World's Sexiest Volleyballer Fights Summer Heat
Hello and welcome to freaking summer, where Paulina Gretzky and Kayla Simmons -- the World's Sexiest Volleyballer -- are fighting the heat just like the rest of us.
Stay cool, Kayla! Lord knows I'm trying.
It is hot as hell right now across the south. I know I sound like a typical old person stating the obvious about the weather, but there's hot and then there's hot.
We're going through it right now, folks. Stay strong. I know volleyballer Kayla Simmons is.
More on her later, of course.
We're on the precipice of another holiday weekend with July 4th a few days away, and this one may be my favorite holiday weekend of the year. Seriously.
The Fourth of July is awesome. You're at the absolute peak of summer, clothes are beyond optional, the grill-smell is at an all-time high yet, you still get a slight whiff of football season because the fall ain't too far away.
It's the perfect time of year -- even when it's 100 degrees in Florida and you literally feel like you're suffocating the second you crack the door.
We'll take a peak at volleyballer Kayla's summer fit here in a bit. I think we should also check in with Cart Girl Cass Holland -- a Nightcaps OG -- and maybe even Joe Biden. Sleepy Joe ain't resting so easy anymore.
I'm also going to defend the latest Indiana Jones movie because someone has to, talk some NHL Draft (you'll see), and maybe end the day with Paulina Gretzky if someone else from OutKick doesn't get to her first.
Stay tuned to find out!
It's a Thursday in late-June. Let's get weird.
Say it ain't so, Sleepy Joe!
Starting with Joe Biden over Paulina Gretzky? Doesn't get much weirder than that.
Looks like everyone's favorite president has officially turned the page and become old. I know, it took a while -- he's so spry! -- but it's happened.
Joe Biden -- like my grandpa and millions of grandpas before him -- has joined the CPAP club.
Brutal turn here. I'll be honest with you, CPAP machines are ROUGH. I can still hear my grandpa's to this day and he's been gone for a while now.
I reckon if Joe's sleep is interrupted, though, we need to do everything we can to fix it. Hopefully a good night's rest will cut down on these little bugaboos:
Kayla Simmons, World's Sexiest Volleyballer, fights the summer heat
Neeeeeeeevermind. We're screwed.
Gonna need Kayla Simmons -- the ex-Marshall volleyball ace turned Instagram content star -- to save from ourselves and this unrelenting heat.
They're coming after our Diet Coke
Thanks for the pick-me-up, Kayla Simmons!
Now, let's bring the mood back down with the WHO. Yes, I know, we're a real rollercoaster today.
Not great. Not great at all.
I've a huge Diet Coke guy. Love the stuff. Think I had about four at lunch earlier this week. But if it's causing me cancer, I'm gonna have some tough calls to make here pretty soon.
And by the way, if you're a Pepsi person, you're in timeout for the foreseeable future. Pepsi products STINK. If I'm out and ask for a Diet Coke and they bring me Diet Pepsi without telling me because "it's the same thing," that place is banned for life.
Mount Rushmore of soft drinks? Sure. It's a Thursday in June, after all:
Cart Girl Cass Holland takes a rain check
What an elite commercial. I haven't seen that bad boy in quite some time. Electric.
Let's now head to Las Vegas, where Cart Girl Cass Holland -- a TikTok and Instagram star who Nightcaps first identified months ago -- stepped away from the course earlier this week for some R&R.
I love Cass Holland. Scrolling through her TikTok, she may be the nicest person on earth. Frankly, we don't deserve her.
I mean, come on.
Can we all just appreciate the final Indiana Jones movie?
Yep, we don't deserve Cass Holland. Need more of her in this world, but we certainly don't deserve her.
You know what we also don't deserve? This new Indiana Jones movie that's dropping tonight.
For months all I've heard is terrible things about it, and I'm beyond tired of it. Is it gonna be as good as Last Crusade? Hell no.
Should they have stopped with Last Crusade? Absolutely.
Will it still be Harrison Ford playing Indiana Jones one final time, thus closing an absolutely remarkable chapter of our lives? 100%.
I grew up obsessed with Indy. I think I was Indiana Jones at least twice for Halloween. I've seen Last Crusade no less than 500 times and maintain it's one of the greatest movies ever made.
So yes, I'm excited as hell for Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. I don't care that stupid Hollywood critics say it's awful. Guess what? Movie critics are THE WORST. The absolute worst.
They literally go through life hellbent on crapping on every single movie.
Unless it's woke and virtue-signaling. Then they love it.
Exhibit A:
Yeah, exactly. Talk about one hell of a ratio. Think those critics are a little out of touch with the American people?
So no, I will not tolerate any Indiana Jones slander this weekend. I don't care if the movie stinks. It's still Harrison Ford cracking the whip one last time, and I plan to get tanked and enjoy every single second of it.
Now here's the trailer. Watch it and get your minds right.
Twisted Tea, Kelsea Ballerini and what a night for the NHL Draft
Now that we're all excited for Indy, let's hurry and get the hell out of here so we can watch it.
Might as well start the rapid fire portion of class down in Florida, where we once again prove that we're just built different down here.
Twisted Tea, Hardees & Shotgunning.
You don't even have to include Florida in the headline and you'd already know exactly where this criminal behavior took place.
"In my opinion, everyone they got on video that touched it needs to be brought in front of a judge, and then the judge needs to take some serious points of views to use as an example," Wildlife Rescue president Vernon Yates said.
Buckle up, fellas. We're in a Law & Order state down here.
PS: Twisted Tea is criminally underrated, but also dangerous as all get-out. Be careful with those.
Sometimes, they can make you do dumb things like this:
Guys, can we not hit Kelsea Ballerini -- or anyone else for that matter -- in the face while she's singing? What are we doing here?
Remember when Morgan Wallen got pummeled with a couple beers last spring?
"One of y’all own up to this, or I’m going to kick the whole f**king group out. One of y’all go ahead and say, ‘I did it.’
Alright, kick that kid out of here then."
This is why I maintain that concerts are truly the worst. What chaos. No thank you. Fellow Nightcaps conductor Anthony Farris is a big concert guy, but I just can't get on board.
Maybe Anthony was the bracelet-thrower here? Who knows. More at 11!
Finally, congrats to David Reinbacher on finally hearing his name called at last night's NHL Draft. A huge moment for any young athlete and one they'll cherish forever!
Take us into Friday, Paulina Gretzky
Horrifying. Imagine you've waited your whole life for that moment -- to hear your name called during the draft -- and that's the clip you get to show your family for the rest of your life.
Brutal.
It's like when you get to the later stages of the NFL Draft and they have some dumb zoo animal or something reveal the pick. I can't stand that crap.
Welcome to the NFL, here's the big moment to share for the rest of your life:
What a moment.
Here's Paulina Gretzky doing typical Paulina Gretzky things to take us into Friday.
Let's go have a night.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Kayla Simmons or Paulina Gretzky are ready for the 4th, are you? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.