'World's Sexiest Volleyballer' Has A Pool Day, Bill Belichick Walk Of Shame & Gordon Ramsay Nearly Dies
I know the entire northeast is in an absolute panic over this … heat wave … but I'll be honest with you – I'm just not seeing it.
Granted, I'm on Nantucket. Can't hide it. (it being money. I don't have it, of course. I'm poor. But, here I am.) What does that mean? It's a solid 15-20 degrees cooler over here, mainly because we're in the middle of the Atlantic. That helps.
But, all I've heard since I entered the northeast sometime yesterday morning is how hot it is. How everyone is panicking over this heat wave. How the world is ending.
They're setting up splash zones in Boston. Splash zones!
It's 95 degrees. You know what I did once I got to Massachusetts yesterday? Threw on a hoodie. It was roughly a billion degrees in Florida and Georgia when I left that part of the country over the weekend. I've been sweating my nuts off since like April.
Now, I know this is how y'all feel about us when it dips into the 40s for those three days a year in January. We panic, too. So, I get it. But it goes both ways.
If you get to mock us when it gets cold, we get to mock you when you set up cooling zones in your city. Those are the rules.
Does give me the chance to unlock a core memory, though:
Don't you dare try to tell me you've never seen that commercial. If you had a TV in the 90s, you've seen that commercial. A billion times. Sometimes in the same day. The best.
I'll call now.
On that very long note, welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – where we hit the pool with the World's Sexiest Volleyballer, Kayla Simmons, in an attempt to battle this … heat wave.
What else? I've got Bill Belichick dominating at 72, reader mail, a couple cyclists getting sent to the moon by a Texas SUV, and Bally Sports MLB reporter Jess Blaylock getting SOAKED in Miami.
Sound like a plan? I hope so, because I'm writing it regardless.
Grab a Dark & Stormy – that's the (un)official drink of the island, you know – and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!
Nick Castellanos interrupts your Willie Mays news
I hate to start on a sour note, but by now you all know that Willie Mays has --
– died at 93.
Hilarious. Not the dying part, but the fact that Nick Castellanos absolutely refuses to let an emotional, real-life moment go by without injecting himself into it. He's the best. It's uncanny at this point. The guy just has a knack for it.
Now, back to Willie …
I'll be honest with you, I obviously never watched him play. Most of you haven't, either. I know he was a legend, I've seen the highlights, the catch, all of it. Tough loss for the baseball community. It's sad.
I say all that to say this … I think it's all a little much. Just being fair. The guy was 93. Not 53. He didn't die of some crippling disease. He wasn't run over by a bus. It wasn't unexpected. He just … died. Because he was 93.
And yet, everyone is acting like this is the most shocking, devastating, jaw-dropping death of all time. Steve Levy, who I actually really like, gave us this GEM during the Panthers' meltdown last night:
Too soon!!!
Dave Flemming, who I also really like, took a literal three minutes to tell us that 93-year-old Willie Mays died.
Three minutes!
An ENTIRE INNING!
Logan Webb wanted the umpire to stop the game. Just … stop it!
I'm sure people will get pissed at me because I sound like a heartless dick, but I promise I'm not. Again, it's a bummer. Willie was a trailblazer. One of the greatest to ever do it. No doubt about it, as Collinsworth would say.
But he was … 93. Feel like when you die at 93 – or really anything after 90 – you're definitely in the ‘Celebration of Life’ category as opposed to the ‘Stop the game in the sixth inning’ category.
Anyway, here's the catch:
Bill Belichick is the ultimate alpha
Gone too soon.
RIP, Willie Mays.
Now, one fella who ain't going anywhere, any time soon is one Bill Belichick. He may be 72, but he's found the Fountain of Youth with 24-year-old girlfriend, Jordon Hudson.
News broke late last week that these two lovebirds were going steady, and it's been a whirlwind of content ever since.
First? Take a look at how Bill got the ball rolling with ex-cheerleader Jordon three years ago:
Signing your John Hancock on the inside of textbook, and ending it by detailing how many Super Bowls you've won, is the stuff of legends. How the hell was anyone gonna compete with that? Jordon was off the market the second Bill pulled that card.
Anyway, remember last fall when the video went viral of Bill leaving someone's house after a night of shenanigans?
Well, guess who it was!?
World's Sexiest Volleyballer Kayla Simmons fights the heat
The Ring footage, believed to be from November last year shows the New Haven legend shirtless, opening the front door of Hudson's $800,000 Massachusetts property in the early hours of the morning.
God, I love Bill Belichick. Guy is always grinding. And how about the plane selfie? I can't think of a more Bill Belichick move than striking up a conversation with a hot college chick about some philosophy book whilst wearing a Rutgers hoodie. Again, there's no competing with that sort of game. None. Don't bother trying.
Can't wait to see how this couple tackles the summer! Hopefully, they take the Kayla Simmons route:
Mailbag, scenes from the trip & cyclists
You think Kayla's scared of a little heat? Think again. No SHOT the wokes over at CNN are on at the Simmons' house:
CLIMATEEEEEE CHANGEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh no! It's hot as hell right now …… in June. Let's have Bill Nye the Science Guy come on and explain why it's our next 9/11!
Hey, dummies … summer officially starts in two days. Breaking news: it's hot. Leave us alone. We don't wanna hear it.
Rapid-fire time on the way out – or before we all fry. First up? Mail time!
From Roanoke Matt D:
Other than the Salem Veteran’s Administration (the Salem VA) and the fact that Roanoke College is actually in Salem…
We have a TON of Division III sports championships! We just hosted the Lacrosse championship in May. In the fall we often have football (including the Stagg Bowl!), men’s and women’s soccer, and CIAA championships.
Small college sports just feel different.
Thanks, Matt!
That was in response to Monday's class, which came to you from Salem, Virginia. That was Stop 1 on the trip, followed by Stop 2 – Scranton!
Remember when I was wondering if that stop would be filled with a bunch of Biden quacks? I was … wrong!
I mean, what a way to start the day! This hero was part of a giant tour bus full of seniors (not the Kayla Simmons kind) exploring our great nation. They were all up and at 'em at 6 a.m. SHARP for the Springfield Suites breakfast. It was a mob scene.
Nothing fires up the older crowd more than an early breakfast in a hotel lobby. They LOVE it. Time of their lives.
Anyway, thanks for the note, Matty D. I'm all in on the Stagg Bowl this fall. Can't wait. Hell, now that I've visited Salem once, I may come on up for it. It was a pretty cool town, with an unreal little ice cream parlor about three miles off the interstate.
If I go, though, I ain't taking a bike (obviously not, but I needed a transition so here we are):
What a LAUNCH! You don't see that every day – although you do an awful lot here on ‘Tucky. Bike riders everywhere. If your head ain’t on a swivel, you're libel to send someone face-first into cobblestone from the 1600s.
And if you're saying to yourself, ‘Come on, Zach. It can’t hurt that bad to fall off a bike,' think again:
MLB's Jess Blaylock cools down and takes us home
I mean, that's just absurd. I didn't know it was possible to get a bruise like that. How do you even move? How do you sleep?
Glad Gordon's OK. That would've been a real gone too soon situation. Instead, he's just an idiot sandwich with a bruise!
And that's how you take class full circle (kind of).
Take us home, Bally Sports Jess:
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Are you dying from all this heat? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.