Denny Hamlin Has Road Rage, NASCAR 'Wrecking Ball,' Upset Michael Jordan, Bubba Wallace Escapes, Hooters Gianna PDA
You know it's been nearly two straight months without a break when everyone basically hates each other's guts -- and, would you look at that! Right on cue, we've hit the two-month mark on the NASCAR schedule.
What are the odds?!
Putting a short track right after the first road race of the season was a genius move by the fellas in the NASCAR Marketing Tower, and Richmond gave us in the #content business exactly what we were looking for.
Well, Richmond, Ross Chastain and Denny Hamlin, of course. Those two just can't stop wrecking people!
In Denny's case, well ... he's clearly just stopped caring. I don't use the term No F--ks Given lightly, but Denny Damn Hamlin really just doesn't give one anymore, and I'm HERE for it.
As for Ross the Boss, he earned himself a new nickname after Richmond! Congrats, Ross.
More on everyone in the NASCAR garage hating your existence in just a sec.
Elsewhere, Hooters Gianna is back to making out with Young Ryan Blaney on pit-road like the Content Queen she is, we had a NASCAR escape room visit, Jenna Petty -- Harrison Burton's girlfriend -- turned 21, and someone named Michael Jordan made a cameo this weekend.
How's that for a damn lineup on this first Monday of April? Yeah, thought so
Four tires, some fuel and an attitude adjustment for Don't Give A F--k Denny, Monday Morning Pit-Stop -- the 'Everyone Needs A Break From Each Other But It Ain't Coming For A While Longer' edition -- is LIVE.
Denny Hamlin has stopped trying. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)
Denny Hamlin is a different kind of NASCAR petty and I love it
Let's start with the driver who you most definitely do NOT want to see in your rearview mirror -- Denny Hamlin!
Oh, you think I'm exaggerating? Fine! Let's ask JJ Yeley, who found himself on Denny's wrong side for some reason and gave the FOX (great company!) viewers at home one hell of a view.
Hilarious. What are we doing here? Why in the world is Denny Hamlin headhunting JJ YELEY -- a driver who literally isn't on the same planet as Denny in the grand scheme of things. I don't understand?
And here's the best part ... Denny has been on the Kyle Busch train of preaching to us for weeks about a lack of respect in the garage. It's the sexy thing to talk about right now, I guess?
Anyway, JJ Yeley most certainly heard those comments last week and threw them right back in petty Denny's face like a 100 MPH heater to the dome.
"From a guy who’s been preaching respect for the last couple weeks seemed really silly on Lap 32 knowing it was going to be a short run," he said. "And, obviously, he had no worries or issues.”
As you'll see below, JJ seemed pretty tempted to punt Denny back into the sun during the caution, but the angel on his shoulder apparently talked him out of hit.
Not to worry, though. His day will come!
"I’m obviously upset," he continued. "We’re not out there playing chicken and mouse for me to go out there and destroy his racecar. I doubt that he apologized. I doubt that he really even cares. There’ll be a point where he may be in a different position and then obviously as a race car driver you never forget those things."
Ross Chastain is NASCAR's newest 'wrecking ball'
From Petty Denny to 'Wreckin Ross!
Another week, another controversial crash involving one Ross Chastain -- everyone's favorite driver!
This time it happened on a late restart, and pissed everyone off, including William Byron and Christopher Bell -- two of the tinier drivers in the garage.
And you KNOW if you've pissed them off, well ... you done screwed up!
Look, I love a good Blame Game as much as anyone -- it's what gives this column air to breathe.
That being said ... you're full of you-know-what, Chris. People love to pick on Ross Chastain, and it's warranted some of the time, but not this time. Sorry. That ain't Ross's fault, pal. Hell, I'm not even sure how in the world Bell could attempt to blame Chastain for that.
That's 100% on Christopher Bell, and Chrissy Bell alone. Ross didn't make you go up the track and send poor William Byron spinning into the wall. No, sir.
And, hey! Right on cue.
Michael Jordan finally shows up and his team stinks
Well, that's halfway right, Chris. You really should be apologizing to Ross Chastain, but whatever. I hope you both keep wrecking each other, personally.
Again, I'm in the pageviews business, not the politically correct one.
Speaking of pageviews ... welcome to the 2023 NASCAR season, Michael Jordan! Good to finally have you back.
.... sorry, your team -- and pit-crew -- STUNK at Richmond. Where's Scottie when you need him?
It must feel so awful letting down MJ. Imagine looking up there after that crap performance and just seeing Michael Jordan shaking his head in disgust.
If The Last Dance taught us anything, it's that it takes years to get out of Michael Jordan's doghouse, and that's if you're lucky enough to get out at all.
Bubba Wallace needs to escape
As if that pit stop wasn't bad enough, let's check in with Bubba Wallace's last three finishes ...
Atlanta: 27th
COTA: 23rd
Richmond: 22nd.
I'm sure MJ was THRILLED post-race yesterday! I know we joked about Bubba saying he needed to be fired last week, but, um, he may wanna cool it with that talk until he works his way back into the top-15.
And if it seems like Bubba needs to just get away from it all for a bit, he did sort of try over the weekend!
Bubba Wallace needs to get away.
What a crew! Ryan Blaney, Hooters Gianna, Bubba Wallace and his new wife all trying to make it out in under an hour.
Looks like they did a pretty god job, too. 7.4? Hell, I'll take that any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
C's get degrees is a motto I very much lived by throughout high school and college.
Ryan Blaney and Hooters Gianna are NASCAR's No. 1 couple
OK, two quickies before we head to the Bristol Dirt for some Easter night mayhem.
I think I'm ready to move Ryan Blaney and Gianna Tulio into the top spot of the NASCAR Power Couple Power Rankings. I know, it's a big move, but Samantha Busch hasn't given us much of anything as of late, while Gianna went cowgirl last week and then followed it up with a little Pit-Road PDA on Sunday.
Ryan Blaney and Gianna Tulio are NASCAR's top power couple.
I mean, how in the world could you have a bad race after that?! Seems impossible, right?
Well ...
Happy birthday, Jenna Petty!
What a wild ride! Love the effort from those guys, too. Can't be leaving the box with equipment still on the car -- that's a penalty and a lost lap. You have to give it your all to stay on the lead lap, and if that means diving head first into the concrete, so be it.
Finally, Harrison Burton's dancer girlfriend, Jenna Petty, turned 21 over the weekend and celebrated in style. McCall Gaulding -- another member of the NASCAR Power Couple club -- was there, too, which was fun.
Burton, meanwhile, finished 19th at Richmond and hasn't led a lap since Daytona.
Oh, well. He'll survive, I reckon.
To the Bristol Dirt we go!