'World's Sexiest Volleyballer' Cooks A No-Pants Breakfast, Korean Actress Distracts Dodgers & Dumb Don Lemon
For the first time in what seems like forever, we actually had a weekend full of … content!
We had The Players coming down to the final putt – I would've punted my putter so far into the sky it would've hit one of Elon's rockets – an insane automobile race yesterday at Bristol, conference championships out the ass and the Dodgers playing some spring ball over in Kim Jong's neck of the woods.
And then I woke up this morning and had some breakfast with Kayla Simmons – the world's sexiest volleyballer.
What a rush!
Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we pick up the pieces from what I assume was a drunken St. Patrick's Day and move forward best we can.
Think we can do it? Of course we can. We're Patriots. We don't wither just because a holiday (an overrated one, by the way) falls on a Sunday.
We embrace it and face the ensuing week with clear eyes and full hearts (can't lose!).
So, we're gonna do that today with Kayla Simmons. That's back-to-back weeks for her in class. A rarity, but a welcome one.
What else? The Dodgers' dugout had their welcome to Korea moment while everyone was sleeping last night, so we'll check out the replays today.
We also have Don Lemon failing to understand basic logic, a couple psycho youth soccer parents down in Miami bullying a ref and an Olympic-sized orgy!
How's THAT for a Monday lineup? Ain't nobody on the internet covering all the bases quite like us today. It's just not possible.
Grab a drink and a sloppy joe (you'll see!) and settle in for a Monday class!
Let's mix it up and start with the Los Angeles Dodgers!
Didn't see that coming, did you? You're all here for bacon and eggs with Kayla Simmons, and you're getting some spring training baseball talk instead.
Gotcha!
Just kidding. We'll get to Kayla in a bit. First, though, did you realize this is the last full week until the MLB season actually starts? Thank God.
Spring training DRAGS on forever and ever. It's way, wayyyyyyy too long.
Well, technically, the season starts this week! True story. Admittedly, I didn't even connect these dots, but the Dodgers-Padres Seoul series this week in South Korea is actually the start of the regular season.
The games count, baby! The two-game set is set for Wednesday and Thursday, and will be televised live on ESPN …
… at 6 a.m. ET! Honestly, that's not terrible. Not ideal, but there are worse ways to start a day, right? It ain't Kayla in the Kitchen, but it's meaningful baseball, and that's a good consolation prize.
Anyway, all that to say the Dodgers played an exhibition game last night (this morning?) against Korea (makes sense!) and all eyes were on the first pitch!
Kayla Simmons wakes us all up on a Monday
I know what you're asking, so I'll go ahead and answer, because what sort of teacher am I if I don't have one already locked and loaded?
Meet Jeon Jong Seo, a 29-year-old South Korean actress. She's apparently all the rage over there, and best known for her role as Hae-mi in the hit film, "Burning."
Ever seen it? Me neither. Will I now? Hell, I just might!
Anyway, this pistol has over 700k followers on woke Instagram, and I would assume that number could just see a spike from the North American crowd after last night.
She's also a huge baseball fan, which immediately vaults her up the WAG chain a couple notches.
Anyway, the main point here (is it, though?) is that we have regular season baseball on tap this week.
The Dodgers will probably win around 120 games this year and then lose in five games in the divisional round, so it'll be cool to see them start that journey.
Welcome back, MLB!
And welcome back to class to the World's Sexiest Volleyballer, Kayla Simmons. The ex-Marshall stud is ready for some 6 a.m. baseball this week!
Youth soccer, dumb Don Lemon, sex is BACK at the Olympics & Sloppy Joe's!
That ain't what I look like at 6 a.m. when I'm whipping up scrambled eggs for my toddler that she will inevitably not eat, but I'm also not dubbed the world's sexiest blogger (yet), so it checks out.
Different worlds. Welcome back to class, Kayla Simmons! Are you partially back because you jogged the Google Algo last week and we believe in striking while the iron's hot? Sure.
But we also love breakfast and hot influencers around here, so you probably would've made a cameo either way.
Speaking of things we love to eat … let's rapid-fire this Monday class into a big night by saying Happy National Sloppy Joe Day to everyone who celebrates!
Been a while since we did a Mount Rushmore, so … let's pump out a MR of the best elementary school lunches!
People like to shit on them, but if we're being honest, they were fire. There, I said it.
- Stuffed crust pizza (non-negotiable)
- Chicken patty sandwich (extra rubbery, please!)
- Sloppy joe (lowkey elite)
- Any time tater tots were on the menu
I'd also accept: square pizza and/or those tiny ice cream cups.
And by the way, french toast sticks would be No. 1 if this was a broader Mount Rushmore. Those were our Kayla Simmons' back in the day.
Next!
Serious question: is Don Lemon an idiot?
I know we like to call people idiots a lot of the time because they've gone so far to the left they genuinely sound dumb, but a lot of the time those people are actually smart but just brainwashed.
I think Don may actually just be stupid, though. How does he not get this?
It's simple, really. DEI focuses more on checking a box than hiring the best possible person for whatever job. When that happens – and I've seen it happen in real-time with my own two eyes in a previous life (hello, Gannett!) – shit usually hits the fan.
Hiring people should be really, really simple … give me all the resumes in the world, but don't put a name on them.
Person A versus Person B. Who's the best? Pick one, bring them in for an interview, and go from there.
Why are we so dumb? The only DEI I want in my life is Dale Earnhardt Incorporated, baby!
Speaking of idiots …
My Law & Order state ain't looking very Law & Orderish right now. Just being honest. Fair is fair, and I have to call this one fair.
Between spring break mayhem, shootings, those psychos down in Dade – I don't like it one bit.
Let's button it the hell up down here, folks. We're supposed to set the example.
What did Toby Keith once say in a pretty underrated TK song? We need a few more cowboys.
Straighten up.
… and wrap it up!
Take us into a big week, Sydney Sweeney
Sex isn't prohibited at the Olympics this time around ... the intimacy ban has been lifted, and Olympic Village will be stocked with 300,000 condoms!!!
"It is very important that the conviviality here is something big," village director Laurent Michaud said.
With all the sex and competition, the village is making sure to provide beds that can support [550+ lbs.] and a lot of food.
550+ pounds!!! This village ain't preparing for just any ordinary Olympics sex – they're getting ready for the most diverse, athletic, cultural orgy of all time.
Godspeed to the Olympic Village janitorial crew. Buckle the hell up.
And on that note, let's head into the new week with an old flame – Sid the Kid Sweeney.
What an outfit.
Now let's go have one.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Can Don Lemon solve 2+2? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.