Death Threats Fly During Bloody NASCAR Fight, Mom Accuses Driver Of Assault, Blaney Wins, Crew Member Crushed & MJ Consoles Bubba Wallace
We had ourselves some good NASCAR racing yesterday from the Cup fellas. Lead-changes out the whazoo, big wreck at the end, close finish. It was typical Talladega.
But, with all due respect to the big boys ... DID YOU SEE THE FIGHT?!
Holy cow. I'm still shook. Just unbelievable anger from a guy I didn't know existed until two days ago, and now I can't get his face out of my brain.
In case you were like every other person and missed it Saturday because you were watching college football, we had ourselves an absolute BATTLE after the NASCAR Truck Series race between Matt Crafton and Nick Sanchez.
We'll get to it in a minute, but it left people beaten, battered, bloodied and perhaps calling their lawyers and getting a restraining order. You'll see.
Back to yesterday ...
Big win for Ryan Blaney, who is pretty much nails when it comes to close finishes at Talladega. Seriously, the guy always seems to win them. It's amazing. We'll celebrate accordingly -- which obviously means we'll celebrate with Hooters Gianna!
Michael Jordan made a cameo yesterday and hugged Bubba Wallace after a 24th-place finish. Guess we'll check in on that, too.
Oh yeah! We also had some serious Talladega Nights vibes all damn weekend, including a Cal Naughton Jr. intro from one driver.
OK, that's enough stalling. Let's put our heads down, hard hats on, and get to work. It's a Monday and I intend to start this first week of October with a BANG.
Four tires, some fuel and maybe a psych evaluation for Nick Sanchez ... Monday Morning Pit-Stop -- the 'Holy Crap That Guy May Actually Murder Him' edition -- is LIVE!
NASCAR driver Nick Sanchez scares the bejesus out of me
Seriously, he does. He truly, truly does.
Again, I didn't even know Nick Sanchez existed until 48 hours ago. But buddy, he does, and he's a problem.
It's always the skinny white guys who do the most damage in any horror movie. Not trying to make this a racial discussion, just being honest.
Look at pretty much all the killers in Scream. Look at the early Friday the 13th movies -- not the ones where Jason is 500 pounds and inexplicably an astronaut, but the OG ones.
They're the guys you need to be most concerned about, and I think Matt Crafton found that out Saturday:
PR girl risks it all
See what I mean!? Even the internet compared Sanchez to Ghostface. Told you. It's always the skinny white dudes. Always, always, always.
What anger. What pure, terrifying anger.
I'm gonna f--king kill you at Homestead! You f--ked with the wrong guy, motherf--ker!
I've never heard that come from a NASCAR driver's mouth, at least not publicly. Did Nick Sanchez just threaten to murder Matt Crafton at Homestead?
Gee, I don't know ... let's ask him, and then maybe ask his PR girl!
"We're not answering that."
Holy crap. That's Lawyer 101 stuff right there. You plead the fifth until you run out of fifths to plead. That's how you stay outta the clink, as Michael Scott would say.
What a psychopath.
But wait ... THERE'S MORE!
Ms. Voorhees, you have the floor.
Let's put a bow on this beautiful NASCAR fight
Could you imagine the clicks I'd get on this post if I had video of 47-year-old Matt Crafton hiding behind a stack of tires and then jumping out in front of Nick Sanchez and punching him in the face?
I think I'd break the internet. If someone has that video, please -- I'm begging you -- send it my way.
Anyway, here's Matt Crafton's take. Crafton, by the way, has been driving in the NASCAR Truck Series for TWENTY-FOUR years. 24!
So, obviously someone's lying. Nick's mom says sneaky Matt here leapt out from the tires and clocked her kid. Sneaky Matt says psycho Nick threatened him first, which led to him getting his bell rung.
After watching video of the wreck, I'm not sure it warranted that sort of anger from Matt Crafton. Dude, it's Talladega. He didn't headhunt you. He was sort of in line and just didn't let you back in. Not really sure there's much else to do in that situation.
So ... I'm #TeamNick! Put it on the board. Send it in.
Am I just trying to not die? Sure. But whatever. I'm a big believer in the whole "be really nice to the weird neighbor across the street" theory.
Ryan Blaney refuses to lose a close race at Talladega
Dalton from Double Deuce is a great call, but I think the real answer is obvious ...
That, my friends, is Buddy Garrity from Friday Night Lights. Easy and I mean easy comparison. Loved Buddy Garrity. Really loved Lyla Garrity, AKA Minka Kelly. What a babe.
Yep. 100%.
OK, let's get to the Cup boys. Ryan Blaney has unreal luck at Talladega. I've never seen anything like it. Every single time there's a close finish at that place, Rhino almost always comes out the winner.
And while I was excited he won yesterday -- mainly because we got fresh Hooters Gianna content -- I was also bummed because I wanted Kevin Harvick to win.
Guy hasn't won in a year and he's got like five races left before he hangs 'em up. Feel like that would've been a cool story.
Now, Harvick's car got tossed post-race and disqualified, so it wouldn't have counted anyways, but still. Whatever. Semantics, really.
Great finish, though:
Bubba Wallace gets a hug and Talladega Nights comes to NASCAR
See what I mean? Ryan Blaney LOVES a close finish at Talladega. Hell, yesterday's finish was nothing for him compared to the other two. He probably thought he was coasting her across the stripe. Not a care in the world.
OK, couple quickies on our way to the ROVAL.
First, we can't have an episode of Monday Morning Pit-Stop without Bubba Wallace. I think it's in my contract at this point.
Bubba didn't do much yesterday, which was shocking, frankly. I'm pretty sure it's in his contract to finish first or second at Talladega every single time we go there.
But he finished ... 24th? Odd.
Nobody has the undershirt under the collard shirt market covered quite like Michael Jordan. Guy has been rocking that look for decades now. Everybody pretty much dropped it in the late-90s/early-2000s, but not MJ. Good for him.
Bubba, by the way, heads to Charlotte nine points behind the cutline, tied with Ross the Boss Chastain. Tyler Reddick sits just two points back while KYLE BUSCH is somehow 26 points off the pace.
I think Rowdy's in trouble, folks.
Just like this pit crew guy who would 100% beat Nick Sanchez in a fight:
Legend. Took it like a man and got right back up. Love this dude. Didn't flinch even a bit. Dale Sr. would've hired this cat on the spot.
Finally, here's Chase Briscoe absolutely crushing the Cal Naughton Jr. impression before the race:
Take us to the ROVAL, Hooters Gianna
Good stuff, Chase.
Great movie, by the way. Usually, I find those two together pretty insufferable. But Talladega Nights was easily their best and it still holds up very well today.
Holmes and Watson, meanwhile, may be the single-worst movie I've ever seen. Ever.
OK, that's all I got in the tank. Head on a swivel, Matt Crafton.
Take us home, Gianna: