Denny Hamlin Called A D*ck & Hack, Shirtless NASCAR Fight In The Pits, Blaney And Bubba Exchange Words, Victoria's Secret Driver Does Pre-Race Yoga

Christopher Bell and Kyle Larson are the first two in the NASCAR title race -- can you feel the excitement!?

Relax, I'm kidding (halfway, at least). I like both dudes and both are obviously two of the best in the sport. It's just such a ... blah? .. year for NASCAR. In my opinion, at least.

The fellas who move the needle in the garage -- your Chase Elliott, Joey Logano, Denny Hamlin and Kyle Busches of the world -- may not be a factor in two weeks in Phoenix.

Technically, only one -- Hamlin -- could run for a championship because the other four are long gone, and he was called a dick AND a hack by Angry Ryan Blaney yesterday at Miami!

Dick and hack! Sounds like a law firm or one of those injury lawyers who promises to put you first and get you the millions you're entitled to.

Looking at you, Morgan & Morgan. For the people!

We'll get to Ryan Blaney putting hypocrite Denny Hamlin on blast here in a bit.

Along the way, we'll check in on Kyle Larson absolutely destroying pit road barrels, multiple fights down in the minors, Danica Patrick throwing on a pair of cowboy boots and maybe even driver/Victoria's Secret model Toni Breidinger doing a little stretching.

I said maybe. We'll see how everyone acts today. I ain't in the mood for nonsense because I think the Dolphins just got called for other penalty by the totally fair and unbiased refs last night in Philly.

Four tires and some glasses for those refs AND Kyle Larson ... Monday Morning Pit-Stop -- the 'Dick & Hack' edition -- is LIVE!

Kyle Larson risks it all and it ... does not work

I'll go ahead and start with the 2021 NASCAR champ, because he throttled her down all the way yesterday and WENT FOR IT.

And, it did not work. At all. Not even close. Pretty funny, though.

Larson and leader Ryan Blaney -- angry Rhino! -- were both pitting midway through the race and Larson got a little cutesy and tried to gain ground on him coming to pit road.

It was a solid idea and would've been a gamechanger had those pesky pit road barrels not gotten in the way.

RIP, barrels:

Ryan Blaney calls Denny Hamlin a NASCAR hack and male body part

... well, what used to be one, at least! That kind of blanket statement gets you in trouble nowadays. Not at OutKick, but everywhere else.

So, yeah ... good day at the office for Ryan Blaney, who finished second to Bell and had a fast little race car all afternoon.

As the points stand today, Blaney is 10 to the good and holds the final championship spot. William Byron enters Martinsville 30 points up and will be in as long as he doesn't do something dumb this week.

Here's how they look:

I look at that and all I see is Denny Hamlin 17 points down as we head to arguably his best track. You know what that means? Our man is about to PUNT some people this coming Sunday. You wanna see some serious carnage, just follow the No. 11 Toyota around all day.

You think fans hate him now, just wait until he moves half the field on Sunday. It'll be electric.

Speaking of hating Denny Hamlin ...

Dale Earnhardt Jr. raised hell down in the NASCAR Xfinity Series

Hooters Gianna! What are you doing here?? What a nice surprise. Didn't even know you'd be dropping by today but obviously it's always welcome.

I'm gonna go ahead and predict Denny's fighting someone next week, and it could very well be Blaney. You just wait for those two to be up front with 100 laps to go, both needing a win. I'm telling you, it'll be anarchy.

Someone who knows a little something about that is Dale Earnhardt Jr. -- known around here as either Junior or Junebug. Take your pick.

Anyway, Junior decided to have some fun down in the Xfinity Series over the weekend and got back behind the wheel for the second time this season. Don't forget, his first time ended up with him being pulled from his car on pit road because the damn thing blew up.

This time went much smoother for (Raise Hell, Praise) Dale. He finished fifth, ran pretty much right around there all day, and even wrecked one of his cars!

That last one probably wasn't part of the plan, though.

We had Cup level ACTION down in the NASCAR minors

By the way, how good is Dale Jr.? He's been retired for like seven years now but still just messes around and runs two races a season and is always in contention. Like ridin' a bike.

He's also a must-follow on the hellscape app formerly known as Twitter. I mean, look at his most recent retweet:

My goodness this sport used to be great. Bring back Rockingham, you cowards!

Now, let's head on over to the Carolinas, where the CARS Tour raced over the weekend and the fellas couldn't stop beating the hell out of each other!

Bubba, Blaney & Danica -- oh my!

How about that guy just emerging shirtless at the end? Shocking, shocking stuff. Didn't see it coming. Hell, I didn't even see how he got there in the first place and then he just showed up.

Love grassroot NASCAR racing. Seriously, it's the best. If you have a local track around you, do yourself a favor and go on a Friday or Saturday night. I promise, promise, you won't be disappointed.

Let's knock a few out here so we can get to stretching Toni and be on our way.

First, let's chronicle the fake Bubba Wallace-Ryan Blaney Twitter fight from last week!

Good stuff, fellas! I wish it was real, but unfortunately I think what we had here was just two relatively tanked bros getting a little too trigger-happy on Twitter.

It's pretty much what happened to me during that disgusting one-sided game last night. Go ahead and take a look at my page if you wanna see what I mean. @TeamZachDean!

Giddy-up, Danica -- get us outta here!

NASCAR driver Toni Breidinger does a little yoga

You forget that Danica Patrick is just a random announcer for Sky Sports nowadays. Hilarious. Between that and her frisky trips to Europe and Burning Man, our girl has a PACKED calendar even after her racing career.

OK, that's pretty much it for today. Let's all go have a week and try to enjoy the hell out of some pumpkin patches before they're replaced by Christmas trees in 10 days.

Take us to Martinsville, Toni!