Chase Elliott Screwed By NASCAR, Byron's Girlfriend, Vegas Party, Bubba Wallace 'D-k Measuring Contest'
If you thought the NFL's script was bad, wait till you see the NASCAR one! At least that's what poor Chase Elliott (probably) thought as he was breaking his leg into a million pieces while tumbling down a Colorado mountain.
Yeah ... didn't think we'd start there today, but that's why you have to keep your head on a swivel in this sport.
We'll get to NASCAR denying Chase's request in just a bit.
Along the way we'll check in with William Byron - who won Sunday at Las Vegas - and his girlfriend, Erin Blaney, scout out a wild NASCAR party in Sin City, defend Danica Patrick and break out the ruler with fan-favorite Bubba Wallace!
And yes, I know ... I'm gonna have to tow the line on that one. Believe me, I know.
Two tires - because that's all Willy B needed to win Sunday - a splash of Sunoco racing fuel and an air-cast for NASCAR's Most Popular Driver ...
Monday Morning Pit-Stop - the 'We'll Be Coming Around The Mountain When They Come!' edition - is ready to roll!
Chase Elliott got the shaft from NASCAR. (Photo by Sean Gardner/Getty Images)
Chase Elliott denied NASCAR script change
In case you were out partying with other NASCAR WAGs in Vegas Saturday and missed it (yes, more in a bit, obviously), Chase Elliott fractured his leg snowboarding in Colorado.
The 27-year-old underwent a three-hour surgery to fix that bad boy, was released from the hospital Saturday, and will miss several weeks.
Dale Earnhardt would've had his ass in the car Sunday, but whatever.
Anyway, Clyde fired off a tweet just before the Vegas green flag, and I'll give him credit - it was a good one!
Chase Elliott out of nowhere! My guy!
Look, Chase gets a lot of flak for being a little too reserved, having no personality, blah blah blah. But that's funny. So you haters can suck it.
PS: WILD plot twist in NASCAR's 2023 script to have your Most Popular Driver sidelined for weeks. Sponsors must've been thrilled with that one.
Kyle Busch lends a hand (foot) to Chase Elliott
Sticking with Chase here for another minute, I assume we all wanna know where I stand on the whole situation because why else would you be reading this (although, if it's for Byron's GF, I get it).
As far as I'm concerned, athletes can do what they want on their own time and I ain't gonna sit here and be pissed at 27-year-old Chase Elliott for snowboarding in Colorado on his off-day.
Now, I'm sure the folks over at NAPA and Hooters ain't thrilled with having Josh Berry driving their very expensive car around for at least a month, and I'm sure they'll voice that displeasure to Chase this week.
Speaking of his timeline ... Kyle Busch, who basically smashed his entire leg back in 2015 and missed 10 weeks, said Elliott's gonna be out at least a month.
Great for ratings!
William Byron wins on and off the NASCAR track
Now, let's get to Sunday's action in Vegas!
William Byron had the best car all day, benefitted from a late caution, took the lead on pit-road and never looked back to score his fourth career Cup win.
All in all, a pretty OK race ... right? The Hendrick fellas ran laps around the field most of the afternoon, but at least we got a late caution (another great script choice by NASCAR!) to give us an exciting finish.
OK, fine. Let's check in with Byron's girlfriend, Erin Blaney, who we also correctly identified as Ryan Blaney's sister earlier this year.
Love these two. Underrated power couple in the NASCAR garage.
PS: How about this Victory Lane hate for William Byron? Unreal.
What a victory lane hat for William Byron! (Photo by Meg Oliphant/Getty Images)
NASCAR birthday party in Las Vegas
From one power couple to another!
Happy birthday, Riley Herbst. No, he ain't a household name in the NASCAR world, but the Xfinity Series driver did turn 24 last week and good buddy Zane Smith - and fiancée McCall Gaulding - took him out for a night on the town!
Can't imagine why Riley would want to wait until getting to Las Vegas to celebrate his birthday. Weird.
But hey, to each his own.
NASCAR stars party in Las Vegas.
NASCAR power couple Zane Smith and McCall Gaulding.
Bubba Wallace measures NASCAR success
Let's grab a ruler with Bubba Wallace on our way out!
It was a rough first few weeks for Bubba, but he turned it around in a big way at Vegas, slicing and dicing his way to a fourth-place finish. It was his first top-5 since winning at Kansas last September, and first time finishing in the top-19 all season.
People don't usually leave Las Vegas and say, 'Finally, I'm on the right track!' but Bubba's a different bird.
Anyway, it didn't come without a few dicey moments. And by dicey, I mean your classic "dick measuring contest" that was completely unnecessary.
"I shouldn't say 'mad at me,' he was discussing whether I should've let him go mid-race whenever we were side-by-side for a couple laps" sure sounds like the comments of someone who lost said dick measuring contest.
And I'll be perfectly honest with you, I'm guessing Bubba was a heavy favorite in that one.
Moving on.
Remember when Danica Patrick was an SI model? That was cool.
Anti-vax Danica Patrick in the NASCAR booth
On our way out, let's check in with another fan-favorite ... Danica Patrick!
Danica graced our living rooms for hours and hours Sunday as she was next in line to join Mike Joy and Clint Bowyer in the FOX (great company!) booth.
Of course, Danica was also fending off the dummies at the CDC earlier in the week after attending JP Sears' comedy show.
Hilarious. Love how social media is SO triggered by anyone who dares not fall in the COVID Jab line. Danica Patrick has annoyed me pretty good over the years, but that right there makes me do a complete 180 on her. Big fan, now.
Anyway, she was in the booth Sunday and NASCAR Twitter either loved her or DESPISED her every single breath. Honestly, I thought she was decent, and she was lightyears better than Tony Stewart.
Smoke was great on the track - and he's allegedly great at a bar - but please keep him away from a microphone. Yikes.
Anyway, here's some Danica Patrick appreciation on the way out.
Off to Phoenix.