Blaney Bags Hooters Gianna, NASCAR Star Unbothered By OF Content, Dale Earnhardt DUI, Denny Hamlin Is A Piece Of Sh*t
Welcome to the third week of December, also known in the NASCAR garage as the annual put a ring on it week.
It could be an an engagement ring, wedding ring, promise ring (they still exist?) -- doesn't matter. But it's ring week in NASCAR and, right on cue, the sport's most recent champion finally listened to me and put one on a Hooters Hall of Famer.
What a year for Ryan damn Blaney!
In the least surprising twist since the Titanic did, indeed, hit the iceberg in James Cameron's 1997 film, Blaney and Gianna Tulio hit the mountains last week and got engaged.
It was a scene straight out of a Hallmark movie. Personally, I preferred Gianna's trip to the lodge's hot tub, but I'm not sure Hallmark would show that one.
We will, though! Don't you worry.
Blaney and Gianna ain't the only one getting ready to tie the knot. Future NASCAR OnlyFans star Natalie Decker is just three weeks away from her big day and she's celebrating accordingly, while Hailie Deegan -- the most popular driver in the sport not named Chase Elliott -- has a heavier hand this offseason.
It's not just a ring that's weighing it down, though ... in true American fashion, it's also guns. What a girl.
Let's see -- anything else happen last week that we should discuss? Oh yeah! Noah Gragson got a job with a better Cup team after the wokes tried to cancel him for liking a George Floyd meme. That was fun to watch unfold.
We may also talk some Dale Earnhardt drunk driving, if we have time. You never know!
Four tires, a towel for Sauna Gianna and maybe an actual license for Dale ... Monday Morning Pit-Stop -- the 'It's NASCAR Ring Season' edition -- is LIVE!
Hooters Gianna Tulio says yes to Ryan Blaney, who is having himself a year
Have to start with the big news from the weekend, right?
I know Screencaps wrote about it yesterday, but MMPS has been banging the table for this engagement for over a year now, so we're gonna celebrate it accordingly.
It's about time, Rhino!
I mean, it just doesn't get better than Ryan Blaney's last six weeks. He wins his first NASCAR Cup Series title to start November, and then locks up a Hooters Hall of Famer -- that's actually true, it's not just a nickname -- for life.
You knew it was coming, but boy, did he cut it close. Feel like this should've been a done deal months ago, but the NASCAR season is a grind, so I get it.
Also, did Blaney call his shot with Gianna ... a decade ago?
NASCAR ring season is just getting started
Ryan Blaney ain't the first guy in the world to ever say he'd marry his Hooters waitress, but I'd bet he's one of the very few who actually followed through on it.
What a day.
Of course, NASCAR ring season doesn't just stop with Rhino and Gianna. We've got plenty of other big days ahead, starting with Natalie Decker's wedding in less than three weeks.
The part-time Xfinity Series driver -- who has been teasing an OnlyFans account for months now -- has been ramping up the content on Instagram ahead of the big day, which we around here very much appreciate during this otherwise slow time of year.
Hey, Melvin -- shut up. How about that? Nat's unbothered by your crying, but we in the #content game are just annoyed by it. Don't like it? Leave. The door's right there, pal.
I read a story last week about OnlyFans content creators on in LA who went from basically living under a bridge to living in $5,000-a-month houses.
I'd start an OnlyFans, too, if anyone and I mean anyone wanted to see that. Get in line or get left behind. That's Natalie's thought-process right now and it's spot on.
Finally, before we move on from ring season -- for now -- let's not forget about Hailie Deegan, either. She's been wearing a brand new engagement ring for a few weeks now, and celebrated it recently by doing the most badass, American thing I can think of ...
Dale Earnhardt was such a badass
Goodness gracious, racing cars and shooting guns to defend America -- that's how you work your way straight into a man's heart. God bless Hailie Deegan. Now, if she could just win a race or two -- literally, just one would be cool -- she may really be on her way.
Now, let's get to the Dale Earnhardt was and is the greatest NASCAR driver of all time portion of today's show.
This little story comes courtesy of Dale Jr.'s podcast -- which is awesome, by the way -- and is pretty much just a few minutes of Junior and Tony Furr reminiscing about how much of a loose cannon Dale Sr. used to be.
Denny Hamlin struggles with the lefty wipe, and I get it
“Dale Earnhardt ran around without a driver’s license… probably had a couple of DUI’s, whatever, Tony wasn’t sure.
But he’d lost his license, and I knew by listening to Tony Sr., and my Uncle Robert G that dad was wide ass open on the highways, you know. Speeding, breaking laws, doing whatever. So it’s no surprise to me, I guess, that he ran afoul and got himself in a little bit of trouble and lost his license."
I could listen to old Dale Earnhardt stories all day, especially if Junior's the one telling them. Also, there's a From DUI to DEI joke in there somewhere, but I won't make it.
DEI, for you NASCAR novices, was Dale Earnhardt Incorporated back in the day. God what a great era that was for our sport.
Speaking of hearing stories with Junior -- how about his latest in-depth conversation with Denny Hamlin?
The NASCAR cancel culture crowd will love this Noah Gragson story
Honestly, Denny is 100% right. I've had three -- THREE! -- shoulder surgeries in my life, and two came on my right one.
I played baseball for nearly two decades, so I figured wiping lefty would be no sweat since I caught lefty my whole life.
Could not have been more wrong. I SUCK at using my left hand for anything other than catching a baseball. Can't eat lefty, wipe lefty, write lefty or even hold my kid in my left arm. It's the worst. I feel like such a loser, but at least the biggest, most-hated villain in NASCAR has my back. Nice!
Finally, on the way out, let's all welcome Noah Gragson back to the Cup garage after being fired back in August because some woke sports writer decided it was time to cancel him because he discovered that he -- GASP -- liked a George Floyd meme.
I wrote about that Thursday when it happened, and basically said that it was a huge win for the non-cancel culture crowd.
Was Gragson a dummy for liking something like that in today's age of social media, especially when he works for an entity like NASCAR? Sure. Big idiot.
But fireable offense? Only in 2023, of course. Clearly, it didn't rattle Tony Stewart, which is the least surprising thing maybe ever. Smoke doesn't care. Never has, never will.
Glad Noah's back. On to Daytona, as Bill Belichick would say.
Here's Harrison Burton's girlfriend, Jenna Petty, graduating from dance school on the way out. And Larry Mac, of course.
Vroom vroom.