What To Watch On Peacock After The Dolphins Get Blown Out In Kansas City
Hey, everyone -- enough bitching about having to pay $5.99 for Peacock if you want to watch the Dolphins-Chiefs game Saturday night.
I'm tired of it. All of it. Nobody likes to bitch and moan more than I do, but even I've had enough of it.
Can we all stop acting poor for one tiny little second? I know Biden's economy is trash and the current administration has set the middle-class back decades (thanks, Joe!), but a $5.99 subscription to Peacock ain't gonna put you under a bridge any time soon.
In fact, it could enhance your life altogether! True story.
Look, at first, you're gonna feel really cheated come 10 p.m. Saturday night. The Dolphins have nobody left to play on defense because literally the entire roster is on IR, it's gonna be below-zero degrees, and Mike McDaniel will inevitably make Tua pass at some point in the third quarter when they should just run the ball and the wheels will come off.
I promise, it'll happen. And when it does, the Chiefs will run away with the game AND your $5.99 ... if you let them.
Personally, I won't. If I'm gonna be stuck with this Peacock subscription for the next month -- and probably more, because I'll forget about it until August -- I'm gonna get my money's worth. You can, too.
How? Well, Peacock offers a variety of shows and movies that you can fall asleep to Saturday night when you're drunk, angry and miserable as a Dolphins/NFL fan. You've heard of some of them.
You've definitely never heard of most of them. I'd suggest giving those a whirl to take the pain away, but that's just me.
Luckily, I've done all the heavy lifting for you. Again, you're welcome!
Here's the full list of shows and movies you can watch with your new Peacock subscription! We're gonna start with the ones you know and then go from there.
Peacock TV shows (comedy)
King of Queens
This one is easily at the top of the comedy list -- and any list, for that matter.
The King of Queens had some unfortunate luck -- and timing -- back in the day, because it was sandwiched around Seinfeld and Friends. That's a tough draw for any TV show, because those two sitcoms ruled the 90s and early-2000s. Everyone else played second fiddle.
That being said, I'd take Doug Heffernan in a pair of short IPS shorts over Kramer busting through Jerry's door any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Mix in some PEAK Leah Remini in seasons 1-5 and Jerry Stiller yelling at the top of his lungs every other scene, and you've got yourself one hell of a night.
If you've never seen it, you're in for a treat. If you have -- and if you get TBS, TV Land or CMT, you've seen King of Queens at this point -- is still holds up. I promise. Personally, I'd start with the bachelor party episode in season one and go from there.
You're welcome.
The Office
I'm not gonna spend an hour on this one. You know what The Office is. We all know what it is. We've all seen it 10,000 times. Comedy Central plays it on a loop Monday through Friday.
If you're really bored but also just depressed because you're either a Dolphins fan or lost a ton of money gambling, watch this one. I'd go straight to the classics, too. Maybe fire up The Dinner Party one and go from there.
You don't really need to pay attention, but you'll still laugh every few minutes when you check back in while Twitter loads. Perfect way to end a terrible night.
Roseanne
A lot like King of Queens, this one also gets overshadowed because it competed with Seinfeld and then ended right around the time Friends exploded. Tough draw.
Roseanne is an elite comedy, but it can also get real deep. That's what makes it great, but you also need to know what you're getting before you fire it up.
If you're looking to have a lighthearted time because your Raheem Mostert anytime TD Dolphins bet tanked, stick with the above two. If you want a touch of drama when you least expect it -- heart attacks, overdoses, domestic disputes -- then head on up to Landford, Chicago and buckle up.
Just don't watch any of season nine. Act like it's not there.
Psych
Last but definitely not least, Psych is one of my favorite shows of all time. For starters, it has an elite theme song and opening. If you're a Dolphins fan, your night will immediately spruce up when it starts playing. You're welcome.
Beyond that, though, the chemistry between Dule Hill and James Roday is maybe the best in TV history, and the supporting cast is perfect.
You also get a full dose of Juliet O'Hara (Maggie Lawson) in each episode, and that'll make anyone forget about the money -- and night -- you just wasted on another stupid streaming service.
Bonus: you also get THREE movies, and they're all worth your time. What a selection.
TV shows (drama and reality)
Yellowstone
I'll be honest with you, it seems like Peacock went all in on comedy and pretty much just ignored everything else. The cupboard is pretty bare the rest of the way, but we do get Yellowstone.
Like The Office, I'm not gonna sit here and waste time explaining what Yellowstone is. We all know. We've all seen it a billion times. I prefer Kevin Costner in Draft Day myself, but he's pretty good in this, too.
Not really sure you're gonna want to fire it up after being miserable watching the game, but maybe you're just that sort of person. That's fine, we don't judge here.
Hell's Kitchen
I'm a huge Gordon Ramsay guy myself. We watch Kitchen Nightmares all the time on Hulu and spend the summer watching Masterchef.
If you're a GR person, then a little Hell's Kitchen chaos could be just the thing to perk you up after what you've just watched.
If you like watching angry brits hold donuts to peoples ears, call them donkeys and basically humiliate them as human beings, this is the show for you. Could be the perfect way to kill a few weeks of an otherwise annoying subscription.
Peacock Movies (the ones you've heard of)
The Adam Sandler classics
So, I'm gonna break this down into two very large categories -- the movies you've probably already seen and then some obscure titles that sound funny to me that could be good time-killers.
Peacock has a giant list of movies, and they're either major hits or B-list films. No in between.
We'll start with Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison. No explanation needed. You also get Julie Bowen in one and Bridgette Wilson in another. Easy call.
Next!
A couple 80s + 90s masterpieces
Ever heard of Fast Times at Ridgemont High or Uncle Buck? Of course you have!
Well, you can melt away Saturday night with John Candy giving mole-removal advice OR Phoebe Cates taking a little swim.
Either-or! Very different paths, though, so choose wisely.
If neither of those catch your fancy, you could also beat up some terrorists with Harrison Ford in Air Force One.
Get off my plane!
Every single Harry Potter movie known to man
Peacock went all in on Harry Potter, so if you wanna watch seven of the arguably the longest movies ever made, you've found the streaming service for you!
Movies (the ones you most definitely have not heard of)
I spent a lot of time trying to find movies that you guys would know. Conversely, I spent very little time trying to find titles you wouldn't know, because that's mostly what Peacock offers.
There are some wild choices in this library, so try to keep up:
Whew. What a selection! Where else are you getting that kind of return on your $5.99 investment today? Nowhere, that's where!
So perk up, miserable Dolphins/NFL gambling fans -- all is not lost. Sure, you wasted a Saturday night by watching Tua and the fellas look like ass in below-zero Kansas City, but at least you now get to get a head start on Frankenhooker.
And that's priceless.