Bubba Wallace Fumes In NASCAR Clash, Drunk Clint Bowyer, Scary Fire, Blaney Wants To Fight & Logano Has New Hair
Is NASCAR back, you ask?
Well, Bubba Wallace sulked in his car while angry-sipping a water, cars randomly caught on fire for no reason at all, Ryan Blaney already started jotting down names for his sh*t list, and we had intentional wrecking ... during practice!
So, yeah. NASCAR is back, baby!
The Busch Light Clash (amazing) from LA (the opposite of amazing) took over Big FOX on our first Sunday without the NFL since September, and stole the show.
Depending on who you ask, of course.
Martin Truex Jr. - the newly single MTJ, by the way - won the whole damn thing, so he loved it!
"When you're up front and you're just kind of banging and beating and guys are sliding into the corner making mistakes and all that, that's fun," he said before demanding a cold Busch Light on his way to Victory Lane.
Bubba Wallace, meanwhile, did NOT have fun. More on him in a minute, though.
Elsewhere, we'll talk Clint Bowyer getting tanked with Gwen Stefani, and, of course, Joey Logano's new hair!
Four tires and enough fuel to get us from locked down California to free Florida in time for the Daytona 500, Monday Morning Pit-Stop - the 'Crashing, Clashing & Smashing (beers)' edition - is a GO!
Bubba Wallace loses World War 3 to Austin Dillon
OK, I'm sorry Bubba. Really, I am. I know OutKick fans don't exactly love you, but I really don't mind you!
That being said, I have to call this thing fair, and seeing you fume inside your car after being punted during an exhibition race with literally nothing on the line was objectively hilarious.
Sorry, but this was gold.
Bubba Wallace needed a minute after Austin Dillon punted him during the NASCAR Clash.
I mean, what are we doing here? I know Bubba lost, and I know Austin Dillon moved him out of the way, but let's be honest ... everybody and I mean EVERYBODY got moved out of the way Sunday night. There were like 16 cautions!
I know, it was weird that putting 30 cars on a quarter-mile track with literally no elbow room and only one passing lane led to people getting wrecked.
"The 3 just never tried to make a corner, he was just always turning into my left-rear" Wallace said of Austin Dillon. "Ya'll are looking for something, but I ain't gonna give you nothing."
Oh, on the contrary, Bubba Wallace! We're only one fake race into this 2023 NASCAR season and you're already a #contentmachine.
And, you're apparently ready for battle!
Ryan Blaney has a rough night at the Clash
Speaking of World Wars, poor Ryan Blaney and his No. 12 Ford looked like they just got back from fighting the Nazis after Sunday's 150-lap shootout.
Blaney was spun by I think just about everyone in the field, and, at one point, our man had ENOUGH.
He wanted names, and he wanted them NOW.
What a twist! Blaney is out here head-hunting for either Ross Chastain or Tyler Reddick only to find out he's actually looking for Michael McDowell!
And, um, it's a pretty unfortunate turn of events, too. Ross Chastain and Tiny Ty teaming up for a game of chicken fight in the pool wouldn't even reach Michael McDowell's eye-level.
I'm thinking Blaney may wanna just sit that one out.
Ty Gibbs catches on fire out of nowhere
Remember last season when drivers like Kevin Harvick and Brad Keselowski randomly caught fire during a race for absolutely no reason at all?
And how NASCAR was gonna fix it and make sure drivers being engulfed in flames was NOT part of the 2023 script?
Well, I reckon they don't call it an exhibition race for nothin'!
Not great!
Hey, Ty - welcome to the Cup Series. For your first real start, we're gonna light you up like a Christmas tree and see how fast those little legs can move. Good luck!
Kyle Busch gives us an all-time NASCAR podium shot
OK, couple more before we get on out of here ...
First, how about the night for new RCR teammates Austin Dillon and Kyle Busch? They were up front all race long, had a chance to win at the end, were plenty fast and worked well together.
Not a bad start for what will probably be an interesting team to watch this season.
Anyway, I thought Austin Dillon's wild new mustache was going to be the talk of this column, but he somehow got unseated by Busch, who gave us quite possibly the greatest podium picture of all time.
Kyle Busch, Martin Truex Jr. and Austin Dillon gave us an iconic LA Coliseum photo.
Amazing. Iconic photo. Frankly, it may be the best photo ever taken in the LA Coliseum, and that's saying something.
Rowdy doesn't want to be there and thinks it's dumb to have a podium for a NASCAR race, Austin Dillon's aforementioned mustache is incredible, and Martin Truex Jr. is just having a great time because he just kicked everyone's ass and won.
Chef's kiss.
Let's talk about Joey Logano and his new hair
I saw this earlier last week and did a double-take, as I'm sure everyone else did.
Not only did Joey Logano win his second NASCAR championship a few months ago, but he apparently used his newfound wealth to invest in some serious new moss up top.
Whoa! Joey Logano is BACK out of absolutely nowhere! Apparently, our defending champ has been dealing with alopecia for years now, and decided to partner with HairClub during the offseason and do something about it.
Savvy veteran move, too. Two birds, one stone here from Joey - he gets his hair back AND gets a new sponsor at the same time. Incredible.
Anyway, Logano said that other drivers have already reached out to him about the new look and how they can get in on it, and Joey also said he doesn't care what the haters think because his wife likes it and that's all that matters.
Happy wife, happy life! Suck it, haters.
Joey Logano before and after!
Clint Bowyer was 'wasted' when he met Gwen Stefani
From one great head of hair to another!
Thank GOD we get Mike Joy and Clint Bowyer back this year. Look, I know I'm gonna sound biased because they're FOX and so are we, but give me that booth over the NBC one (except Dale Jr.) any day of the week.
Tony Stewart was pretty good over the weekend, too. Hell, anyone is better than Jeff Gordon. Sorry, Jeff. Big fan, but you in the booth wasn't for me.
Anyway, Clint Bowyer takes some heat for getting too excited in the booth - which is insane to me - but I love him. He's a man's man, so much so that he was apparently tanked when he met Gwen Stefani for the first time.
The part I'm talking starts are 55 seconds, but this whole clip is pretty damn funny. So, just watch it all and deal with it. It's two minutes of your life.
PS: Gwen Stefani wants to get with Bowyer, doesn't she? Goodness gracious, Gwen! Have some class, you're on the air!
That would be an ELECTRIC pairing, by the way. Won't happen. But I'd be here for it.
OK, that's it for me today. Welcome back, NASCAR (at least for one week, because the fellas are off again next Sunday before heading to Daytona).
Let's have one hell of a season!
Larry Mac, take us home.