Comparing NFL Playoff Teams To Republican Presidential Candidates
And just like, we're down to the last eight teams standing in this NFL season. It's sad, but we need to accept it. This is the final weekend until September where we get football on both Saturday and Sunday.
My God. What a miserable reality. Brutal. There is truly no worse time period each and every year than the four months between January and April. Things start to turn around in May because you can convince yourself that it's summer, and that means it's almost fall!
But until then it's a football-less world filled with meaningless NBA, college basketball and spring training that inexplicably lasts eight weeks.
Whew. What a rant! Where was I?
Oh yeah -- eight teams left in this NFL season. Over on the political side of things, there are only a handful of cats left in the fight after Iowa. Sadly, Asa Hutchinson dropped out just yesterday.
Also -- Asa Hutchinson was still in the race. Who knew?! Imagine my surprise when I got that alert.
Anyway, let's rank the remaining eight NFL teams based on their political equivalent. Sound like a plan?
My colleague Charly Arnolt had some fun with this too. Check it out:
As soon-to-be free agent Russell Wilson would say, let's ride:
Tier 1: The Donald Trump tier
I mean, it's gonna be Trump, right? Guy is just running over people right now, both in virtual polls and real ones out in Iowa. With how 2020 ended and how 2023 started, I didn't think Trump had a chance in hell of getting the nomination. I reckon that's on me, though. I should've known better.
I'll be honest, I thought he lost his fastball towards the end of 2020, but stuff like this shows me that he's on an unreal Joe Flacco-esque comeback tour right now:
I don't wanna be too mean to the guy but he's the worst president ever. Fair enough! Still plenty of drama left with Trump -- will he be president from a jail cell? Tune in next time! -- but that makes it all the more intriguing. He's an easy No. 1. here.
Call it recency bias -- and it probably is to an extent -- but I love the Lions right now. I also love their path to the NFC title game, because it involves beating a pretty average Buccaneers team at home. Philly stinks. Don't be too fooled by what you saw Monday out of Tampa.
I love Baker, but I don't think they have near the firepower to keep up in Detroit.
I said it last week and I'll say it again -- a Dan Campbell-led NFL team can absolutely go into San Francisco and win. Look out, kneecaps.
Ravens and 49ers have a couple scrappy NFL youngins coming there way this weekend. Both should be fine, but I'd be a little nervous.
Christen!
Tier 2: The Ron DeSantis tier
Everyone knows I'm a Florida guy, which means I'm also a Ron DeSantis guy. Did COVID even happen? Hell if we know!
Unfortunately, it seems like that's just not enough to win people over. I don't get it, personally, but it is what it is. DeSantis is the guy lurking in the background should the frontrunners fall, but things would have to line up perfectly for that to happen. He's probably a cycle too soon, but still young with a ton of potential.
If you think about it, he's sort of like the Dolphins -- which works out well because he's a Florida guy. He's great in warm weather, but when things get cold in Iowa and New Hampshire the offense just doesn't work as well.
Still a great athlete, though:
I only put the Bills in this tier and not the above one because their path is clearly harder than any of the above three teams.
Josh Allen is a monster right now, which gives them a shot. But having to beat Kansas City and then most likely Baltimore is a big ask for a team that can still be pretty inconsistent on both sides of the ball.
I'm sure Sean McDermott has a wild 9/11 speech in the holster for this game, though, so I assume they'll be ready.
Houston looked awesome last week, and CJ Stroud has looked awesome all season. What a find. Imagine how miserable Panthers fans are right now? Houston's the hot NFL team right now that nobody wants to play.
Like DeSantis, they won't be at home anymore the rest of the way, so they're probably in trouble -- but you never know.
Connor!
Tier 3: The Vivek Ramaswamy tier
I know he's not technically in the race anymore, but I don't care. Vivek is/was the Kansas City Chiefs. That's the tier.
Just constant talking. Non-stop. I swear, the past six months I haven't been able to go on social media without seeing some obscure Vivek Ramaswamy interview. I've never seen a full-court press quite like it.
At first you thought he was this different dude who was on to something, and then after flip-flopping for the 100th time during interview No. 607, you just couldn't take it anymore.
I'm still not sure which side he's on, although I'm pretty sure his lips are permanently tattooed on Trump's butt at this point if that tells you anything.
Our man went from being little-boyed by Trump not three days ago to this last night:
This is why I could never go into politics. Could you imagine going up on stage and saying that after getting absolutely curb-stomped the day before? Such a wild move. But hey -- someone has to be VP!
Look, I used to love the Chiefs. Seriously. I loved everything about Mahomes and Kelce back in the early days when they were still tearing apart the NFL establishment.
But this year has been brutal for them. Kelce is telling me to get vaccinated or get DirectTV every other commercial and when he's not, he's dropping a billion passes against the Dolphins. Mahomes, meanwhile, has reached peak levels of bitching after every single hit. Seriously, it's gross.
The defense is good and may get them past Buffalo, but that offense ain't keeping up with Baltimore. Hell, I don't think they could keep up with Houston should it go that way.
In other news ... what a moment:
Tier 4: The Nikki Haley tier
No idea if Nikki has a shot in hell at this thing, but feel like she's peaked at the right time. And that's all you can for in January of an election year/football season.
This was a DeSantis vs. Trump race from the jump, and then Vivek wouldn't shut up for a few months there and stole a bunch of headlines.
But I feel like Nikki Haley has been gaining ground since Thanksgiving for whatever reason, and she's at least made it halfway interesting as we head to New Hampshire.
She's also got momentum heading to the Live Free Or Die state, crushing DeSantis in the polls and putting a little heat on Trump. Again, no idea why because it's just not my lane, but that's what the political pundits tell me.
Feels a little too little, too late, 'flash in the pan' to me, but who knows. Maybe Nikki "Nimrada" Haley, as Trump called her last night, will make a run.
The Packers haven't lost since before Christmas and Jordan Love just put the rest of the NFL on notice on Sunday. What a showing. It's amazing how the Packers have just nailed the whole sit your rookie QB for 3-5 years behind the Hall of Famer then unleash him strategy. They're 2 for 2!
I don't think they'll beat San Francisco, but I also give them more of a shot than I would've given the Cowboys.
PS: they STINK! What a bunch of losers. Hire Belichick, you frauds.
Tier 5: The Asa Hutchinson tier
I said it at the jump and I'll say it again now -- did YOU know Asa was still in the race? I hadn't heard that name in months and then yesterday he decides it's time "drop out." OK.
Hell, I'm declaring right here that I am also suspending my presidential campaign. You heard it here first! Hard fought race, but I just don't think it's in the cards for me this year.
See you in 2028!
I love the Bucs -- believe me, Baker and Emily Mayfield are excellent for the content game -- but there's just no chance they reach the Super Bowl. I don't think they're getting close to beating Detroit this weekend and I'm certain they ain't beating the 49ers.
Now, should the Packers win, maybe it's a different story. Tampa dismantled Green Bay last month before Jordan Love remembered how to play football. But we all know that's not happening. And neither is this.
Good race, Asa. Hell of a season, Baker. Go get that bag and enjoy Emily while you're at it. Lord knows she's a keeper.