'World's Sexiest Athlete' Is An Olympic Star, Dad Launches A High School Ref & Eel Rips Through Man's Anus
Whew. We made it. We watched football last night. We have Olympic golf this weekend. The new NFL kickoff is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Kinda-sorta male boxers are beating the tar out of definitely women boxers.
I know that's a mess of an opening, but my head is all over the place after a whirlwind final few days of July. There was even a brief moment earlier this week when my wife thought she was going into labor.
Between that, some sort of weird tropical storm coming to my great state this weekend, potty-training my kid and trying to figure out what the hell intersex means, this week can't end soon enough. Sometimes, we sprint to the finish line, barrel across the stripe and don't even feel winded.
Other times, we limp it home, collapse right before we cross the line, and beg someone to drag our ass to the finish. Y'all can figure out which one I am on this first Friday of July.
On that … weirdly negative … note, welcome to a Friday Nightcaps – the one where we turn this week around with Alica Schmidt and get our minds right heading into a big weekend.
What else? I've got Nightcaps OG Sydney Smith being filthy rich in Europe, a high school wrestling dad launching a ref into orbit, and the world's biggest eel climbing through someone's anus.
Nope. That ain't clickbait (I know, weird for this class!). That's 100% true. It's how it sounds. What a world.
OK, let's get this show on the road. I've got pee to clean up.
Grab you an international beer for International Beer Day, try to power through it best you can, and then settle in for a Friday 'Cap!
Let's just start out nice and light with Alica Schmidt
I looked up international beers so I would know exactly what the criteria is, and I think I've hammered down a Mount Rushmore for everyone. You are welcome!
PS: Bud Light is considered an international beer. OK. Whatever you say.
- Corona Light (with lime, only between Cinco De Mayo and Labor Day)
- Red Stripe (if anything, just for the bottle)
- Modelo (honestly, a little overrated but still worthy of a spot)
- Peroni (not the penis disease)
Honestly, I think that's a solid list. I just recently rediscovered Red Stripe because they sell it at the downtown farmer's market every Friday, and it holds up. What a pleasant little surprise.
Anyway, debate it all you want. I don't care. We can at least all agree on Alica Schmidt, the World's Sexiest Athlete, being our favorite international athlete, right?
This wrestling dad had enough
Welcome back to class, Alica! And give ‘em hell this weekend! We’re all pulling for you back here in the states even though it's impossible to find what channel you'll be on because there are like a billion different options!
Seriously, though – the whole thing has been stupid. Like, what are we doing here? NBC, USA, Peacock, CNBC. It's impossible.
I had to sit through that insufferable boxing match this morning between the girl who failed her gender test and the girl who passed hers, and it took me a solid 20 minutes to find it.
Eventually, I just signed on to Peacock – which I didn't even know I still had (great!) – and scrolled for a few minutes before typing in "boxing." Finally, I was there. After about 30 seconds, I wish I hadn't found it, but that's neither here nor there.
Anyway, let's leave Paris and head back to the states, where our great wrestling dads out there are laying down the HAMMER on high school refs:
Skip, eel anus, and the new NFL kickoff is stupid
What a TWIST! Didn't see it coming, did you? I mean, could this dad have picked a worse ref to tackle? It's not possible. The guy has one of the most insane resumes of all time.
Wrestled his whole life, including college, a jiu-jitsu master, and, oh yeah, an attorney! Goodness, this dad is COOOOOKED. He doesn't stand a chance.
Frankly, he's lucky it was a controlled environment, because it sounds like he would've gotten his ass kicked if this happened anywhere else.
And if you ever happen to come back to North Carolina, there's at least one warrant for your arrest waiting for you.
Chilling.
PS: wrestling people? They're INSANE. When I covered high school sports in a previous life, dealing with the wrestling parents/some of the coaches was by far the worst part of the job. They're nuts. All high school sports parents are nuts, but wrestling parents are at an entirely different level.
OK, rapid-fire time so we can put a bow on this seemingly never-ending week. First up? Farewell to Skip Bayless, who left Undisputed today. It was a weirdly quiet exit for someone who is anything but.
I just hope we don't lose this sort of content this upcoming season:
I mean, just the best. The end of the Shannon Sharpe era on Undisputed was filled with so much tension you HAD to watch it, but you also HATED sitting through it. So uncomfortable. Great TV, though, and that's all you can ask for in this life!
Next? I can't tell you how much I despised the NFL kickoff look last night. It made me so irrationally angry.
I mean, it looked so dumb. It sounded so dumb. It felt so dumb. Not even dumb. It felt cheap.
Maybe it was the Canton crowd, because they might as well have not even shown up. I hope so, because if that's the sort of energy I get this season, I'm gonna … well, I'm gonna keep watching, but I'll be a little angrier about it!
Finally … it's eel anus time!
Sydney Smith takes us into the first weekend of August
Vietnamese doctors removed a live 2-foot-long eel from a man’s abdomen – that had chewed through his intestines after he shoved it up his anus.
The nauseating discovery was made when a 31-year-old Indian national was admitted to Viet Duc Hospital in Hanoi on July 27 with excruciating abdominal pain, according to Vietnam News.
Doctors learned that the adventurous patient had slipped the phallic fish up his backside earlier in the day – and it tried to escape.
Doctors at the hospital told Vietnam News that they’ve dealt with patients, typically young men, who have put objects up their bums for sexual pleasure.
Viet Duc Hospital has previously removed bottles, cups and adult toys from patients’ anuses – but this is the first case involving a live animal.
Doctors attempted to remove the foreign object through the man’s anus – but they discovered a large lime that he had also inserted blocking the way.
There are very few things in this life that make me feel like I'm going to vomit. Truly, I have pretty much an iron stomach. I've been dipping since high school. Once you get past that first accidental Copenhagan swallow, you're pretty much invincible.
But this? This truly made me feel sick. And how about the lime being there? A whole lime?! They're built differently over there. But the heart wants what the heart wants. We're not here to judge.
Anyway, everyone enjoy their sushi tonight!
See you Monday.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You ever had an eel removed from your anus? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com. (Or don't)