Whitney Cummings Hates Potholes, Joey Chestnut Is The Dairy King, Dogs Vs. Wild Animals & Unproblematic Celebs

Hello and Happy Tuesday, Nightcaps world. I hope everyone's week is off to a splendid start.

My week is actually wrapping up. As we speak, I'm on my way to North Georgia (the passenger seat makes a great mobile office) to backpack miles and miles in Cloudland Canyon. Not the most relaxing way to spend a few days off, but it's my favorite thing. We all need to unplug and touch grass every once in a while.

Plus — pro tip — hiking is a whole lot easier when you have a big, strong husband to carry stuff.

But I'm essential to this operation, too! My jobs are to carry snacks, boost morale and yell "DANGER NOODLE!" every time I spot a copperhead.

I'm pretty good at it, not gonna lie.

But before we do all that, I owe you a Nightcaps and a Womansplaining (Wednesday at noon ET), don't I? So sit back, relax and crack a cold one. 

Let's roll.

OutKick Readers Weigh In: Unproblematic Celebrities

Last week, I asked y'all to name some unproblematic celebrities who have a 100% approval rating. In other words, these people are so likable no one can even hate on them. 

I started with the most obvious: Queen Dolly Parton.

Nobody doesn't like Dolly Parton.

(Photo by Valerie Macon/Getty Images)

But here's who readers nominated:

Aaron in KC: George Strait. In my opinion, he's the best to ever do it. And everyone loves him. How many people have you heard say they don't like his music? I would guess at least 40-50 other country artists have mentioned him in their songs.  Jamie Foxx even sang one of his songs at a tribute special. He's a class act that has never had a whiff of scandal, and he's been married to the same woman for decades. A true American icon. Long live the King of Country Music!

Kurt M: Denzel Washington

Indy Daryl: Paul Rudd for the win!

@GoldenDomer316: Mr. Bean

Ricky M: Morgan Freeman, Adam Sandler & Stevie Wonder

Tom B: Gotta be Brendan Fraser or Keanu Reeves!

Cardo M: Jack Black

Do you agree or disagree with this list? Who did we miss? Email me at Amber.Harding@outkick.com and let me know!

Whitney Cummings: 'Potholes Changed My Politics'

In the past, Whitney Cummings has referred to herself as a "Progressive Lib-Tard." But according to a TikTok the comedian posted on Sunday, there might just be one thing that swing her to the Right.

Potholes.

"You hit a pothole with a baby sleeping in the back, you become a Republican so fast," Cummings fumed. "The second I finally got him to sleep, and then I hit a pothole, and I was like, ‘God damn it. Joe Biden you lizard! God, you and your clones need to take care of these streets!’"

You hear that, Pete Buttigieg?

"Maybe if you could take a break from vacation on Epstein Island for five minutes," she continued. "I know Epstein Island is closed, but I'm sure there's, you know, there's probably still some tunnels or some sketchy stuff going on. But potholes change my politics, wild."

Oh, she went there.

I know the pothole thing was a joke, but it sent me down a rabbit hole. For some reason, I had always pegged Whitney to be ultra liberal. I think that's because I remember her quitting her job as executive producer on the Roseanne show reboot when Roseanne Barr tweeted some things she didn't like.

But the more I look, she actually seems pretty level-headed. In 2020, she knocked Hollywood hard for looking down on Donald Trump supporters. She argued that empathizing with Trump supporters (even if you disagree with them) is not controversial and no one should be dismissed, or canceled, based on political opinions.

"I'm fascinated by playing devil's advocate and want to understand the people I disagree with. I don't want to dismiss and malign," Cummings said, according to Newsweek. "I think it's very self-righteous or sanctimonious to just dismiss people we disagree with without trying to understand why they believe what they believe."

What a refreshingly reasonable take from the loony land of Hollywood.

Whitney Cummings

(Photo by Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic via Getty Images)

Whitney also said she understands why Trump was elected in 2016, saying too many people felt like they weren't given a voice and were being ignored. Because of this, she said that "if you don't see and understand them, they're going to make themselves heard in some way or another."

That's a start! Now, how many more potholes will it take for her to go full MAGA?

I Scream, You Scream, Joey Chestnut Eats Ice Cream

Death, taxes and Joey Chestnut being an absolute bottomless pit.

During the Toledo Mud Hens (Triple-A affiliate for the Detroit Tigers) game on Saturday, "Joey Jaws" scarfed down four whole pints of ice cream in just one minute!

Behold his magnificence.

The guy in the hot dog suit just standing there in utter awe and bewilderment is cracking me up.

But it's just another day in the life of the world's best competitive eater. Because Joey isn't just a 16-time Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest champion (true American hero) — he also holds multiple world records. And plenty of them have been of the dessert variety.

Like the time he ate 5.9 pounds of funnel cake in 10 minutes in 2009, 121 Twinkies in six minutes in 2013 and 55 glazed doughnuts in eight minutes in 2017. As for ice cream, he downed 25.5 ice cream sandwiches in six minutes in 2018.

So apparently, he not only has a bottomless stomach. He's also impervious to brain freeze!

Meanwhile, I keep a pint of ice cream in the freezer so that I can sometimes take a bite or two before bed as "just a little treat!" I think my record for four pints of ice cream is around two years.

I'll work on that.

Dogs Vs. Wild Animals

You know that natural inclination animals have for self-preservation? They recognize when another creature is higher on the food chain, and they actively avoid confrontations with said creature. 

That's why squirrels scurry away if you walk too close to one, birds scatter at the sound of a hunter's gunshot and antelopes simply don't charge at lions.

It's just a basic survival instinct. And my dog doesn't have it.

At 45 pounds and 15 years old, my dog fears nothing. NOTHING. If we were to encounter a bear while hiking in the woods, we'd both be goners — because she'd run right up and try to fight it. And I'd be dumb enough to attempt to save her. She's a real-life Scrappy-Doo, hollering "Let me at 'em!" while I keep a firm hold on her leash.

Turns out, though, she's not alone. 

Take this Beagle, for example, who ran right up to an alligator (separated by a glass sliding door, thank goodness) and told him, "Get the f*ck off my back porch!"

And surprisingly enough, the gator obliged.

Why is his little scurry so utterly hilarious? I could watch that all day.

That gator said:

If you're worried about the two coming face to face (without the protective glass barrier), don't be.

The woman who posted the original video, Natalia Rojas put commenters' minds at ease: "Relax people! We know we need a fence as soon as possible, but they don’t appear overnight. It’ll take a couple of weeks for the fence company to get materials and build it. Pinto is never left outside unsupervised."

Which brings us to our next doggy / wild animal stand-off, and this one is significantly more terrifying.

A Minnesota woman named Bailey Jacobson found herself living my nightmare when a bear began chasing her dog, Zeus, down her driveway. She ran after them, and the whole thing was caught on her home security camera.

Apparently, it all started when she and her dog stumbled upon three bears rummaging through the trash outside her home. After she screamed, two smaller bears ran back into the woods, but the larger one chased Zeus down the road.

"Obviously, I was petrified," Jacobson told FOX 9.

Jacobson told the station that Zeus outran the bear. And when the dog turned a corner, and that’s when the bear turned its attention to human food.

"It definitely kind of lunged at me, and I was like probably 35 to 40 feet from the bear, and I was like, ‘Well, I gotta run too, I guess,’ so it was definitely a dual-headed thing where Zeus was running, and I was running," she said.

Fortunately, Bailey, Zeus and the bears escaped the incident unharmed. We love a happy ending.

Then, the three bears returned to their home where they found out some "white b*tch" named Goldilocks, who ate all their soup and messed up their beds.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Can't go around saying that, Pat McAfee.

Oh, speaking of…

Tom L. (Sent From My iPad) Needs To Get Something Off His Chest

Amber, slow day?

Seriously, how can you take that position when, MacAfee himself, realized his own verbal mistake. You need to check yourself, your logic is flawed? Would you take the same approach if I called you a slut? Or in this case a bitch?

Of course not, I don’t even know you. And I’m guessing you don’t know Clark.

Write about housekeeping, vacuuming, something like that.

Amber:

Nothing like a little sexist rage to get the juices flowing on a Tuesday! 

Tom is referring to a story I wrote yesterday about how Pat McAfee apologized for referring to Caitlin Clark as a "white b*tch" during his show on Monday. Except he clearly didn't read it. Because in the story, I specifically said McAfee crossed a line and that his verbiage was inappropriate — even given the full context. (Some of my colleagues disagree with me, and that's OK.)

So tell you what, Tom… I'll work on my vacuuming, and you work on your reading comprehension. Now run along and make me a sandwich.

One More Thing

Back on the topic of animals, let's wrap things up with this lady and her uncooperative emu.

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.