Monkey Belonging To Texas Special Teams Coach's Stripper Girlfriend Bites Child On Halloween

There are stories made for the Internet and then there's the story of a pet monkey belonging to a stripper, who goes by Pole Assassin, biting a kid on Halloween. Oh, and the Pole Assassin is dating Texas special teams coach Jeff Banks, who reportedly left his wife and kids to be with the Pole Assassin.

I know this one is bananas but hang with me here as we work our way through what's going to be the story of the year in college football.

According to a Texas football photographer, Jeff Banks' girlfriend, the Pole Assassin, has this pet monkey, Gia, who performs pole dancing routines with her. The monkey reportedly bit a kid and had to be pried off the child during a Halloween incident.

Here we go:

Danielle Banks - it's still unclear if they're married, not that it really matters -- posted over the weekend on a social media app inviting kids over to enjoy a haunted house and maze. There was no mention of a pet monkey and it appears the monkey wasn't supposed to be part of the festivities.

Monday night, Dani took to Twitter where she explained how the child got into an off-limits area. "I had a haunted house on one side gated off," she wrote, before the Pole Assassin explained that she had no idea the boy had been bitten until a neighborhood doctor told her about the bite.

"No parent have contacted me about it!" Dani wrote.

When asked if the monkey is vaccinated, she explained how the monkey is up-to-date on her shots and is an "emotional support animal who (is) not to be touched."

"No one is allowed to touch her!" Dani shot back.

Is your mind blown yet? Now let's get to the pet monkey having a role in the Pole Assassin's strip club shows. The monkey, according to Dani, gives high-fives on command and you can definitely see that from the content published on Gia's Instagram page.

Dani Banks isn't just some random stripper. She's appeared on the Jerry Springer Show back in 2017 where she swung from a pole, minus the (alleged) child-biting monkey.

“People lie so much it’s ridiculous !” Dani Banks added Monday night before deleting her account. “Stop believing everything u (sic) hear! And more of what u (sic) see! SMH!”

She responded to a question on Twitter about the allegation.

“No one was viciously attack this a lie, a whole lie! She was not apart of any haunted house, the kid did not have permission to be on the other side of my property!”

Update: Pole Assassin explains what it would've taken for a child to get all the way to where Gia was housed during the Halloween haunted house party.