The Wienermobile Wrecked, The Dictionary Is Blocking People, Horses Biting Tourists & Arm Wrestling With Fish

Happy Tuesday, friends. How we doing?

I'm reporting to you live from my mother-in-law's house in the middle of the Wisconsin Northwoods. As I type this, I'm sipping on hot coffee, watching deer and other woodland critters through the window and smelling fresh-baked chocolate muffins.

Honestly, this is pretty hard to beat. Out here in the woods, you wouldn't even know the country is in turmoil and the president is MIA.

Nothing but immaculate vibes.

But for those of you who are stuck in the rat race right now, you deserve a break. And lucky for you, I'm here to help. I'd offer you some cheese curds and an ice-cold Spotted Cow from the garage fridge if I could. But I can't — so some silly Internet stories will have to do.

Pull up an Adirondack chair (yes, I had to Google how to spell that), crack a beer and let's roll. It's Nightcaps time!

The Wienermobile Takes A Spill

Imagine you're on a road trip and your GPS shows a traffic jam ahead.

So as you sit in your car — barely inching forward — you grow increasingly frustrated. It might be a wreck or it might be construction. But whatever the issue, it's added at least 45 minutes to your trip.

The traffic starts to bottleneck, and there's an end in sight. Finally! We're going to start moving again! You see the flashing lights ahead and turn your head to see what was causing the hold-up.

Ope! It's the Wienermobile… flipped on its side.

Yes, the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile itself was involved in a crash Monday morning on a Chicago-area tollway. According to the Illinois State Police, the wiener driver lost control, and the vehicle ended up rolling on its side. 

Finally — after the northbound lanes were shut down for more than an hour — they loaded it up on flatbed tow truck and hauled it away from the scene of the accident. Fortunately, no one was hurt.

That tow truck driver is gonna go home like, "Honey, you are not gonna believe what happened at work today."

Did you know there are actually six Wienermobiles? And thank goodness for that — because this one might be in the shop for a while.

Of course, no one wants to see the beloved hot dog on wheels take a spill. But it's way better than what happened with that manure truck in Connecticut a few weeks ago!

Tourist Horses Around, Finds Out

Comedian Bill Engvall used to have this bit called "Warning Signs" — not to be confused with his much more widely recognized tagline, "Here's Your Sign."

Anyway, the idea was that if you read the warning labels on some products, you'll find some really outrageous ones. Like a blowdryer that says "Do not use in the shower." Or a two-person tent that advises campers not to build a fire inside. Or, my personal favorite, a curling iron that warns users not to "insert into any bodily orifice."

Engvall even made a song about it with John Michael Montgomery. And I might be one of only a dozen or so people on the planet who remembers this song because the only video I can find on the Internet was posted by someone with 15 subscribers. And it's total amateur hour:

Anyway, you read these ridiculous warning signs, and you think, Why would they feel the need to tell people these things, which should be common sense?

And the answer is because someone, somewhere ended up in the emergency room after sticking a curling iron in an orifice. Or lit a whole campground on fire trying to roast marshmallows inside their tent. As Bill Engvall eloquently explains, "The warning signs aren't for you. They're for stupid people."

So with that in mind, I'd like to introduce you to this tourist in London.

This woman was attempting to pet and take a photo with one of King Charles III's guard horses outside the Household Cavalry Museum on Monday. The horse wasn't into it — so he took a big ol' chomp on the lady's arm.

And the best part? It happened right underneath a large sign that reads, "Beware: Horses might kick or bite."

I've never been bitten by a horse, so what do I know? But her delayed collapse to the ground seemed a little dramatic.

Upon some further research, though, apparently this happens all the time… right under this same damn sign! Kings guard horses are regularly biting, nipping, headbutting and even pulling selfie-takers to the ground by their ponytails. Because they just never learn.

The funniest part of all these videos is the guard sitting on the horse, just smugly watching it happen. If "I hate these idiot tourists" was a facial expression, this is it.

Off in the distance, I can hear John Michael Montgomery singing… That's why they have those warning signs!

Arm Wrestling Champ Goes Fishing

Sure, they can headbutt and bite, but if any of those horses want to arm wrestle, I have just the guy for the job. Meet Devon Larratt — arm wrestling champion, former Canadian special forces and certified badass.

Here's him showing Donald Trump Jr. who's boss:

You know, speaking of arm wrestling… Since they made a new Road House this year, I think it's only right that we get an Over The Top re-make, too. Can we start a petition?

And in case you forgot what a cinematic masterpiece THAT movie was, here's the trailer.

The bicep curls on the front of the big rig get me hyped every time.

I digress. So arm wrestling champ Devon Larratt recently went fishing with world champion powerlifter Layne Norton, and he got a little more than he bargained for.

The video — posted to fishing YouTube channel BlacktipH — starts with Larratt fighting for his life against a 400-pound goliath grouper.

One fun fact about groupers is that they are delicious. My favorite fish, actually. The largest variety (the goliath grouper) can weigh up to a whopping 800 pounds, which could make SO MANY sandwiches. 

But goliaths are a protected species in both Florida and the Caribbean, and obtaining a license to keep one is incredibly difficult.

But after watching this video, I don't think it matters. Because if it takes a special forces guy, a world champion powerlifter and a boat full of other strong dudes to reel one in, I'd say the average angler doesn't stand a chance anyway — license or not.

Oh yeah, they got a shark, too. And then they celebrated with protein shake shots!

Just kidding, I made that part up. But I feel like it could be true.

While we're on the topic of sharks, though, how about this teeny tiny great white who popped up to say hello to some boaters in Massachusetts?

I love how that guy stuck his hand down there like he was going to pet it. Bill Engvall, can we get him one of those warning signs?

The Dictionary Is Blocking People On Twitter

If this isn't a sign of the very stupid times we are living in, then I don't know what is: Merriam-Webster Dictionary is blocking people on social media because they had the audacity to correctly define the word "woman."

The dictionary's Twitter / X account posted last week: "What's the word/grammar hill you are absolutely dying on?"

Well, they asked! And the people answered. Thousands of replies let Merriam-Webster know that a "woman" is an "adult human female" and they will die on that hill.

First, moderators tried to hide those replies, then they started blocking people who said men are not women. And then they just gave up and deleted the tweet altogether.

A win for common sense.

By the way, if you're wondering how that very scholarly book defines the word "female," it's "having a gender identity that is the opposite of male."

So that's where we're at right now.

Anonymous Says Quit Your HOA B*tching!

Last week, I shared emails from readers detailing their God-awful experiences with their Homeowners' Associations. And there were some doozies.

Anonymous writes:

Tell the whining people who don't like what the HOA has to say to GET INVOLVED! The reason that they are getting away with poor management is because the people who LIVE in the HOA WON'T step up. If you don't like the rules, get on the Board and change them. Get a few of your neighbors to join you. Boards are typically 3-5 members. Get 3 and TAKE OVER! Stop WHINING!!!!

Tired of listening to whiny people locked into HOA's. YOU signed up for it!

Amber:

So while I am anti-HOA, this is actually great information to have. I had no idea the boards were so small. It seems like it would be easy to find two like-minded neighbors and stage a coup! 

Hell, if they can do it to the President of the United States, then surely you can overthrow your neighborhood HOA, no problem.

Stuff I Liked

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.