camden Yards on Wednesday night.
Before the Baltimore Orioles played the Boston Red Sox, an Orioles fan whistled - yup, whistled - the entirety of the national anthem in front of tens of thousands of fans.
To be honest, I can't think of any more national anthem performances more amazing than this (except Chris Stapleton's Super Bowl LVII rendition, which was a BANGER). But seriously, would anyone besides this man have the guts to whistle that beautifully in a packed stadium?
I know I wouldn't. I like to think of myself as an adequate whistler, but I couldn't touch this guy's talent with a 10-foot pole. The flawless pitch changes, the pristine pace, the robust confidence; this man is the Babe Ruth of whistlers. At multiple points in the song, it sounded like there were multiple whistlers at the same time. There wasn't a single pause or hiccup in his performance, and he did it with his eyes closed!
This performance needs to be given its own separate video display in Cooperstwon before the end of the year. I'll even start a petition to get it done if that's what it takes.
…
That’s it for this week. I want to thank those of you who have been reading. It’s a bright spot in my work week. If you have any comments on my work, or you want to send me your signature for that petition, or if you have any ideas you want to see me write about, email me at john.simmons@outkick.com. Have a fantastic weekend!