NASCAR Wife Gets Busty On Vacation, Bubba Wallace Slaps Troll, Denny Hamlin Is The Big 'D' & Larson's Wild Offseason Crash
The Dallas Cowboys are the biggest frauds in the NFL, but they don't hold a candle to Denny Hamlin in the NASCAR world.
At least that's what the internet told me all day Sunday, and, frankly, I'm not sure who's truly the biggest choker. It's a tough call, and not a fun one to make because we don't like violence around here.
Just kidding! It's a wonderful call to have to make because nothing gets the juices flowing more on an otherwise dreary Monday in January than some Cowboys/Denny Hamlin slander. Two peas in a NASCAR-NFL pod.
Denny, by the way, got engaged last week! True story. We'll talk about all of it here in a bit.
Welcome to one of the final offseason Mondays of the year, which is weird to write on Jan. 15 but it's true. We're a month away from Daytona, a few short weeks away from the Clash out in disgusting California, and business -- as Darrell Waltrip used to say -- is about to pick up. Can't wait.
We'll get to loser Denny today. Along the way, I'd also like to check in on Samantha Busch, because our NASCAR WAG is officially in vacation mode and I think we're all in for a big few weeks. Buckle up.
We also had another NASCAR wedding over the weekend, Kyle Larson went for a ride in a midget (the car, don't cancel me!) and Bubba Wallace dunked on a hater over on Elon's Twitter.
He also showed off his whiskey collection, which I'd like to dive into. I know ya'll love you some Bubba, and I'm nothing if not a man of the people!
Four tires, enough fuel to get us to and from Sam's busty vacation and maybe some sun block for her just in case ... Monday Morning Pit-Stop -- the 'We're Almost To The Offseason Checkered Flag, Just Hang On A Little Longer' edition -- is LIVE!
Is Denny Hamlin the NASCAR version of the Dallas Cowboys?
Might as well start the week by calling out loser Denny Hamlin. It's only fair.
So, I noticed around halftime of yesterday's Cowboys meltdown that Denny was trending on Twitter, which was weird given it's January. My first thought was that he died, which was gonna be a real bummer for obvious reasons.
Good news: he is alive!
After checking his pulse, I did find the root of the trend, and it had to do with the below tweet. I'll post a handful of the responses as well, but just trust me when I tell you it's pretty much just Denny Hamlin:
Funny name on that last one. Respect.
Now, there were a few other names given, including Mark Martin, which is the obvious one. Mark and Denny have been compared for years now, because Hamlin is pretty much a modern day Mark Martin.
Hall of Fame driver, wins a bunch of races, always in the mix to win it all, never wins it all. Denny has 51 career NASCAR Cup Series wins with one runner-up finish in the standings and a ton of third and fourths.
Mark had 40 wins with about a dozen runner-up finishes (not quite, but he finished second a TON).
The difference for me is the fact that Denny Hamlin is universally hated at this point, much like the Cowboys. Mark Martin was never hated until he retired and yelled Build That Wall at a Trump rally back in 2016. The libs didn't love that. Shocking.
Martin also drove the Viagra car, which was funny in itself.
Bottom line: I'm with the internet on this one. Denny Hamlin is 100% the Dallas Cowboys of NASCAR.
What a loser!
Kyle Larson goes for a ride
Now, Kyle Larson is most certainly not the Cowboys of NASCAR. He's actually won a championship since the Bush Administration, and I ain't talking about H.W.
During the offseason, while many NASCAR drivers are vacationing with their hot wives or getting engaged or married, Larson just ... continues to race. Seriously. The guy doesn't stop racing. It's just constant with him.
And when you race midgets in the offseason, sometimes things go awry -- especially at the Chili Bowl.
Roll tape!
Bubba Wallace dunks on the NASCAR haters, which I'm sure everyone will take in stride
Rodeo Bar needs 3X as many bartenders.
You can pretty much apply that to any bar in Biden's America at this point. It's a bloodbath out there. I was at a bar yesterday -- during a NON NFL time -- and I think I got two drinks in the hour I was there. And I promise you it wasn't because I was just sipping on them.
I still somehow have a hungover headache this morning. I reckon that means I made up for it when I got home, but I don't remember.
Anyway, here's Bubba Wallace clapping back at the haters who say NASCAR only posts things about him because ... well, you know:
It was a big weekend for elite NASCAR WAG McCall Gaulding
Unfortunately for the Bubba haters -- and I hear you, I do -- he is right on this one. NASCAR does own IMSA. It has nothing to do with the Chili Bowl.
And I promise you the fellas in the big glass building across from Daytona are thrilled Bubba's running that Friday race before the Rolex 24 later this month.
Nobody goes to that race. Nobody pays attention to it. Hell, I'm usually pretty tanked at that point and it's an afternoon race! But when folks like Bubba and Hailie Deegan run it, people will have a reason to at least halfway pay attention.
Side note: decent whiskey collection. Knob Creek was one of the two drinks I got yesterday at the bar. Good choice. Four Roses is also a banger. Old Fitzgerald sounds like Bubba's version of Kentucky Gentleman, which is my go-to.
OK, let's hit Turn 3 and floor it to the finish line! First up? Congrats to former NASCAR fiancée McCall Gaulding, who made the transition (the good kind!) to NASCAR Wife over the weekend:
Samantha Busch takes us into the week
We've been on the McCall Gaulding train since the beginning, and now she's officially official. Big day for those two, and I'd imagine we have a big few weeks of content coming our way.
Remember, January is the last off-month until November. This is where the NASCAR wives leave it all out on the floor. No holding back anymore. Can't wait.
Exhibit A:
Last year it was Mexico, this year it's St. Barths. Let's just hope Kyle doesn't get detained for sneaking a gun across the border this time around. Looks like he's got enough of a pistol on his hands anyways, so he should be fine without it.
Can't wait to see how this week unfolds for the Busch Clan. Let's hope it goes better than Kyle's energy drink operation, which is apparently set to shut down in a few weeks.
Sad. I always liked Rowdy. Thanks, Biden.
Take us home, Larry Mac!