Aaron Judge Is The Face Of A New Cologne Which Is Cool For Him But Why Would That Make Us Buy The Cologne?

New York Yankees slugger Aaron Judge is the new face of Ralph Lauren's latest fragrance, which is awesome for him, but probably won't make anyone run out and buy a bottle.

According to The New York Post, Judge is the new face of "Polo Est. 67," which is supposed to smell like "a woody, citrus blend of bergamot and vetiver with a sweet pineapple accord." 

Since it's hard to sell cologne to people without letting them take a whiff, Ralph Lauren has teamed up with the Yankees superstar. 

Doing his part, Judge said sports and cologne go together like baseball and hotdogs, and not just because you need cologne to ward off locker room stink.

"There’s a unique connection between the two because they’re both sensorial experiences that are filled with emotion," he said. "In sports, whether you’re on the field or in the stands, there’s this electric energy and adrenaline. Fragrance, on the other hand, has a unique ability to transport you to a specific moment in time, which can be equally powerful and emotional."

Uh… okay? I'll just have to take your word for that, Aaron.

I've lost many hours of sleep trying to figure it out, but I still have no idea what Johnny Depp playing guitar for wolves has to do with smelling good.  (Photo by Beata Zawrzel/NurPhoto via Getty Images)

No Product Is Marketed As Bizarrely As Cologne

I'm not a cologne enthusiast or collector, but I do appreciate what it does because I don't like to stink. Not even for my own nostrils' sake. I'm just a nice guy and don't want other people to start dry heaving when I walk into a room (at least not because of my odor).

What I don't get about cologne is how they market it. I get that it can be tough to sell cologne to people if smelling it isn't an option. So the celebrity endorsements make sense, but I still hate the pretentious, abstract way they try to convince you it's worth buying.

I am weirdly fascinated by this commercial for a Dior cologne featuring Johnny Depp playing mediocre guitar while surrounded by wolves.

The cologne bottle at the end of the commercial aside, what the hell does that have to do with smelling good?

I have to imagine during the shoot for this, someone looked at the desert setting, wolves, and Johnny Depp strumming chords in front of a wall of amplifiers and said, "Wait, what is this a commercial for?"

Why would I buy Aaron Judge cologne over Johnny Depp/guitar/wolf cologne or vice versa? Because I like baseball? Because guitars and wolves are badass?

It makes no sense to me when the whole purpose of the product is just smelling good. 

Here is my idea for a cologne ad: I stand in front of a white background, I hold up the bottle, and say to the camera, "Hey, this stuff smells great, and your lady friend will like it." That's it. That's all cologne needs to do. It doesn't matter if the spokesperson pops dingers like no one's business or is just okay enough at guitar to play in a band with Joe Perry and Alice Cooper.

Anyway, congrats to Aaron Judge on what is surely a lucrative endorsement deal. Good for him!