Woman Identifies As A Dog, Has Handlers & Sleeps In A Crate

Good news for those out there who want to sleep in a dog crate, take dumps outside, and have handlers take them for a walk. You're just a simple step away from living the dream.

That step is to identify yourself as a dog. It's really that simple.

Twitch streamer Meow Dalyn, who identifies as a Dalmatian, is living proof.  She created some buzz this week with an appearance on the Australian radio show The Kyle & Jackie O Show.

Twitch streamer Meow Dalyn identifies as a dog. (Image Credit: Kyle and Jackie O/Instagram)

The "pawfessional e-puppy dog," according to her website, was there to answer questions about her unique lifestyle.  This isn't a stunt on her behalf to make adult content, nor is she a member of the Furry community.

She's a dog, you weirdos.

"My name is Meow like a cat, but I am a dog," she explained to the hosts, who had a lot of questions for their interesting guest.  The first of which is why her name is Meow if she's a dog.

There's a perfectly good reason for that, she explained, "It’s kind of like whenever you have a really small dog, like a Chihuahua and you name it Hercules."

That makes perfect sense.  As does what happened next when one of the hosts pulled out a dog controller and set it off into the microphone.  Meow wasn't a fan.

There were more important matters to get to and, despite the uncomfortable use of the dog controller device, Meow pressed on.  After all, we had to find out if she has boyfriends, uses the bathroom outside, and whether it's doggy style only in the bedroom.

Some People Might Fall For This Act, But I See Right Through It

When it comes to boyfriends, Meow explained that she has handlers.  Handlers who feed her, take her on walks, train her and give her treats.  Completely normal behavior for a handler and his dog.

When it comes to taking a dump outside in the grass, the answer is, yes, she has, but there are sadly occasions when she must force herself to "use the human toilet."  That sounds like pure torture for a dog.

And now the question everyone wants to know the answer to.  When it comes to sex, "Is it only doggy style or do you do human things?"  Her answer was in the form of several barks.  I guess that one is open to interpretation.

Call me crazy, but this seems like amateur hour on the part of Meow.  In a world where a guy shelled out $14,000 to turn himself into a collie, you can't throw a dog's ear headband on and call yourself a Dalmatian.

Not if you want me to buy a ticket to your freak show.  I'm going to need some more effort.  Not to mention the fact that dogs can't talk or use the phone.

You better have a handler calling up the show, or I'm calling BS on the entire "I identify as a dog" story.  Dare I say, you're not a dog.  Presented with this half-assed performance, yes I dare.