World's Sexiest Volleyballer Rides A Wave, Brittany Mahomes Goes Cowgirl & You Won't Believe This Subway Deal
It's Hump Day, and that means we're about to have some fun around here.
No clue what that means – make of it what you wish – but I hit a couple nice MLB bets last night and I'm feeling riled up this afternoon, so let's get the hell after it before another team goes inside for the anthem and forces some serious talk on us.
We're not serious around here. I leave that to the more qualified folks here at OutKick. In this class, we go surfing with ex-Marshall volleyballer Kayla Simmons and slug down cheap whiskey on an early-April afternoon.
On that note, welcome to a Wednesday Nightcaps – the one where we check in with Kayla Simmons post-surgery and catch a wave or two.
Sound good? Good!
What else? We're gonna take a trip out to Oakland to catch an A's game along with the 12 other folks in the stands, take stock of how far Subway has fallen (thanks, Joe!), ride out a spring storm with a Kentucky student and maybe end the day with Brittany Mahomes.
We'll see. (Just kidding – we will!)
Grab a 6-inch sweet onion chicken teriyaki – and then throw it out and go to Firehouse – and settle in for a hump day 'Cap!
The $5 footlong days at Subway are over
We'll go ahead and start with Subway, because this little bit of news was jarring to me earlier today.
Remember the infamous $5 footlong days? Of course you do, mainly because the commercial is still burned into your brains all these years later.
Terrible subs, but GREAT jingles:
How's that for a dose of nostalgia on an otherwise slow Wednesday afternoon in April? That song was stuffed down our gullet more than any actual Subway sub back in the day, and it's still a banger today.
But, apparently, it's gone. If you ever wanna know just how far down the shitter our current economy is, just look at THIS:
Working for the Oakland A's this year seems like a blast
I mean, what are we doing here? Seriously. When you roll your eyes at people like me who say "we used to be such a great country," this is what we're talking about. Right here.
The $5 footlong deal at Subway was electric. Frankly, it was the only reason to go there. I've rolled this out before, but it's been a while, so here's a quick Mount Rushmore reminder for those who need it:
- Firehouse
- Pub Sub
- Quiznos
- WaWa
There. That's the list of top sub joints in this country. That's it, and it's final, so don't bother arguing.
Anyway, we've gone from $5 for 12 inches to $6 for 6 inches. Nice work, voters. Remember this in November, please.
Speaking of angry Americans, let's now check in on how things are going with the 1-5 lameduck Oakland A's!
World's Sexiest Volleyballer Kayla Simmons is recovering nicely
What a memo! So sad. And how about the attendance figure at the bottom? 3,500! It's just pathetic what's happened to the Oakland A's.
I know it's low-hanging fruit at this point, but the crowd shots in Oakland this year will be a story all season long. I think we're gonna get to a point, at some point this summer, where we see less than 500 folks go to a game. Hell, that may be too high.
Could we get under 100? No chance, right? Poor C Gate ain't gonna see the light of day for the rest of the year. There's just no shot.
And who the hell is Drew? Someone get Drew on the horn STAT, because I have a ton of questions.
No. 1: how the hell am I, someone who works for the OAKLAND A'S, supposed to steer people away from anything with the world Oakland on it? Riddle me that, Drew.
It's gonna be such a long, miserable season in Oakland. Chin up, A's fans. You deserve better.
Here's ex-Marshall volleyballer Kayla Simmons – the World's Sexiest Volleyballer – fresh off a broken leg to help you all get through it:
Kentucky commute, Diggs memes & is this a fart?
For those who don't know – and how could you not? – Kayla's been battling some health issues over the past few months with a pesky little broken knee. Or something like that. I don't know for sure, but some Big J digging led me to that conclusion, so we're rolling with it.
Good to see her getting back on the horse, though. Can't keep your title of World's Sexiest Volleyballer if you're not pumping out content, and Kayla appears to be well aware. Good sign of things to come.
Now, let's rapid-fire this bad boy into a hump day night!
First up? We've got some WILD weather across the US of A right now, with tornadoes and hail and severe weather bending us all over for a nice little spanking.
I'm in the line of fire this afternoon, by the way, with tornado watches in effect all over my big, beautiful, free state of Florida.
This is why I don't mess around with Mother Nature:
My God. Absolute beatdown from MN right there on some poor UK fella. He never stood a chance. Cannot think of an easier excuse to skip class, by the way.
The SECOND I felt a snowflake hit me when I was in Boston (the weather, not the liberals) I had an email teed up and ready to fire off to my professor that I "wasn't gonna be able to make it in today."
Rookie move right there. He'll learn.
Next? Stefon Diggs got shipped out of Buffalo for a ham sandwich this morning and the internet responded perfectly:
Is the Bills' window closed? Of course not. Come on.
Now, am I a Dolphins fan with PTSD? Of course. But you can only be dismantled by Josh Allen so many times before you just sort of accept it.
The Bills were sort of a train wreck last season, and Diggs wasn't really even that good. Hell, he dropped a pass in the playoff game against the Chiefs that probably cost them a shot at the Super Bowl.
Is this really that big of a loss? Go ahead and look up his stats the last 10 or so games last season.
I assume they'll BS their way to a top receiver in the draft and somehow go 12-5 next year and beat the Dolphins in some sort of gut-wrenching fashion in December. Sad.
Finally … two work-related items on the way out.
First? This is going viral today and is one of my biggest fears in this new post-COVID era of work we're currently in:
If I knew how to get my phone to screen-record like that, I'd be in a world of trouble, because my notifications screen is the Wild Wild West.
Between old college Snapchat groups and text threads, I have no idea what I'm gonna get at any point throughout the day. Head on swivel.
Speaking of …
Take us into hump night, Brittany Mahomes
I mean, it's 100000% a fart. I've never heard windshield wipers sound like that. No chance.
Grip it and rip it, Danny boy!
Now, let's go into a big night of baseball betting with clear eyes and full hearts (can't lose).
See you tomorrow.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Can you bounce back from a broken leg like Kayla Simmons? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.