1 Down, 42 To Go In South Carolina Lab Monkey Search
I don't know about you, but I've been keeping an eye on this lab monkey situation in South Carolina, and it seems like they're having a hell of a time corralling these Rhesus macaques because, after three days on the lam, only one has been recaptured.
And it sounds like, at this point, these monkeys might be trolling everybody.
According to the Associated Press, one of the 43 monkeys that escaped from the Alpha Genesis medical research facility near Columbia, South Carolina was safely recovered on Saturday after being on the run since an employee didn't properly lock the door while feeding and checking on them.
I don't want to be that guy, but even I know that rule No. 1 of lab monkey care is to make sure the door is locked, and I have zero lab monkey experience… but I have seen every Planet of the Apes several times, so that should count for something.
Still, rounding up a bunch of monkeys that are probably sick of being science fair projects is no easy task, even if most of them are still around hanging the Alpha Genesis.
42 of 43 Rhesus macaques that escaped from a South Carolina research facility are still on the loose. (Photo by Peter Zay/Anadolu via Getty Images)
A lot of the monkeys are reportedly still within a few yards of the fence, jumping back and forth over the fence and "cooing at the monkeys inside," something that is considered to be a good sign.
Well, it's certainly a better sign than them learning how to talk, ride horses, and handle firearms, because that's what happened in Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
The monkeys are reported to be about the size of house cats, with females tipping the scales at about 7 pounds. Fortunately, Alpha Genesis says that the monkeys are not a threat to public safety.
That's good to hear, but, on the off chance that they are, I, for one, welcome our new primate overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted digital media personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their banana fields.