Will Levis' Sister Goes Cowgirl, San Jose Swimmer Is A Star & Media Distraught Over Lack Of Gayness In MLB
I finally shaved my beard into a summer cut with an intentionally douchey goatee, found the next Olivia Dunne at San Jose State, got my second back adjustment today and watched Will Levis' sister do the Texas two step.
How's your week going?! Yeah, didn't think it was as good as mine.
Glad to be back running the Nightcaps train after Amber sh*t on me a few days ago for my cereal list. Talk about having to stew on something without a bullet in the holster.
I'll obviously respond to innocent Amber today and even enlist the help of an avid Nightcaps reader. Yep -- it's a mailbag Thursday!
Elsewhere, I think we should definitely dive into Kelley Levis' latest Instagram heater after her NFL Draft night debut, and then maybe go swimming with Andreea Dragois. Sound like a plan?
Good!
Along the way, I'd like to join the AP in mourning the lack of openly gay players in Major league Baseball -- because it's a real problem in this country -- welcome Carrie Underwood to XM radio, and maybe talk to Jesus.
That's right -- did I stutter? Nope, and neither did Stanley Hudson!
Quit pussyfooting around and grab a No. 2 pencil and one of those black & white composite journals from 1992. Class is in session.
Ron DeSantis torches miserable Gavin Newsom, who is objectively a moron
I'll be honest with you -- I didn't intend to start class like this. Peeling back the curtain a bit, this is how I pretty much put Nightcaps together ...
I scroll Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and a couple newsy sites that make me laugh and slowly but surely cobble stuff together that I think you guys will click on. It's not exactly recreating the wheel, but it gets the job done.
Anyway, after I finished the above intro, I instinctively switched tabs to Twitter because I clearly have a problem and this little nugget from #MyPresident was the first thing that popped up.
God I love this state.
Will Levis' sister, Kelley Levis, continues her climb
I'm so sorry for those of you who don't live in the state governed by Ron DeSantis. Despite what the NAACP wants you to believe, this place really is the best.
It's amazing how bad Gavin Newsom and California are -- again, I'm so sorry for those of you who choose to live out there. No amount of great weather is worth that pain.
And by the way, thanks for reading, Gov. DeSantis! From his latest ad, courtesy of OutKick's Dan Z (I don't feel like looking up how to spell Dan's last name):
If you liked that Newsom takedown, Governor, you're gonna love this next part.
Take it away, Kelley Levis.
Happy birthday indeed, Ambert!
Kelley Levis, shockingly, was another OutKick discovery earlier this year after she got the talking heads yapping after going viral on NFL Draft night.
She was the "mystery blonde" sitting next to Titans QB Will Levis while he plunged like Brady Quinn through the first round, so naturally yours truly had to uncover her true identity.
I've been keeping tabs on Kelley ever since to see what she did with her newfound fame, and it looks like she's off to the races since graduating from Wisconsin last month.
Will Levis may not have deserved to be a first round pick, but Kelley Levis certainly did. Can't wait to see how she continues to bounce back.
San Jose swimmer Andrea Dragoi is the next Olivia Dunne
Speaking of finding diamonds in the rough, I might as well try to strike while the iron's hot.
Yesterday, I stumbled upon San Jose swimmer Andrea Dragoi, who made her OutKick debut late last year but hadn't been talked about much since.
Turns out, our girl -- named the next Olivia Dunne by several outlets last Christmas -- has no interest in chasing Livvy.
Nope. Instead, she's chasing a true legend of the game -- lifeguard Wendy Peffercorn.
The AP is upset no gay players have come out in MLB
Our good friends at the Associated Press -- the always unbiased, totally fair, sane Associated Press -- are very concerned that no gay player has come out around the league.
There are a ton of problems in the world right now -- Trump tells me we're on the brink of WW3 -- but this one right here jumps to the top of the list.
First off, what's the over/under on days until the Rangers have to apologize for not having a Pride night and then have to squeeze one in over the next few weeks? I'll set it at 2.5.
From the AP story:
Almost 80 years after Jackie Robinson broke the majors’ color barrier in a landmark moment for the American Civil Rights Movement, the dueling expressions of LGBTQ+ support and pop-up opposition recalled the question of when MLB might welcome its first active openly gay player — a barrier already cleared by the NBA and NFL.
"A barrier already cleared." Huh?
Continuing ...
For Mason Dunn, who grew up in a diehard Dodgers family in Southern California, it has been an emotional couple of weeks. Dunn wrote an anguished post on Facebook after the Dodgers rescinded their invitation to the Sisters, and then expressed relief when the team changed its mind.
“I really truly hope the Dodgers are using this experience to learn more about allyship,” said Dunn, who identifies as nonbinary and works for the Massachusetts LGBTQ Chamber of Commerce. “It isn’t just about rainbow logos. It’s about showing up when things are difficult and scary.”
I can certainly see why having second thoughts about inviting a group of satanic nuns to a baseball game would be emotional. Stay strong, Mason.
Save us, AI Jesus
I could go on and on about that story, but I'd rather not bog us down with nonsense today. If you guys have taught me anything, it's that we need way more Kelley Levis and way less trans nuns. Check and mate.
Everyone could also use some more Jesus, too. Never hurts in my experience. Thanks to AI -- the technology that will eventually lead to our downfall -- you can have him whenever you want!
A chatbot designed to resemble an ‘AI Jesus’ has attracted hundreds of Twitch users seeking gaming and relationship advice.
The device, created by a Berlin tech collective, shows a bearded white man with a bright white halo who gestures as he answers questions having been “trained after Jesus and the teachings of the Bible.”
Yep, we're all in trouble. There's one thing you don't mess with, and that's religion. It's exactly why I run for the hills whenever I hear the words Ouija and board. No thanks. I've seen my fair share of horror movies and that stuff never ends well.
I don't think Jesus had this in mind when he died on the cross all those years ago, so don't be surprised if he comes back pretty darn soon. Better get your affairs in order.
Let's open the mailbag for breakfast
Yep, we're screwed.
Before we're all punished for being idiots and meddling in things we shouldn't meddle in, let's check the mail one last time.
From Jason, in response to the Cracker Barrel portion of Monday's Nightcaps:
You gotta go with the fried chicken tenders with this breakfast. Be sure to ask for extra sawmill gravy to dip those bad boys in, too.
Also, why do they even give the option of fried apples instead of hashbrown casserole? You have to be a psychopath if you’re asking for apples instead of THE BEST SIDE DISH ON THE ENTIRE MENU!
You need a Mt Rushmore of breakfast spots (chains only):
I'll be honest with you, I'm not sure I can do any better than that Mount Rushmore. The stuffed french toast from IHOP was truly life-changing back in the day when it was introduced, but I think the food and atmosphere is overall better at CB.
Plus, I do 90% of my Christmas shopping there, so that alone makes it No. 1.
I think I'd put Waffle House No. 3 over Bob Evans, and then the final spot would be a battle between Bob and Denny's. I think I may give Denny's the nod, though, because you may not find a better spot for a drunken meal at 2 a.m.
Allegedly, of course.
PS: anyone remember the summer of IHOB? Wild time.
You peasants wouldn't understand good cereal if it slapped you in the face
IHOB will always be one of my favorite marketing ploys of all time. Did it last all of one month because of the vitriol surrounding it? Sure. But goodness, what a simpler time.
That above email, by the way, was also in response to my Rushmore of Kellogg's cereals from Monday -- which literally everyone at OutKick hated. Here it is, for those wondering:
Seriously, the messages were insanity. And then, of course, you had this little nugget from David Hookstead in between everyone bitching and moaning about me leaving off Frosted Flakes:
Stop arguing about cereal, which is sugar and carbs, and start eating eggs, sausage, bacon and black coffee for breakfast like Americans did for generations.
Classic Hook.
Anyway, everyone sort of backed off a little once they realized Kellogg's cereals were truly the worst of the three (General Mills, Post), and Amber decided to take it one step further and make her own list:
While Amber obviously took the easy route and included all brands, I do respect that list. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the obvious No. 1 choice, and that's absolutely nonnegotiable. You're a psycho if you don't love CTC.
Fine! Here's the correct list since that's obviously where this is headed:
Honorable mention: Fruity Pebbles, Oreo O's, Froot Loops, Trix, Cap'n Crunch, but only the Crunch Berries.
Darkhorse: Reptar Crunch!
Take us home, Carrie Underwood
If you don't know about Reptar Crunch, I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry you didn't grow up when I did, because it was the best. What a time.
Now, let's all wind down with Sirius XMs newest star -- Carrie Underwood. The SNF Queen is debuting her new station this week, which replaces Garth Brooks' old channel. (OK, not technically because he was Channel 55, but whatever).
Garth will likely listen while drinking a Bud Light.
Now let's go have a Thursday.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Who wins in a fight? The Next-Gen Olivia Dunne, Andreea Dragoi, or Will Levis' sister, Kelley? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.